Christmastime - the month where we celebrate my spirit angel, Beyonce, goddess of the glitter and sass - is my favoritest time of the year. I get to replenish my sparkle for the following year and indulge in excess because THAT'S THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. Also, eggnog.
I had an entire pinboard of holiday fun times and crafts that I wanted to blog about but I was too busy enjoying the season (read: eating). But I did manage to get in a few crafty thangs that would make Beyonce proud, so here's an image dump of what the MS Ranch looked like this year.
First up, like every hipster holiday craft project you've seen in the past two years, I wanted to put some glittery animals up in this bitch.
My motherfucking clique. On top of Mount Badescu. I tried to find a Jezus figure to ride one of them but none of the Jezus figures I found had movable legs. I wasted an entire night looking at every Spencer's Gifts-related piece of shit website on the interwebz to no avail. I think that nothing would piss off a craft blogger more than if I stole their idea and then blasphemed it but I was unsuccessful in that regard. #HeathenFail
So after some spray paint and glitter we have a sparkly clique worthy of being Beyonce's prehistoric backup dancers.
So now these fuckers are FABULOUUUUSSS.
Mr. Triceratops now has the fiercest neck piece in all the land.
I also threw in some snakes to keep with the reptilian theme. They're diamondbacks. OF GLITTAH!
And onto the mantel these dudes went.
It's like a jungle up there.
The second craft project I wanted this year was some garland for my beneath my reptilian jungle mantel of slithering, glittery awesomeness. I didn't really know what I was doing but I wanted something that looked like a Scandinavian hipster made it while sitting in an igloo and spinning their own fibers.
Since that's hard to find here in Chattavegas I had to improvise at the craft store with this.
Fingers crossed. After twisting and knotting and braiding about 25 feet of yarn the likes of which I'll never repeat in my lifetime (although Charlemagne wishes I would based on how much she enjoyed playing in the yarn knots) I ended up with something a blind Scandinavian might have made with fishing line and cat hairballs.
But it's up there and the dinosaurs seems to be cool with it so fine.
I actually wrapped the yarn garland with mirrored garland but for some reason it only reflects dark things instead of sweet and glittery things. I must have accidentally stepped in the Christmas aisle FROM HELL last year.
I also wanted to do something special for my tree so it doesn't get left out of all the fun.
I've had these tiny chair place card holders for so many years I don't remember where, why or how I got them but I figured maybe they could sit some of my fantasy festivus party guests. Like so:
I don't have an angel for the top of my tree so I put Michael Clarke Duncan (RIP) on top.
And since I couldn't find a Jezus to ride my dinosaur (that sounds like a terribly awesome euphemism for something terribly awesome) I invited a very sessy-looking Carl Sagan to my Chrimas par-tay.
And the Sarcastic Rover.
Grumpy Cat is also somewhere on the tree. I figured they both had really good 2012s.
But my favorite - and what I look at every night when I sit on my couch - is the most Christmas-y thing I've ever seen:
Danny Trejo releasing a dove of peace.
Charlemagne doesn't seem to give a shit about my fantasy Christmas party guests.
BTW, leaving my tree up til March. I'll just keep the curtains closed so no one will think I'm weird. I'd like to keep my weirdness private. On the internet.
Most exciting gift-wrapping development this year was the snakeskin paper (in the middle). Beyonce bless you, TJ Maxx.
By now I'm running out of craft steam and I can't take anymore shitty iPhone pictures but I did manage to hang some things on a branch near some of my Christmas cards..
I started drawing on some clear balls but I had a few too many cocktails and things were looking a little wonky... And too trendy? I dunno. My branch probably couldn't have handled any more weight so I'll pretend I stopped here on purpose.
Well, after I did that one at the back... How bitchin' are the bronze animal ornaments from Crate and Barrel? They still have some on sale if you are interested.
AnyBeyonce of magic and light, you're probably reading this AFTER the holiday and can't stand to see anything else Christmas-related but I'll be celebrating through March (as previously stated) so it's never to early to say: