Monday, August 18, 2014

Let's put the sauce on a low simmer for a bit...

I don't know about the rest of y'all but I've been somewhat of an emotional basketcase this past week and a half.  

I was already on shaky ground last Monday because I'd been watching the entirety of Deep Space Nine this year and saved the final episode for that night.  I came home and made a strong cocktail (ahem) and cried it out while saying goodbye to 173 episodes.  Who would have suspected such a turnaround from a show I despised to me crying over never seeing a Ferengi again?  I always like the weird/terrible ones.

And still with a Claire Danes-style trembling chin I learned of Robin Williams death.  I was too shocked at first to register emotion but then as I watched the reactions roll in I kinda lost it.  There I was drinking blood orange faery pee and making chicken gravy that was heavily seasoned by the salty rivers of my despair.  I could NOT stop crying for hours.

I didn't think I even liked Mrs. Doubtfire that much but apparently I did.  I'm STILL not over it completely and I refuse to watch the video of Koko the gorilla crying.  Every time I attempt to read an article about him I get upset.  I do not even have the capacity for Lauren Bacall right now.  My apologies.  

Then Wednesday I got SUCKED IN to the events in Ferguson.  Obsessed may be the more appropriate word now .  I was aware of the story but watching it happen in real time that night was pivotal.  And still is.

I was constantly checking for updates on the computer but couldn't seem to respond to an email or other basic internet protocol.  I had that last blog post ready to go for a week but couldn't seem to hit 'publish.'  I'm still up pretty much every night til midnight watching the protests unfold on Twitter. If you're interested in the events at all I strongly urge you to get yer ass over there pronto and follow the protesters and journalists on the street.  

Warning: "once you've committed to following the ghastliness of Ferguson, it's hard to think about anything else, watch about anything else, read about anything else."

I'm not normally so emotional but it may have something to do with hormones and spending several days working til midnight at home and being utterly sleep-deprived and Deep Space Nine residual grief.  Maybe I was also going through hot dog withdrawal?  Maybe everything hit at once.

I don't know but I cried when I learned that the Civil Wars broke up and then I cried over the sound of some of their harmonies.  I cried because I liked riding in my car at night so much (...the fuck?) and because my new bed pillows were the perfect blend of soft yet supportive.  I cried when I saw this picture of Janelle Monae and I cried when I read about Mo'ne Davis pitching in the little league world series.  I cried typing that sentence just remembering her smiling face.  There's no crying in little league, Lacy!

So basically I'm a giant gaping soul wound of flayed emotions, half-assed activism and Good Will Hunting references.  

I spent the weekend doing some emergency self care and it was most beneficial.  I need more.

I let out my frustration on a bunch of overgrown bushes in my garden, sweated a lot, helped a friend rearrange her furniture, tried to avoid electronic screens as much as possible, had some quality naked time, went to our local march (fully clothed) in solidarity with the protesters in Ferguson instead of just retweeting news, I made new friends, I drank a lot of water, I was in happy baby pose a lot, I worked out as much as possible - sometimes in the rain - and then I hung out in the rain some more.  

Not only did I check that off my summer bucket list (BOOM) but there's something about NOT avoiding the rain, being purposefully drenched in it, that is quite liberating despite its romantic comedy cliche vibe.  Just what I needed to momentarily forget about tweets.

Good thing I have a privacy fence.

The only things that make me actually laugh right now are videos of Robin Williams and Craig Ferguson together and that terrible Walking Dead 'Coral' meme.  It's so bad.  I can't stop cackling.

Birgit Jurgenssen via Alison Jacques Gallery
In light of these recent events and the fact that if I even look at a computer/phone/tv screen I get a headache, I'm taking a blogging break for the next two weeks.  I expect much more naked time and happy baby pose in my future.  Maybe even at the same time!

I'll be travelling for the next two weekends anyway so I figured this would be a perfect time.  I'll obviously be on Twitter (I CAN'T STOP!) although I'll try to respect my bedtime and  emotional well-being as much as possible.   

Hope everyone is taking care of themselves and I'll holler at you in a few weeks!


  1. Take some time out, naked time is the best! but better if submersed in water (rain is close) - there is a lot of bad stuff out there - nurture your soul

    1. Ugh you've reminded me a need a pool!

      Thanks, friend. Take care of you too. ; )

  2. Blogging breaks are good, self-care is even better. This past week and a half has been rough for me too. August can really go eff itself.

    Take care and we'll see you when you come back. *hugs*

    1. Thanks, I feel better already after some naps and more naps. Hope you're taking care of yourself too!

  3. Get a kiddie pool. Never got one until I had an actual toddler and now I regret all the time I wasted not lounging in solo glory. Trust me, it is not nearly as relaxing when your offspring (who is made up of all elbows & knees) leaps on you. Kiddie pool, drank, some ice packs to keep the water lukewarm & there you go!

    1. A kiddie pool was LITERALLY on my summer bucket list and I haven't done it yet. You are so smart. Actually, throwing the ice packs in makes you a GENIUS. I shall return soon refreshed and even trashier than usual!

  4. [Off topic: Blogspot thinks their so cute with their "show us you're not a robot" verification number thing for comments. Motherfucker, I'm also not a 20 year old with perfect eyesight so you better focus that shit before I punch you in your digital face.]

    1. I'm so sorry - I know it's a pain in the ass because I have to do the same things for other blogs. Stupid internet. Thanks for putting up with it to comment - I always appreciate your sound advice. ; )

  5. Ah....I know a whole lot of people who have this in August almost every year. But this year is worse. I avoided watching/reading/following the Ferguson stuff for several days but then, of course, got sucked in, too. We all need to, but many, it's HARD.

    I hope that you are feeling better by now. We all love you, Madame, and hope your happies come back quick.