Monday, January 12, 2015

Hobbies and hallways.

I guess it's time to officially bring the Sauce into the year of our Lord Gawd Beyonce two thousand and fitteen.  I took a few weeks off for the holidays so naturally I used that time to party and celebrate hahaha just kidding I was sick a lot.  It's my New Year's Eve tradition.  Auld Lang Synus Problems.  

So I'm officially starting my new year this week.  I'm embarrassingly late as with most things in my life: five minutes late for dinner, fifteen minutes late for work, forever late for figuring out just what the hell is kombucha.  Seriously, what the fuck are y'all doing to beverages?

Derek Swalwell
Every New Year's post I've read included the phrase "I don't believe in New Year's resolutions BUT..." which is code for "I'm going on a secret diet of kombucha and warm pickles to make me hate my Christmas self less."  

Confession: this was probably me at some point but fuck it, I'm actually feeling some resolutions this year.  Let's RESOLVE some shit.  I want some straight up 1995 Cosmo magazine New Year's resolution making.  Call it the Normcore of personal development.  A simpler, more basic approach to life.

I'm getting old and don't have time to wait until May like a punk-ass.  I'm ready right now I don't care what month it is.

What am I resolving to do, you ask?  I'm cheating because I'm doing things that are in no way quantifiable and therefore I can't fail.  It's the resolution loophole.  

This year I'm throwing away my eternal (and impressively color-coded) to-do list and living mindfully in the moment: I'm gonna take care of myself like it's my hobby!  See?  What the fuck does that pretentious bullshit even mean?  No one really knows and that's why I can't fail!   

Laminata Glass House
I've subscribed to the concept of 'the only things certain in life are death and taxes' and everything else I'm doing with the purpose of adding value to my life.  Go to work, feed my cat, try not to die today - what else do I have to do?  Technically, not a gotdamn thing since all my bills are paid on autodraft.

Tadao Ando
In that case, I'm gonna do whatever I feel like doing in the moment that's adds value to my life without guilt - maybe it's properly moisturizing my skin in places that have probably never been properly moisturized before, maybe it's repainting my hallway which I've talked about doing for seven years, maybe it's taking my vitamins semi-regularly, maybe it's drawing cartoons, maybe it's trying to get my splits back, maybe it's binge watching The Vikings for eight hours.  Whatever I'm gonna do I'm doing it because I feel like it's what I really need in the moment and sometimes you need eight uninterrupted hours of bearded Northmen all up in your moments.

Since I live a gorgeously privileged life where these things are possible I'm gonna roll with it.  I've worked really hard to even be able to HAVE a hallway to paint and I don't even make it pretty.  I'm living life wrong.  

And guess what?  I haven't failed yet!  My house is clean enough, I've watched all the tv a  girl can dream of, my hallway is already halfway painted AND I've gotten so many more things accomplished without that crutch of a to-do list.

Society Inc.
Apparently, shit has a way of resolving itself when you quit forcing yourself to resolve it.  Does that sound ableist?  Do you want to punch me?  I don't know.  But I DO know that my taint has never been so silky smooth and moisturized.

Norm Architects

Happy 2015, y'all.


  1. ok, so, i know you were being funny with the moisturizing bit, but... have you ever discovered the magic of moisturizer with urea in it? it fixes dry elbows, cracking heels, chapped lips, nose-blown-raw noses, dry/painful backs of hands. and it even helps do away with foot fungus. i didn't even know this stuff existed until a few months ago. i am now a very big fan. "udderly smooth" is a common brand, the one i have been using (mostly for my hands, nose, and lips) and though it doesn't smell very great, i only put it on right before bed, and after several nights of use, there's a big improvement and then i can stop using it until the next dry spell crops up. well, just thought i'd share about its magic b/c that is kind of its very nature, to allow you to moisturize (well, and repair) things you never have before.

    1. i should point out, i have tried a billion formulations of moisturizers before. nothing does what this does. and this even works better than that "all about lips" stuff that costs a fortune, and better than the handful of lovely scented body butters and intensive hand creams i've owned. and it soaks in fully to a velvety smooth matte finish, leaving no oiliness on the surface of your skin, which is amazing. sorry for the double-comment, but i had to add those details!

    2. Oooh I did not! I'd heard of urea in moisturizers for KP but never really looked into it. I mean, my taint is pretty good but my FACE dear gawd my face is a mess. I've been putting straight shea butter on it which I've heard is a no no but I'm running out of options! Will definitely look into Udderly Smooth. I have no problem with pee face if it gets rid of redness and flaking skin. This winter is an asshole.

    3. No, no - comment away! I think we need to have a moisture report on the blog one day! Thanks for all the info!

  2. I'm going crazy with the moisturizer too, this year. I just discovered and am now in love with Josie Maran Argan Infinity Creamy Oil ($28 at Sephora, so not much guilt on the price) and have been painting it all over my under-eye wrinkles (plus face generally, plus dried out finger-webs) multiple times a day. It sort of sits on the skin in a shiny way, so good thing I work at home.

    1. Ooh will check out! Thanks for the rec! I've got some Josie Maran Argan oil just plain but the creamy oil has me intrigued and delighted!

      Ok that's it I'm doing a post on moisturizers next week. Thanks, y'all!