Thursday, January 26, 2012

I'm tagging this "Pretty places I wouldn't put dumpster flowers in"

I don't know what it was - maybe my uterus was in retrograde or something - but Interiors and Design just weren't doing it for me this winter.  I was feeling all sad face about my overflowing reader and blogs went unread - UNREAD - for weeks on end.  

I just couldn't look at another picture of someone's living room without *eyerolling* and was infinitely bored of lamps and artfully stacked books.  Online mags?  Yawn.  I was afraid I'd developed some kind of epilepsy where every time I saw another room with an industrial pendant light I'd have a seizure and fall asleep.  It's like Elle Decor-induced epileptic narcolepsy.  I'm a doctor of medical sauce.  Dr. Sauce!  

But the tides have turned (Zing! Uterus joke!) and I'm feeling all romantical about looking at pretty pictures again!  So go ahead - throw in another Eames chair and salvaged light fixture on my dashboard.  I need a decoratin' fix!

photography by Naomi Finlay via Desire to Inspire
Hello dirty fireplace bricks, I really really like you.  I also like the deep blue and orangey red color combo - it's like they're talking to each other.  Dirty talk of course.  I don't even care that the person sitting in the Eames chair will feel like the loser friend of the group because of the awkward furniture arrangement but since I love interiors again I'm not even going to make some snarky comment about it.  


photography by Joseph De Leo via Desire to Inspire
Sweet merman balls of Titan!  I do love some winter white.  A tulip table will never give me epileptic narcolepsy - only orgasmisplosions of awesomeness in my soul.    But it's taking everything I've got to not talk about why there's a giant chrome alien dildo on the table...  I've already maxed out my sex toy jokes for this year so y'all will have to insert your own here.  (I can't stop.) 

Kelly Behun via Desire to Inspire
This is kinda grey for winter white but it sure is purdy.  But I think you could only eat white foods in here which is the opposite of what Oprah told me to eat.  Now I'm all confused!  Yet again my design lust has overpowered my need for normalizing blood sugar levels.  Sorry, pancreas.  It's better this way.

via Studio Annetta
I think I'm going to put some flowers in my bedroom this weekend because YAY!  If I buy flowers for the Ranch I always end up buying the shitty flowers that are half dead because I feel sorry for them because no one else buys them and it breaks my tender heart for flowers to get their feelings hurt so *I* save them from their imminent dumpster death!  But then have ugly dead flowers within 24 hours.  Maybe I should aim for some nice flowers because I like myself marginally better than wilting daisies and dried baby's breath.  Marginally.

If Earthfare could have that dresser next to the flowers that would be good too.  I'm still using my dresser from when I was a kid.  This is a horrible horrible fact.  It still has the tiny Barbie sticker I hid in the corner.  I wish the return of the '80s would hurry up so I could look cool rather than so gawddamned lame...

here but source?
*looks at brand new renovated kitchen*

*looks at this kitchen*

*looks at brand new renovated kitchen - images pretty flowers on the counter*

*looks at this kitchen*

*single tear rolls down cheek..*  

*dry humps computer screen*


via Small Shop Studio
The only thing this rooms needs is a giant alien sex toy on that table.  I would eat off of that floor.  I think I could EAT that floor. 

I feel so inspired now that my love for looking at other peoples' houses for hours on end with no hope of ever attaining living there has been rekindled.  Sigh...  Oh blogging.  Thanks for filling my head with nonsense and the promise of dreams that will never come true.  You're the bestest.


I can't wait to rearrange all my thrift store junk and hand-me-downs this weekend!  I'll top off my artfully arranged books on my 80s dresser with the 2nd ugliest bouquet of flowers I found at the store.  


Because that's how much I marginally care.

18 comments:

  1. Holy shit balls. Do you know how many times I've seen the photo of Tulip goodness and NEVER ONCE saw the alien dildo on the table? Shows you were my mind is. Or where it isn't.

    You know I heard this testosterone commercial on the radio the other day. Maybe I need some. Or maybe you need less. I'm confused.

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  2. I'm sorry - I was too busy spitting and chopping down trees with my beefy arms to hear what you were saying...

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  3. And I can't stop staring at the backless chair in the same photo and asking "why?"

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    1. I was thinking there were some strings forming the back...?? I can't tell in this small picture. See? Beautiful pictures but on closer inspection...

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    2. Maybe so it's easier for someone to stab you in the back? Wait... that still begs the question.

      And seriously... put down the ax. Put down the ax.

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    3. WHAT WILL THESE BEEFY ARMS DO THEN?!

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  4. Those cabinets were made from pallets. Quit crying! ;-)

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  5. The overlooked detail here is that we are still in Jan and you have used up your quota of sex dildo jokes. What the heck is supposed to happen for the next 11 months? Holy sauciness, did you think this through? No romantical feelings left to be trod upon. (Kymberly)

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    1. I'm sorry I should have thought of the readers! THE POOR READERS!! They're the real victims of my overused sex toy jokes... : (

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  6. I'm also using the dresser from when I was born; you're in good company. I wrote my name on it in aqua crayon.

    Also, I think that Yves Klein-y blue is the IT color, not tango nectarine. :D I just want to stare at it all day long. Like a night sky. Yes, staring at a night sky all day long. #mixedmetaphors

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    1. Awww.... I think I should do a post where everyone submits their hand-me-down furniture! I love it!

      I'm agreement with you - I love that Kleiny-y indigo blue and see it everywhere. If a color was meant to be touched then that's it. Or stared at all day night. Regardless, it begs you to DO something to it.

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  7. let's talk about that last dining room table- let's imagine that you take a wood dining room table and get a custom piece of glass cut. and then you paint the back of the glass black. or green or magenta, or awesomesauce color and the bask in the glory of diying an close approximation of that table. just a thought..

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    1. I think that thought is insanely awesome. I really like basking too so there's that. You're an DIY genius, darling!

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  8. I love that blue floor! I wonder if it's ceramic tile or concrete?

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    1. In the last photo? It looks like tile although to me but I can't really tell because of all the drool on my screen.

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  9. My life is complete now, because this post is beyond! In design school, we were taught to always think about what happens "beyond.". Since you've used up all your sex jokes and, let's face it, that dildo will be hard to top, I can't imagine what exists past this little piece of perfection. Kudos!

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    1. And here I just wanted to gab about some pretty rooms! Thanks. ; ) (But seriously, if I can't make a dildo joke I've got nothing else...)

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