So I'm officially starting my new year this week. I'm embarrassingly late as with most things in my life: five minutes late for dinner, fifteen minutes late for work, forever late for figuring out just what the hell is kombucha. Seriously, what the fuck are y'all doing to beverages?
Every New Year's post I've read included the phrase "I don't believe in New Year's resolutions BUT..." which is code for "I'm going on a secret diet of kombucha and warm pickles to make me hate my Christmas self less."
Confession: this was probably me at some point but fuck it, I'm actually feeling some resolutions this year. Let's RESOLVE some shit. I want some straight up 1995 Cosmo magazine New Year's resolution making. Call it the Normcore of personal development. A simpler, more basic approach to life.
I'm getting old and don't have time to wait until May like a punk-ass. I'm ready right now I don't care what month it is.
What am I resolving to do, you ask? I'm cheating because I'm doing things that are in no way quantifiable and therefore I can't fail. It's the resolution loophole.
This year I'm throwing away my eternal (and impressively color-coded) to-do list and living mindfully in the moment: I'm gonna take care of myself like it's my hobby! See? What the fuck does that pretentious bullshit even mean? No one really knows and that's why I can't fail!
|Laminata Glass House|
I've subscribed to the concept of 'the only things certain in life are death and taxes' and everything else I'm doing with the purpose of adding value to my life. Go to work, feed my cat, try not to die today - what else do I have to do? Technically, not a gotdamn thing since all my bills are paid on autodraft.
In that case, I'm gonna do whatever I feel like doing in the moment that's adds value to my life without guilt - maybe it's properly moisturizing my skin in places that have probably never been properly moisturized before, maybe it's repainting my hallway which I've talked about doing for seven years, maybe it's taking my vitamins semi-regularly, maybe it's drawing cartoons, maybe it's trying to get my splits back, maybe it's binge watching The Vikings for eight hours. Whatever I'm gonna do I'm doing it because I feel like it's what I really need in the moment and sometimes you need eight uninterrupted hours of bearded Northmen all up in your moments.
Since I live a gorgeously privileged life where these things are possible I'm gonna roll with it. I've worked really hard to even be able to HAVE a hallway to paint and I don't even make it pretty. I'm living life wrong.
And guess what? I haven't failed yet! My house is clean enough, I've watched all the tv a girl can dream of, my hallway is already halfway painted AND I've gotten so many more things accomplished without that crutch of a to-do list.
Apparently, shit has a way of resolving itself when you quit forcing yourself to resolve it. Does that sound ableist? Do you want to punch me? I don't know. But I DO know that my taint has never been so silky smooth and moisturized.
Happy 2015, y'all.