Sunday, May 15, 2011

27% closer to be 100% shithole free.

Now that the MS Ranch has a fancy new kitchen, I'm well on my way to living in a house that's not 100% shithole.  Unfortunately this is like 53% of my angle for this blog and if I start losing that I'll have about 71.4% less funny fun times to tell you about and omigawd all this math makes my brain throw up.  I guess I'll have to focus on the other rooms of my house that are still pretty shitty because if I'm not the bumbling underdog of home improvement and design I feel lost.  LOST I TELL YOU!!!

So here are two homes that I can still feel totally justified in wishing I living in.  First up is this place in NYC.  I think it's like two years old but it's new to me and that's all that counts!

I'm not really sure what else is in this room because I haven't been able to quit staring at the light fixture by Lindsey Adelman.

Update: Apparently Lindsey is a badass and tells you how to make your own light fixture here.  I recognize it from The Brick House now...  Seriously, where have I been?!  Thanks to Raina for the info!

Office?  Library?  Are they playing Risk: The Game of World Domination in there?  Probably all of the above.  That's what smart and rich people do.  I think you get smarter just by visiting there.  And more stylish.  Even that dog is cooler than me. 

via Interior Divine
I do rather love an ornamental fireplace surround...  But I'm not really sure all those pictures actually came from the same house but I like them and since I'm pretending I live there I'll just pretend they are.

On the other side of the world in Melbourne is another place I'd like to pretend I live.  Ok I think it might be the art...
Or possibly it's the charcoal couches.  But it's not those damn wandering stools, that's for sure.

Yep - I think it's the art.  Artists are so selfish with their charging thousands of dollars for all the hours and hours they spend on their work.  What about us poor people, you stingy creative types??!  I blog which is free to read because I CARE.   

Even their kids rooms have nice art.  They also have sunflowers which makes me have horrible flashbacks to Clinique circa1993 but I can overlook it.   

The messy bed is a nice touch.  I'd wake up to that every day.

via The Design Files
They're all like 0% shithole.  Maybe if I don't have real art I can just hang giant flattened cardboard boxes with some graffiti on them that I get drunk bored one night and create.  I also don't have stunning windows or architectural details or thousand dollar light fixtures but I DO have the board game Clue which is like Risk for poor and dumb (but fun) people.  That plus the kitchen means I'm 27% closer to being 100% shithole free.


  1. You know Adelman has the plans for a light fixture on her blog - gratis.

    Alcira of The Nero Chronicles reminded me of it this weekend, and I need to get LB on that stat!

    Does the neighbor who wants to sex you up have any electrical skillz?

  2. I didn't know that! Where was I with this whole apartment?

    I'm not sure if my horny neighbor has electrical skillz but if they're anything like his lady skillz I think I'll pass. I have friends that can do that anyway. I mean the electrical work not the uh... nevermind.

  3. Yup. Here's the link to the chandelier:

    She has DIY instructions for other fixture types, too. A generous soul that one.

  4. Super cool. I updated the post - thank you! I'll add it to my DIY 'things that I want to do but will mostly likely never get done but you never know how I'll feel tomorrow so it's good to have goals' list.

  5. Great post and you are so right on those "wandering stools." Not guest seating unless you want them to leave.

    As and artist and interior designer, I'll pretend to be offended at your artists charging too much comment.

    1. Look around - there are reasonable artists all around who don't charge thousands.

    2. Nothing is stopping you from grabbing a nice big canvas or three and just painting it one or two big bold colors. This is a designer trick I've used and seen in the best NYC show houses.

    You've got moxie, you can do it!

  6. Nice to know that you still have something to write about now that the "Kitchen of Awesomeness and Light" is complete (I trademarked that phrase so hands off, unless I read it on your blog first in which case, don't sue me).

    How about for your next blog entry, details of your many games of strip Clue? Just a thought.

  7. DecorGirl - We'll round up those wandering stools together! And I was being facetious about the art, of course. I have no problem buying art from 20x200, etsy, Society6, etc. but if you want a giant canvas like in these pictures you pay the big bucks. I have a blank canvas I bought years ago to paint myself but I kinda want GOOD art! Also, can I really stand to look at something *I* painted every day??!

    Thanks for commenting!

    David - I totally trademarked that phrase in 1987, sorry. I'm not sure how strip Clue works?? Professor Plumb, Mrs. Peacock in the conservatory with the... oh I get it.

    *runs to paint giant canvas for strip Clue parties*

  8. Art is just what you make. In grad school one of the women in my studio based her entire project on drawings/paintings that she made using her unclothed body as a brush (that was one intense final project review).

    I say this because if you're going to paint a giant canvass for "Strip Clue", you might as well make the imagery topical, and arty all at the same time, right? :)


  9. I reflexively *eyerolled* at your classmate until I remembered some of the dumb shit I did for my projects. Although they were all fully clothed and nowhere near as pretentious so I think she still wins. So which one of you guys married her?! ; )

    I just realized that the Clue movie (one of my all time favorites btw) is the perfect plot to porn spoof! Somebody get on this! I'm busy "painting"...

  10. Glad to be a new follower of your's awesome. Love your choices of pretend homes. I would agree that the art is fantastic in the second home.

  11. Hi Carol! Thanks for stopping by the Sauce and following - it's like Christmas today! Sigh... we're fellow art enviers. (if that's a word)

  12. Come to Nashville I is an artist that loves painting weird shit!! And its cheap, like crackhead prices cheap!! Fuck ill give you the painting!

    Not begging at all.

    COME!! We can egg Tim McGraws house!!!

  13. Tim McGraw needs to wipe that lifeless smile off his face before I egg the shit out of it... Watch your blind side Tim!

    We'll have a painting date and SWAP paintings! That'd be awesome. Nashvegas here I come baby!