Sunday, October 21, 2012

This house wins the Newbery Medal for sauciness.

After my wallet and I had our come-to-jeezus moment recently I've decided to put myself on a financial cleanse.  It's like a food cleanse but less gassy.  Mostly because I can't afford to buy anything to eat...

Just kidding.  I'm just eating through the freezer and pantry right now and doing my best to not spend anywhere else except necessities like HBO and organic cheese.  I may even take up couponing!  I'll let you know how all this goes and when my Xtreme Couponing episode will appear on TLC.

Good thing the internet is magically free so I can at least shop for fake real estate even if I'm not allowing myself near an antique mall or Starbucks.
Just look at those black tiles in the fireplace.
This 1972 modern beauty built by Harry Seidler is full of concrete and wood is for sale in Sydney.  Not only can I not afford it, I can't even get there!  The internet might be magically free but it's the ultimate cock tease and my design boner is at full attention.  Booyah!

(this is getting gross...) 
Let's move this space to my special binder of soul style interiors.  #Bindersfullofinteriors  If you take away the sexy rainbow art you're left with wood paneling and concrete bricks which feels a lot like the public library I frequented while growing up.  

That's back when we didn't have Kindles.  That's a long time ago.  I'll give you a minute to remember the Dark Ages...

Six year old me was actually featured in the local paper for reading the most books during the summer of 1986 so I obviously spent a lot of time at that library.  My life pretty much went downhill after that brush with fame.  That's what happens to child stars except I didn't have any coke benders.  Just benders with organic cheese.
The library was menacingly long and low; the neanderthal cousin to this house.  I can't imagine a more perfect building to create an inviting atmosphere for kids.  However it did have lots of natural materials, poor lighting and sunken reading areas with groovy biomorphic furniture for all your day-long lounging needs.  (Looking at you, homeless people.)

Every library I've ever been in always has great modern furniture like it was no big deal - plywood Eames chairs under a few tables, a wire Bertoia stacked by the water fountain, whatever.  It's probably because no library has been built after 1969.  Fact.

These library memories are starting to crystallize some things in my early design vocabulary. Self-realization in 3... 2... 1...
We had a librarian that both scared and fascinated me because even at 6 I knew there was something unnatural with the amount of polyester she wore.  What was more unnatural was how frizzy and high she got her bouffant to go.  I was never sure if she spent hours getting it to look like that or did her hair once in 1963 really really well and just left it like that.

But gawd bless her, she organized those Newbery award books like her crazy cat lady life depended on it.  Her sanity probably did, at the very least.

Ahhh...  good times.
But since it's now illegal to wear that much polyester concurrently with that amount of hairspray, I'll have to relive my childhood a different way.  

With million dollar homes that have pure sex wood ceilings. 
And backlit fauxdenzas.  Say what?!

I'm certainly not going to read a book or go to the library to remember like some kind of crazy old weirdo! 
But that's not as crazy as having that creepy picture on the floor staring at you while you sleep.  Its eyes follow you EVERwhere!  Hope you like being watched while you masturbate, pervert.
The yard seems pretty secluded so you're probably safe to indulge all of your disgusting, pervert dreams out there, outdoor pervert.

I mean, you're basically at a public library, for chrissakes!!  THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Fuck the kids, this house has a SECRET POOL around the side!!!  Just look at that curvy brick wall.  My old library just got pwned.

That is an appropriate use of hedges.  
All images via Desire to Inspire.
If I had a place like this I might even be tempted to go check a book out from the library and read it in front of the pool.

Ahahahahaha just kidding.  I'd just sit there and clip coupons.  Financial Cleanse 2012.

I've got to save up money to buy an old library somehow.


  1. Are those fake dogs in the back yard??? Green and white ones?

    1. Yeah I think they look Jeff Koons-esque... Hard to tell from back here where I'm hiding in the bushes.

  2. Oops, aka deb (previous comment)

  3. Are we kindred souls or what? Back in high school the twinster and I won the award for most books checked out of our school library. Those romance novels could be why I did so poorly in Algebra class.

    1. But it probably explains why you know 27 different euphemisms for penis.

  4. Those wood ceilings are definitely nom worth...nom nom nom...Yummy!

    I've been known to while away the hours buying flats in London, homes on the Amalfi Coast, and castles in Germany, on the my mind. It is a fun way to explore and this house would definitely be on my list.

    1. Totally normal. Fantasy house hunting keeps me sane.