Sunday, November 17, 2013

Madame Gravy Goes to Washington.

We know I've been a Cranky McLeafhater this Fall - a pumpkin-flavored thing hasn't touched my lips, been wearing sandals with my jackets, shaking my fist at your decorative front porch mums.  But I think I finally turned my attitude around thanks to a short vacation last week to DC.

My goal was to be spiritually transformed by some leaves and eat something pumpkin and generally be less of a jerk.  I think all of those things happened but at least I know that I Instagrammed those things that made it look like I was spiritually transformed.

However, the only pumpkin thing I've had so far was a piece of stale pumpkin loaf from an airport Starbucks which was still good I don't give a shit.  I love pumpkin and I don't care how much people on the internet make fun of white girls liking pumpkin I'M PROUD TO BE A PALE, PUMPKIN APPRECIATOR!

Well, I like pumpkin but not the part about sounding like a white supremecist...

Aaaanypunkins, I also ate some pho for the first time which makes kinda does make me sound like some kind of white supremecist hillbilly but we do not have these fancy things in Chattavegas!

It far surpassed the stale pumpkin loaf I had and was so delicious I don't even care if you make fun of me for Instagramming my food.  Us hillbillies gotta get it where we can.

To make up for it here are some moderately better pictures of places we've all seen a thousand times.  YOU'RE WELCOME.

But don't ask me what these things are because I have about the same level of tourism depth as I do reading comprehension: ZERO.

That's probably why I've been so spotty with my blogging - I barely have the reading comprehension to process my OWN writing.  Chew on that for a while ooh look is that more pho over there?!


Is that pho heartburn or is that the tingle as my soul begins to be transformed by Autumn's splendor?

I want a pair of these dudes to flank my front porch.  It's a thousand times better than mums.

Look!  A place!  In another city!  I love travel.

I like DC - it's a real city that is easy to walk around in and is a short flight from Chattanooga.  This means that all the gays are going there to get married and I actually bumped into a couple I know doing exactly that on my same flight.  I'm calling this route the Equality Express now. 

Because fuck you, Tennessee.

But it wasn't all important monuments and buildings I won't remember, I got my nature on too!  I can't remember who's in that statue but I remember metro stops and that these pictures are from Great Falls.

I can't go anywhere without seeing at least SOME rocks.  If I can get there using the handicap accessible trail which I may have done.  

If you look close at the bottom in the middle you'll see a kayaker.  That's as close to I will ever get to living on the edge - WATCHING someone else kayak.  It definitely got my heart pumping.  Much like it does when there are pumpkin flavored things nearby.

Aaaand... I think I'm finally in the holiday spirit.  I had to spend a few days in Texas before going home and I couldn't even wear my sandals with my jacket there it was so cold.  It really is a different season now and Mother Nature said no takesies backsies so we're doing this.

But now that means I have to actually do something with the leaves in my yard instead of pretending magical summer fairies will come and take them away.

You know what this means, y'all?  MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS IS TOMORROW.

See you at the mall.  Please leave me a slice of stale pumpkin loaf.  It's all that will sustain me through the rest of this holiday season.


  1. Why not leave your leaves as they are and call it DesignArt? And don't let anyone call you a Mo' Pho!

    1. Your comments always make me laugh and shake my head at the same time... ; )

  2. I just leave the leaves in piles around my trees and if anyone ask I said "mother nature will take care of it "... or "do you want me to leave my trees with no nutrition for next spring? ... how anti-ecologist from you!" aaaand that's enough... ;)

    1. Ha! That's a good idea to just accuse them of being tree-haters, YOU TREE HATERS!! I'm just hoping for a lot of wind to just blow them away... ; )

  3. You call it Christmas, but I call it "the return of Krampus."

    ps, I love DC.
    pps, also Pho. The best when it's cold.

    1. I need some serious Krampus art in my life. We have less than two weeks before my tree goes up so that's plenty of time to raid etsy for some Krampus love!

      Cold? Really? Next time!

    2. Whoops! I meant when the weather is cold, not the pho!

    3. Hahahaha ok that makes more sense and YES so delicious that way. ; )

  4. Your photos are kick-ass. I find the first one so pretty I want to cry.

    (Possibly eating a plateful of chocolate chip cookies (homemade, bitches! I'm pioneer lady!) and drinking undiluted espresso wasn't my best idea.)

    Regardless, I like to think it's not "watching a kayaker" but rather, "watching someone attempt to die using only a kayak and river and GIANT FUCK ALL ROCKS", but that's just me. What's that? Pho time? Yes, yes, all the time.

    1. You must be pregnant or something or have a hormone disorder if those make you want to cry but... I'LL TAKE IT THAT'S SO NICE OF YOU TO SAY!

      I really am in the Fall spirit now. Would be better with cookies and espresso but I can't have everything.

      There were about 20 people all watching these guys kayak and we were all gripping each other hoping we wouldn't witness their doom. We'd of course have it on camera though because duh.