Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Glittermas!

Christmastime - the month where we celebrate my spirit angel, Beyonce, goddess of the glitter and sass -  is my favoritest time of the year.  I get to replenish my sparkle for the following year and indulge in excess because THAT'S THE REASON FOR THE SEASON.  Also, eggnog.

I had an entire pinboard of holiday fun times and crafts that I wanted to blog about but I was too busy enjoying the season (read: eating).  But I did manage to get in a few crafty thangs that would make Beyonce proud, so here's an image dump of what the MS Ranch looked like this year.

First up, like every hipster holiday craft project you've seen in the past two years,  I wanted to put some glittery animals up in this bitch.  

Specifically these:
My motherfucking clique.  On top of Mount Badescu.  I tried to find a Jezus figure to ride one of them but none of the Jezus figures I found had movable legs.  I wasted an entire night looking at every Spencer's Gifts-related piece of shit website on the interwebz to no avail.  I think that nothing would piss off a craft blogger more than if I stole their idea and then blasphemed it but I was unsuccessful in that regard.  #HeathenFail

So after some spray paint and glitter we have a sparkly clique worthy of being Beyonce's prehistoric backup dancers. 

So now these fuckers are FABULOUUUUSSS.  

 Mr. Triceratops now has the fiercest neck piece in all the land.

I also threw in some snakes to keep with the reptilian theme.  They're diamondbacks.  OF GLITTAH!

And onto the mantel these dudes went. 

It's like a jungle up there.

The second craft project I wanted this year was some garland for my beneath my reptilian jungle mantel of slithering, glittery awesomeness.  I didn't really know what I was doing but I wanted something that looked like a Scandinavian hipster made it while sitting in an igloo and spinning their own fibers.  

Since that's hard to find here in Chattavegas I had to improvise at the craft store with this.

Fingers crossed.  After twisting and knotting and braiding about 25 feet of yarn the likes of which I'll never repeat in my lifetime (although Charlemagne wishes I would based on how much she enjoyed playing in the yarn knots) I ended up with something a blind Scandinavian might have made with fishing line and cat hairballs.  

But it's up there and the dinosaurs seems to be cool with it so fine.

I actually wrapped the yarn garland with mirrored garland but for some reason it only reflects dark things instead of sweet and glittery things.  I must have accidentally stepped in the Christmas aisle FROM HELL last year.

I also wanted to do something special for my tree so it doesn't get left out of all the fun.  

I've had these tiny chair place card holders for so many years I don't remember where, why or how I got them but I figured maybe they could sit some of my fantasy festivus party guests.  Like so:

I don't have an angel for the top of my tree so I put Michael Clarke Duncan (RIP) on top.

And since I couldn't find a Jezus to ride my dinosaur (that sounds like a terribly awesome euphemism for something terribly awesome) I invited a very sessy-looking Carl Sagan to my Chrimas par-tay.

And Bey...

And the Sarcastic Rover

Grumpy Cat is also somewhere on the tree.  I figured they both had really good 2012s.

But my favorite - and what I look at every night when I sit on my couch - is the most Christmas-y thing I've ever seen:

Danny Trejo releasing a dove of peace.

Charlemagne doesn't seem to give a shit about my fantasy Christmas party guests.

BTW, leaving my tree up til March.  I'll just keep the curtains closed so no one will think I'm weird.  I'd like to keep my weirdness private.  On the internet.

Most exciting gift-wrapping development this year was the snakeskin paper (in the middle).  Beyonce bless you, TJ Maxx.

By now I'm running out of craft steam and I can't take anymore shitty iPhone pictures but I did manage to hang some things on a branch near some of my Christmas cards..

I started drawing on some clear balls but I had a few too many cocktails and things were looking a little wonky... And too trendy?  I dunno.  My branch probably couldn't have handled any more weight so I'll pretend I stopped here on purpose.

Well, after I did that one at the back...   How bitchin' are the bronze animal ornaments from Crate and Barrel?  They still have some on sale if you are interested.

AnyBeyonce of magic and light, you're probably reading this AFTER the holiday and can't stand to see anything else Christmas-related but I'll be celebrating through March (as previously stated) so it's never to early to say:

Merry Glittermas, saucy readers!  I'll see y'all back here in 2013 or in, like, five minutes on Twitter.


  1. Merry Glittermas to you, darling! more like a merry meltxmas around here. Here we celebrate the night of the 24th and wait woke up, till 25th it was a looong day with high temperatures, the wind chill was 116.6 °F (call it "wind chill" is undiluted sarcasm). I had to beg Krakatoa to get into the house, or she will be so cooked that will turn into the main menu... she got into the house and fainted in front of the fan ....Honestly it has been so hot this past days that my Christmas spirit melted away ... I will try to recover it for new years eve!

    1. 116?! I believe you're my first reader from the planet Mars! I hope you and your kitty stay cool - I'll pray to Beyonce for a cold front for you. Happy (chilled) Glittermas!

  2. It looks perfect! I love the pictures in your tree :)


    -PS thanks for the Christmas Card, it was fantastic!

    1. Thanks! I liked how everything turned out this year but am already thinking about next year! I bet I can draw straighter lines too... ; )

      Thanks for your craftspiration

  3. It's gorgeous! Beyonce is well pleased.

    1. Thanks and may Beyonce bless you with a fortuitous 2013.

  4. Thus made me laff really hard I peed a little. True story. I miss you trick need to stop by more often, but I have to he responsible and shit. Typing this from work. Maybe I will do this more often long as I dont get in trouble. Trick out.
    PS I'll be on the look out for a movable baby Jesus.

    1. Sorry I ruined your panties (NOT). You are always an honored guest here at the Sauce! I don't do fancy glittery things all the time but they are always worthy of getting into trouble at work for.

  5. Oh yeah, merry Christmas and shit.

    PS pretty sure I'm going to hell for typing shit right after Christmas.

    1. I think you're ok but if you do find me a bendable jesus you will DEF go to hell for that.

  6. I hope your dinosaur gets ridden soon, wink, wink, say no more, know what I mean, huh?

    1. Fuck. This dinosaur metaphor didn't really work out as I had planned!

  7. Good Lord, your tree looks like a glitter bomb exploded. I love it!

    So nice to see other people's amazing craft efforts - even if they hate them. Actually, the hatred makes it better. I bought these oh-so-cool minimalist cardboard trees at Target thinking I would trick them out with metallic pens & shit then the pens started dying, I'm reduced to stripes and after one tree I want to set the lot on fire. Apparently, me + crafting = suckage. Yours were awesome.

    1. Glitter bomb?! Fuck yes, thank you very much.

      I bet your trees look awesome - everyone always thinks their shit is the worst but it's probably fine. Fucking blogger complex and shit. But thanks anyway. ; )

  8. Nicely done! LOVE the photos and Danny Trejo...I'm pretending all this crap can stay up forever and ignoring it, despite really wanting at all magically packed up by elves.

    1. Thank you! Yep, I'm just gonna close the curtains and it'll be Christmas all year around in here and no one will be the wiser. Mwahahaha!

  9. Aw, I see a tiny Jane Browning head poking out... from behind another card...! Thanks for your card as well!! I appreciate having an internet-friend-person that says fuck as much as I do. ;)

    Happy Fucking New Year, Saucy!!

    1. Thank you! I tried to keep the kids hidden and in another area of the house but I had some overflow. Hope it's okay if she made an appearance. ; )

      I totally fucking appreciate you too! Have a fucking awesome new year!