Wednesday, August 21, 2013

An Augtober kind of neighborhood

I don't know about y'all but I feel like I'm living in an alternate universe this summer.  Global warming made August feel like October and now my sinuses are having a hurricane of snot in my head.  I'm having to chew with my mouth open because I can't breathe.  Thanks, Obama.

I cancelled most of my cable so I feel adrift in a sea of 24/7 non-HD Sheldon Cooper reruns and I'm praying for a swift and painless drowning.  

I joined the 21st century and tried this new "online dating" thang for a hot minute only to realize that I must live in a princess bubble of sequins and sunshine because 113% of the available population in my area is either a sociopath, someone who sends me bad poetry or has Jesus as their sassy gay friend.  Sometimes all three at once.  Everyone is illiterate.  Maybe I'll change my profile pic to me chewing with my mouth open...  

Probably get some weirdo who has a chewing fetish. He'll write me a dirty poem about masturbating to my mastication...  Summer of 2013, y'all!

Anychewzles, maybe because my life is currently very surreal I'm having a love affair with this project by Kid Zoom aka Ian Strange.

He's traveling around the country turning real houses into commentary about suburbia and the icon of homes but frankly I just want a big red cartoon house.

Some design bloggers might suggest matching your crown molding to your wall color but we take things to a whole new level around here.

Maybe it's the hurricane of snot and allergy meds in my head but this seems like a fantastic idea.

Oh.  Yes.  I'm sure my neighbors will think my house is marked by gawd because there's a plague inside but I'll be like "Nope, it's art, fuckers!"

They're gonna be even more confused if I tried to burn the Ranch down for ART then...

All pics (and more) from Arrested Motion
Hope everyone is having a fantastic Augtober with minimal snot hurricanes.  This weekend I'll be plotting what kind of large scale graffiti I'm going to apply to the exterior of my house.

I bet you're starting to think those suburban neighborhood HOA guidelines are pretty damn beneficial now, huh?!

Tough shit.  This is America. 

Where British people paint our houses for art and we like it.


  1. Who is Sheldon Cooper and could he be your online date?

    1. He's the guy from Big Bang Theory and dear gawd no I don't want to date him. I want to destroy that terrible show.

      Also, he's gay.

    2. Ah, hatred of The Big Bang Theory. We are kindred spirits yet again.

      There is no cable here at the SoResidence, but we get by with the wonders of Netflix, Hulu+ and Amazon Prime. Just Netflix has all the Star Trek you need.

      We don't have an HOA, so graffiti possibilities abound.

    3. Glad to know I'm not the only one - I'm very pro-nerd and WANT to like it but eehhhhhh....

      I have 4 channels left but I never watch them... figure if there's bad weather (or Supernatural!) on I'll need to watch it.

    4. IMO, The Big Bang Theory makes nerds the butt of the jokes and is not really a pro-nerd show. (I would contrast it with The IT Crowd.)

      I know this is a divisive topic amongst nerds.

    5. You're exactly right - with IT Crowd it's like you're on THEIR team.

      Now THAT'S a good show!

  2. Looking at pictures & being all snobby like, "eh, photoshop" because it's late and I'm stupid. Then suddenly realized HE PAINTED THE FUCKING HOUSES and all was right in the world. Fuck you, neighbors. You should have tried harder!

  3. Also, this is why America can't have nice things (for a special definition of "nice"). Damn Brits.

    1. YEAH he painted them! Check out his website for more behind the scenes pics and a great little video about it. I love this shiz.

      My house looks so sad now...

    2. In online dating cheer-you-up news I had a friend who approached it like a military campaign and eventually found her future husband that way. She had a whole system (and was on all the dating sites). One trick is that she always made dates for events that interested her anyway so if the date sucked at least she had partial fun. That might a only-in-California thing tho 'cause everyone is online here. Hmmm. That's not nearly as cheerful as I thought it would be.

    3. LOLOLOL I live in Tiny Town, USA and there are no "events" here. I'm starting to think there might not be functioning adults here either but thank you for the advice. Love hearing other success stories! ; )

  4. Well I have to tell you I love to watch one or to sketches from Big Bang every now and then, and I have a love-hate feeling for Sheldon, he shares my "love-hate" feeling with Homer Simpson, ironic, isn't it?... Regarding "matching" people online, I tried it once ... and I could never avoid the feeling that 95% of men who contact me were just fooling around, thing they have been doing since they dropped school guessing by their writing skills. It also assure me that the attraction men 20-30 years older than me have for moi is still there ... creepy isn't it? worst ! when I did this I was 32 but on the picture I looked younger like 25 or less ...more than infidelity it smelled like pedophilia. Ahh! nice memories!

    1. I just can't seem to get into Big Bang Theory... May you and Sheldon find true happiness together!

      Yeah... I didn't realize how many creepy people live in our world until I'm introduced to them on a daily basis. Ugh.