Monday, March 18, 2013

The fine art of embroidery and vulgarity.

Maybe it's the 18th century Quaker in me, but I have a special affinity for needlework and embroidery.  Something about the tiny details appeals to my Virgo nature and the gendered nature of the craft is something any feminist hate likes.

It's hard for me to not squee over a turn-of-the-century sampler:

Sampler from 1751 here

or even a more... modern... example of embroidery like this - and I quote - "cum rag" aka "Tidy Cloth:"

buy yours at Tidy Cloth!
As a feminist I hate like this too.  Just in a different way.

I need a Tidy Cloth for my mind after seeing that.

Everybody seems to be on the embroidery bandwagon and if you want accurate anatomical diagrams of your vagina on an embroidery hoop you can find it in spades on Etsy.  

But when I saw these embroidered pieces by Ana Teresa Barboza (not on Etsy) it was refreshingly impressive.

Before everyone started embroidering fallopian tubes we had embroidered black and white found photographs, pages of science books decorated with French knots and my personal favorite: embroidered portraits of current pop culture icons.

Where else do you go after seeing the entire Wu Tang Clan rendered in yarn including Ol' Dirty Bastard with a gold lurex grill?  

If anyone remembers this artist kindly pass it on to me.  I saw embroidered ODB before the age of Pinterest.

And these may not have the gangsta quality of Wu Tang nor the cervical quality of my cross stitched lady parts but they seem to strike a happy medium.

When I was younger I actually did a lot of needlework which cemented my cool kid status in the 5th grade.  Nothing says 'I'm going to be a cat lady and have a blog in 15 years!' more than embroidering a howling wolf on a pillowcase for your closest 10 year old friends.

And 15 years later: done and DONE.

Just think if I could have stuck with it I could have been an amazing artist rather that embroiders photographs rather  than a wine-dependent, Internet addict with a box full of fading yarn skeins in my closet.

Or I could have made this:

Vagina Dentata by Scarlet Tentacle
Which I really hope someone buys for me.  

Just look at how accurate the teeth are!


  1. That vagina dentata reminds me of the giant worms in Tremors, except more deformed.

    1. I do love that movie and now I want to own that piece more than ever!

  2. Good lord... I've officially seen it all.

  3. Ok I think I'm authorized to used the 4th OMG of my life, yes I count them, I couldn't resist to take a look to Tidy Cloth and those "Shejaculate and Hejaculate" are just something? nice wedding gift, right? and if you think $40 is to little you can add the c**ocksucker.

    1. I bet you can register for them! To make shopping easier for your friends.

  4. Sweet baby Jesus! I don't what's worse - not only do I love the cum rag embroidery store but I have a friend who would love the 'jaculates clothes. I would give them to her for her wedding, but that's gonna be in a year or two and I just don't think I can wait that long. What does it say that these are my "thought of you" gifts?

    Also the stitching/pulling their skin off art? Fuck. YES.