Monday, January 23, 2012

Tangerine can Tango with my fist!

Pour yourself a Satsuma cocktail and dry hump a ginger because we are gonna talk about O-raaahhnnnnge!

I'm always super late to the game with these Pantone posts but I like to see what everyone else says first.  And then *eye-motherfuckin-roll* into the new year and then get busy gabbing!

But it's extra late this year because I'm supremely bored with Pantone lately and have been avoiding this post like Lady Mary avoids cousin peen. #DowntonAbbeyReference 

As I'm sure you've heard the color of the year for 2012 is Tangerine Tango. 

Yay. Limp streamers.  Mylar balloons.  Bad cake.  I hate it when a bad thing happens to a decent color.

I don't have a funny name for it because I don't even hate Pantone enough this year to give it 110%.  I'm basically indifferent now.  And Gandhi totally said the opposite of love isn't hate, but indifference.  Or was it MLK?  Ricki Lake?  Aw fuck it.  I love over-analyzing color but leave it up to Pantone to completely strip all the joy out of that for me with this Color of the Year bullshit.  Thanks a lot, assholes.

Back in October I made some "predictions" about what I thought Pantone's choice might be - I leaned more toward deep blue and mustardy neutrals but I did include a a bit of orangey rust because I'm a gypsy fortuneteller. 
I would dry hump this (maybe it already has been?). I love it. via Busy Being Fabulous. AGAIN.
Granted, I didn't actually predict this color but that's kinda close right?!  Right.  I should start giving psychic readings.  As long as it's about color and people are fine with 30% accuracy.  And I can spend a lot of time on Pinterest doing it...

I'd personally prefer a darker and redder orange but hey, I'm just a hillbilly (gypsy fortuneteller) so everyone should probably ignore me.

Fake Blood by Federica Erra

I'm also feeling some peaches and corals lately too...?  Must be because we're all gearing up for Spring as indicated by the 65 degree January days and bathing suits already out in stores that make me want to barf.  
Martha Stewart
Y'all, remind me to shave my legs by March.

But I'm down with Tangerine Tango as a color even though I usually try to avoid orange because in Tennessee it is more indicative of your college football preference than a design choice.  

Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott for Pop F/W 2002 via The Form of Beauty
I'm down with some Fifth Element hair.

But I can't just give Pantone a pass this year because that's no fun.  So grab your panties y'all - here comes my obligatory rant!  

Heeey... Tangerine Tango looks a lot like Tiger Lily....  here
Tangerine Tango follows a list of super jazzy shades of the past few years.  Shades that I'm only marginally okay with.  Nothing says living in 'The Great Recession' like cabana colors of yellow, tur-qwaz, pank and bright orange!!!!!!!

Per Pantone's press release this year:
The 2011 color of the year, PANTONE 18-2120 Honeysuckle, encouraged us to face everyday troubles with verve and vigor. Tangerine Tango, a spirited reddish orange, continues to provide the energy boost we need to recharge and move forward.
Oy.  You've been telling us to "recharge and move forward" with "verve and vigor" for the last four years and I don't think it's working.  My friends are still unemployed, I spent the afternoon at Goodwill and my Pantone-colored dildo collection STILL can't find financial backing!  Fuck your energy boost!  It's condescending and elitist.  (But if you're really looking for an energy boost might I suggest the vibrating cock ring in Color-of-the-Year 2008 Blue Iris?  Oh wait, you can't get that because this is a recession and I CAN'T GET MY BUSINESS OFF THE GROUND!!)

McQueen Spring 2012 via Vogue
If you're looking for the "radiant shadings of a sunset, Tangerine Tango marries the vivaciousness and adrenaline rush of red with the friendliness and warmth of yellow, to form a high-visibility, magnetic hue that emanates heat and energy.”  That you can buy as their Tangerine Tango journal to advertise you're a raging douchebag.  Or coffee mug.  It also makes a great addition to their holiday ornament collection.  Or folding chair.  Or probably KitchenAid mixer licensing deal orgasmisplosion.  Or double-ended monster butt plug where each end is shaped like the head of one of the Eames?  Eh? EH?!!?!!  *eyebrow wiggle*  Are you a Charles or a Ray?

via The Ray & The Ro

Pantone's rainbow paragraphs of optimism and sunshine don't really reflect how people are spending their money.  (Well, maybe the luxury market... I don't know, I've been at Goodwill.)  It reflects how Pantone feels optimistic about their own expanding brand because they want you to spend your money on them.  And stay in their hotel.   

According to my top secret sources at Heimtex this year, orange and copper were definitely there as accent colors.  However there were large quantities of dark blues and greys.  Well then...   And grey seems to be the color of the decade but that would make the most boring Fleshlight color ever. Grey doesn't fly of the shelves and onto your dick like Honeysuckit Pank does.*

If only there was some kind of gypsy fortuneteller - perhaps with a lovable hillbilly charm and a smile that would make New Gingrich divorce another wife - that could have foretold such a thing!!!!  CURSES!
Tangerine can also Tango with pank!  Honor Pre-Fall 2012 via Uncle Beefy
Granted, Heimtex is a home decor market and I tend to be focused on that one industry.  I guess that's where the Tangerine Tango Christmas ornament comes in.  I'm seeing a lot more "radiant shadings of a sunset" in fashion right now.  So it's no surprise to learn that Pantone is moving into the makeup business by teaming up with Sephora this Spring!  *gasp*  Yes, of course this year's color had to be super marketable and wearable because they want it all over your face.  (Full disclosure: If it smelled like Satsumas and had glitter I'd totally buy it.)
Alexander Straulino photography via Trendland

Seriously, this post is starting to look a lot like last year's post with all the pink and orange (hellooooo - Jil Sander did pink and orange waayy last year, ya'll).  But I actually do enjoy those colors together...  Not enough to make out with it but I would definitely flirt with it like a total slut.

Philipp Schaerer

Julia Kostreva via Design*Sponge
This is the kind of journal I would carry.  Not one with Pantone splattered all over the front.  That one smells of dark-rimmed glasses and cheap desperation.

Emily Lander

Even Mother Nature dances the Tango on occasion.
Scarlet-rumped Trogon via Featured Creature

NASA is so on trend:
Morganza Floodway
Granted, they invented Tang so I bet they are biased toward orange.

Confession: even though it usually does end up in college football territory, I have a weakness for blue and orange together.  I can't help it.

via ffffound
It's like American Beauty but in a complementary color combo that makes me happy.  Not cry like a little bitch at plastic bags blowing in the breeze.  

And I will admit that even though I'm not a huge fan of purple, I'm really enjoying the weird relationship it has with orange right now.   It probably started with the whole Hermezz box and lavender event of 2010 - remember?:
via The Selby
When is lavender going to be the color of the year?  Seriously, this shit is everwherr.

Stunning mineral photography from Warren Krupshaw via DesignCrush
Mother Nature approves of this Tango as well.

Tom Ford Nails
So does Tom Ford.

Lots more fun lavender and orange via Chapman Interiors
So obviously there are lots of good things about orange and I won't burden it with my seething indifference.  It's done nothing to me (accept look bad with my skin tone).  But I'm over the Pantone evil genius marketing monopoly on color.  Until they approve my licensing deal!!!  

And if 2013's color of the year is anything other than emerald green, grey, golden champagne, lavender or the color of my eyes in the morning, I will shove the Charles end of the double-ended butt plug so far up Pantone's ass they will burp molded plywood until 2014.

*Have I fulfilled my January non-resolution resolution??!  It's close enough, right?

MS Note: If you get these posts emailed to you, you may have receive a half-completed shitty post last night - sorry.  I accidentally hit publish and then had a mini panic attack and peed my pants.  Please disregard and pretend you never read it.  It's the nice thing to do.


  1. Cousin peen made my day! I used Tangerine in the bathroom of a chocolate brown bedroom suite, in 2004. It still looks like a million bucks. I dare Pantone to critize me for it. I was ahead of he curve!

    I think breast-fed baby poo will be the hot color next year. It seems to blend really well with the other colors in my house. Beyond that, I'm single-handedly spear heading a campaign against the white/orange color you spoke of. Nobody looks good in THAT color. Nobody. Especially when it's a plaid.

    Nice wrap up, Madame!

    1. It sounds like your bathroom was on trend for Tiger Lily AND way ahead of Tangerine Tango! Why doesn't Pantone hire us to pick its colors? Obviously we are totally on top of the breast-fed baby poo/orange explosion! Wait, that didn't sound right...

  2. I painted my room Tangerine Sunset in '03 and that shit was on and popping. When I moved Husband-cat had to paint that fucker four times. I was "out of town". My friends still talk about that paint job. Mostly "How could you live in such a bright room?" Wimps. It was like living in the sun if the sun was a happy fruit.

    Tangerine Tango looks like death on my screen. I blame Pantone. Or my computer. Somehow the purple orange fest at the end still look amazing.

    1. TT (as I'm calling it now) is super bright in person. As are all of the Pantone choices. Set down the crack pipe, Pantone! Christ!!

      High five for your bedroom of hotness. Your friends were obviously jealous of your happy fruit room. I think you need to get some new friends who aren't haters.

  3. I hate when Pantone (or anyone) gets all philosophical about the color choice, cuz I know it is some intern who is all "shit, my boss is making me come up with some shit for this color, what would my art school profs say...." I like the color though, a lot. Not as much as I like softer corals, I can't stop loving those. I think they choose this color on account of the lipstick craze.

    1. Exactly. I think this color was just a setup for their makeup launch. How convenient, Pantone!!

      I don't mind if they get all philosophical and shit if they actually did it well. But yeah - this sounds like intern copy writing. I can write some paragraphs about color that would be awesome! Or end up on the back of romance novels... Either one.