Sunday, May 1, 2011

This makes me exceedingly happy...

…that this is the worst of the debris that made its way into my yard after the terrible storms and tornadoes of the past week.   My house and neighborhood are okay – many downed trees and power lines but nothing that isn’t fixable.  Many fared much worse.

Getting back to a normal routine seems harder to accomplish not only because I don’t have an internet connection and am typing this at a Starbucks with 150 of my closest neighborhood friends, but because I drive by absolute devastation every day.  It’s a wholly different thing to see tragedy in person rather than see it on the news - especially if it's a place where you spend a lot of time. My friends and family closer to the damage don’t have power and have to boil their water – still lucky.   The constant background noise of sirens, chainsaws and helicopters around my house is just now starting to lessen.   Attempting to blog feels silly (nor do I really have the inclination to do so) and blogging about a brand new kitchen when my nearby neighbors have lost everything feels grotesque.   I was supposed to be having my final inspection last week the day the storms came so obviously that didn’t happen.  In addition, my contractor works with the fire department so I know he spent several sleepless days and nights helping victims.  And you wonder why I have a hard time being assertive with him when he is a HERO!  A hero with puppy dog eyes.

Pretty much the worst thing that’s happened to me is my power went out for a day.   I lost some food in the fridge, my house smelled like a candle store barfed and my delicate ladyperson sensibilities were offended when I was propositioned by a horny neighbor looking for a way to pass the apparently impossibly long night without tv.  Dude, calm your dick down and show some respect for me and, you know, the death and destruction a few miles away.  However he did throw in option of grilling me a pork chop which, I won’t lie, was rather tempting considering all I had at home was an apple and some stale crackers but um, no thanks.  I do draw the line at prostituting myself for food until the actual apocalypse comes.

Frankly all of those things can be considered kinda good – I still have a house that has the luxury of smelling like candle barf, I get to shop and restock my fridge, I spent some time huddled in a candlelit tub and I was deemed good enough for bored sex.   I’m on top of the world. 

Actually, the hardest thing I had to do was deciding whether it was more important to donate large amounts of tampons or peanut butter.  There are some things I would gladly forego a meal for if I had to make a choice...  But I opted for both.  And contact solution.  Nobody thinks of contact solution.  

So I spent the weekend in quiet domestic service (Time to get a smartphone!  And a battery powered radio…) here at the Ranch.  Washing windows, picking up candy-colored insulation from my yard blown in from gawd knows where and gratefully cleaning my baseboards.  I never thought I’d ever type ‘gratefully cleaning’ and ‘baseboards’ in the same sentence but a little perspective does that to a person.

So please pardon me while I try to find my internet connection and my sense of normalcy again.  I imagine it’ll be spotty for a time.


  1. I'm so glad you're safe, Madame.

    And still deadsexy.

  2. Thankful for your safety(and ours). Appreciate the neighborly spirit all around those who were less fortunate. It takes a village!

  3. Madame, I am so happy to know that you, Charlemagne and the Ranch are all well. I am very thankful to have escaped any damage at home and at work. They are saying that we might get power back on at the apartment complex tomorrow evening.

    One thing that I did learn is that there is a very eclectic assortment of people who live around me. Thursday, my friend/neighbor and asst. resident manager, myself and probably a dozen or so other residents who had not evacuated all came together to grill what we had in our fridges & freezers over charcoal, which just makes anything taste good...such as the roast that one lady brought to the table. We sliced it up and grilled it along with a whole bunch of chicken. The roast was a bit tough, but tasty still.

    I can identify with you being hit on by your neighbor, one of mine did the same thing, the toothless African American guy....hmmmm, no thanks, I have never been, nor will I ever be that desperate...just saying.

    I know that you and all of us will be glad when things get back to what we consider normal.

    Brenda Lynn

  4. Having just gone through a natural disaster ourselves, (in Oz), I can totally empathize with you. Our house went under in floods and all our renovations were completely annihilated, but I can still appreciate the silver-lining of our situation ie: we didn't lose everything we own and no loved ones were lost. However, it doesn't change the "suckiness" of it all. But you do learn the true meaning of community spirit in times like these (and I don't mean that in the way of horny neighbours!). Keep a sense of humour and soldier on - things do return to normal eventually.

  5. Glad to know the Ranch and its residents are OK. You are worth far more than a pork chop. We're all thinking of you!

  6. 1. Forget the pork chop; hold out for a quiche with glitternaise.
    2. We now know you have some standards, low as they may be.
    3. You might have accidentally let it slip that you are a kind-hearted person.
    4. You know this means you'll never get that final inspection, right?

  7. Raina - You know, with the power out it might have improved the experience! Things to remember for next time... ; )

    Nick - ditto! Glad y'all are well too!

    Brenda - Hope your power is back soon! Yes an incident like this brings everyone together - their good and bad parts. ; )

    Aussie Jane - So nice to hear from you and thank you for commenting! Terrible to hear about your flooding and damage to your home but it sounds like YOU are doing excellent in seeing the silver lining. I'm only mildly inconvenienced so my heart goes out to people like you and many of my neighbors who are affected by devastation. Hope you got to enjoy your remodels at least for a bit before having to do them again! Wishing you all the best. ; )

    Kim - Can I get a steak at least?? Doesn't have to be a filet but a rump roast....?? Something??!!

    AFF -
    1. mmhhhh... glitternaise. I had to throw out my supply since everything in my fridge went bad so I need to replenish my stock soon!
    2. Low, indeed. If he hadn't of patted me on the back like I was on his baseball team his chances might have been improved. Probably not though...
    3. Dammit!!
    4. Yep. Here's hoping by an approved kitchen by Xmas 2015.

    Thanks for everyone's kind words and thoughts. They are very much appreciated!

  8. Glad you, your ranch and cat are doing well with all those blasted storms. I know what you mean, blogging does seem silly, but we're still glad you are posting :)

  9. Just blogging about my normal jazz seemed weird but I had to acknowledge the situation somehow. Thanks for your thoughts. ; )

  10. So sorry that things are waxing apocalyptic around there. I hope that Mad Max swoops in to save the day soon! Hopefully said saving will not involve the use of a penis...

  11. I love a good Mad Max reference so me too! Penis need not apply.

    Thank you for your thoughts. ; )