Friday, May 21, 2010

Way to go Pantone. You killed Florida.

Turquoise, I know what you're trying to do and it's not working.    

Even though the pairing of blue and orange is my favorite complimentary color combo EVAR, all of this fabulosity that I'm seeing these past few months is not make me turn a blind eye to your evil plan Pantone.

Using it with delicious juicy tangerine might sway the general public but I'm not falling victim to your plot to spur Turquoise consumption!!  Because guess what more blue means?  The need for more OIL!!  (Seriously.  If you haven't you need to read this old post first.) 


Because guess what happened Pantone???!!  That sandy beach behind that adorable vintage camp table is not pristine anymore.  The ocean floor has been vomiting up Pantone's favorite ingredient so that beach is now covered in giant tar balls and dead dolphins you FUCKERS!!

last two via From the Right Bank
Oh that was a close one.  Fortunately I quickly recovered from the fabulosity of that tufted chair and that awesome graphic quilt.  I steeled myself.


Ironic huh?  Cute little butterflies that are no doubt soon to be all tarred up in filth.  You disgust me.

You know I like creepy animal things but this isn't going to work either.  I'm too drunk smart.  I'm still thinking about oily crabs and dead turtles.

Won't be wearing these to the beach this year.  

Ok look.  How bout we make a deal?  If you cut back on the oil, give us the Gulf back I'll totally concede Panama City Beach to you.   You can have it completely.  No questions asked.  I mean no one really likes it anyway.  It can be yours alone to dump your oily filth for all your Turquoise orgies and then we'll just pretend that all this never happened.

The only time I've been to PCB was the time I traveled there on a "Bikinis 4 Jesus" church retreat with my friend's youth group in the summer of 94.  It was one of those “progressive” churches where the youth director said ‘damn’ a lot and played the guitar.  I remember it was the Spring because on the van trip home a girl cried because the radio announced that Kurt Cobain died.  She also cried the night before because she was so moved by the beachfire rendition of Amazing Grace played by Steve the youth 45-yr-old youth director and his out-of-tune guitar.  As I was raised by heathens you can see how all this was very confusing and why I worshipped grunge music.  Also why I hate PCB.

I guess if we're being honest Madame Sunday did have another trip to PCB later but it involved blackouts and a dolphin tattoo. 

Ahahahahahahahahaha!  Just kidding.  It was a peace frog.

So Pantone let’s compromise –  if you keep Turquoise to yourself you can have PCB if we can have, say, the REST OF THE FUCKING GULF?  Mkay?


  1. I feel tur-queasy. My dangly Navajo earring just starting burning my earlobe (or maybe it was my delicate eardrums scorched by your colored vitriole). Had to run out to the slop sink and rinse, rinse, rinse. And then cancel my trip to PCB. I can get weird amphibian tattoos right here, thank you very much. Anywhere I please. PS When is the next Bikinis 4 Jesus event?

  2. I'm sorry I cancelled my subscription to the "Bikinis 4 Jesus" newsletter so I don't know their upcoming schedule.

  3. This blog absolutely makes my day. Thanks to Bob Borson for sending me in your direction!

  4. That is so weird because you TOTALLY just made my day! Also I've been paying Bob (in skittles) for readers so I owe him a WHOLE BAG now!

    Thanks so much reading!

  5. Only green skittles thank you very much...