Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Merry Christmas from the ModSauce Ranch!

IT HAS BEGUN.  My body has been consumed by the spirit of glitter and excess and I am TRANSFORMED.  And bloated.  Maybe it's the eggnog.

Either way I'm ready to explode with joy and moderately priced gifts bought out of love through Amazon.

Here's what Christmas is looking like at the Ranch this year.
Wreath starting to sag? Turn it clockwise a few hours and you're good to go!
Mr. Slim Wreath got moved to above my couch to rain good tidings and small spiders on my head.  And yes I keep eleventeen blankets on my couch at all times.  This selection inclues one my mom crocheted for me, the plaid is from the 1996 JCP catalog and is totally back in style now and the bottom "fur" one is from the (yes) Dollar General.  I meant to use it as a tree skirt but Charlemagne and I rather liked it...

This is her happy blanket face.  It kinda looks like her bitch face and hungry face and annoyed face and tummy rubs face. 

I've also been on the citrus train this holiday season.  Making pomanders is a great childhood memory for me which I tried to recreate a few years ago only to realize those cloves are torture devices straight from Krampus himself!  BUT I tried to put them into Clementines and sweet citrus savior in he manger it was a dream.  Now my house smells divine and I've retained use of my fingers.  A win/win!

I don't know what's happening on my coffee table... a win/lose?  It's like a plate of old food mixed with shiny things...?  I think it's a collection of leftover ornaments that didn't make it on the tree so I just left them there.  I shoulda studied more Dutch still life references.

Forgot to put candles in the lanterns...
Over on the sideboard I hung up some dried orange slices also studded with cloves.  If I was a punk rocker that's my clothes would be studded with: cloves.  

That combo is my favorite holiday scent, obviously.  I've petitioned for some Pop-tarts and pizza rolls of the same flavors but they haven't returned my harassing phone calls.

Yes, this twig thing stays up all year.  Don't care.
Now these ARE orange slices since I need a bigger round.  Sliced and baked on a rack at 250 for about three hours or so.  I decorated with some cloves but I've seen really cute ones with cranberries and cinnamon sticks tied on - just search Pinterest and tons of options come up.  So easy.  Will make again x 100. 

Tiny Santa and a church death candle.  Remember, dark Christmas.

Also feeling the big Moroccan lantern for this holiday? More next year?
It's a jumbled mess but I'm feeling it.  That skull is working its way through every season around here.  Wait til you see what I do with it for Easter!

Someone should name them!  I have three!
I haven't bought a lot of new decoration items this year but I did find these adorable little porcelain gnomes on Instagram from a great etsy shop called Salt and Ginger. I bought them with the intent to give them as gifts but I don't think I can let them go.  I mean, Chattanooga kinda has a gnome theme and also I'm selfish.

They are about 100 years old and were dug out of the ground outside a German toy factory so they are gnome zombies. 

They go well with my Crate and Barrel village that is terrorized by glittered dinosaurs and foxes.

It's a regular menagerie of weirdness up in here!

I see that calligraphy class is coming in handy.  Just kidding that's wonky as fuck...  I hope my instructor isn't reading this.

Saucy tip: I like yarn because it's soft and I have fantasies of learning to knit one day but it also is cheaper than fancy twine and ribbon for wrapping presents.  

However, I did enjoy making this giant yarn pom as a bow!  Tutorial here.

I strongly recommend NOT buying IKEA wrapping paper.  UGH.
It's yarn MADE of tiny poms that became a giant pom.  It's a pom within a pom.  Inception pom.  

Might I also recommend leather or suede to tie your gifts?  It's like Christmas for a lumbersexual.  I can practically smell the forest in here oh wait I can it's the all the fresh greenery I've used.  

Moms.  They probably don't care how amateur the calligraphy is, thank gawd.

Yes, that's the snake tail from last year that may or may not have stayed out all year...

I'm a little meh with my tree this year but if you squint it looks fine.

Charlemagne doesn't mind.

So I've got a lot more crafting and baking up ahead but here's where we are right now.  And by here I mean watching dystopian movies like Snowpiercer (OMG) and Divergent while I wrap the last of the gifts and try to find something else to put Fireball in.  Again, I strongly recommend you explore the darker side of the season if for no other reason than Snowpiercer is just that good.

So Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Joyous Thursday to you all from all of us at the ModSauce Ranch.

I spend way too much time drawing these for how they look.  But lettering slightly better here? 
Thank you for reading me this year when I've been all grumpy and unfunny and for all your comments and support.  They mean a lot and it just goes to show I have an amazing bunch of readers.  All six of you!

I'm going to be taking the next few weeks off so I'll see all you saucy cats in 2015! 


  1. I am curious how you will be as hilarious and entertaining in 2015 as you were in 2014. You definitely give me perspectives and phrases I would never have figured on own. By the eay, you must keep gnome zombies or they slather bad juju.

  2. Great, now I'm contemplating buying zombie gnome purely so people can ask me where I got it and I say "THE UNCONSECRATED GROUND OF A TOY FACTORY". I demand you make a version of the Brutalist wire sculpture Salt and Ginger are selling - looks a man beating a tree. Good metaphor for x-mas, no?

  3. LOVE the top of the tree (& all the other decos).