One should probably return from a blogging hiatus with something really deep and existential about the nature of table lamps as they relate to heteronormativity in the New Aesthetics but I don't want to talk about that.
Yet.
I want to talk about this:
Mark Hartman |
Not the cat. I'm lusting more after that perfect tomato red sleeve which makes total sense if you're me. I'm not into sleeve porn (that I know of...?) but I do have a serious color boner that reached a geyser-like orgasmisplosion with this:
Forgot where I pulled this and now can't find it... |
I'll die a tortuous Zero Dark Thirty death (too soon?) for talking about my boner and Mobama in the same sentence but y'all. Full stop. All dem beautiful bitches in red at the Golden Globes had nothing on this red. I confess to sitting on my couch while crying real, sriracha-flavored tears while the POTUS and FLOTUS danced because my life is meaningless of how pretty she looked.
And how insane I might be.
Insane like I want Michelle Obama to be my mom and I want to smell her face but in a really normal and healthy way.
But also, red.
It's my muse for 2013.
But also, red.
It's my muse for 2013.
Chic Wish |
I'd wear the hell out of this coat. And I know everyone's probably tired of drapey folds on clothes - the labial accent, I call it - but I'm not. In fact, I think in 2013 we're going to reclaim vaginas back from ignorant white men so let's say YES to more drapey butterfly wings this year.
Or whatever you're rockin' ladies - we don't judge.
Or whatever you're rockin' ladies - we don't judge.
Valentino Couture Spring 2013 |
Breaking news: vaginas and Furries are going to be in for 2013. Maybe furry vaginas?! Your call.
Let's all reread The Red Tent just in case.
Richard Avedon via Harper's Bazaar |
Can't find original source - probably an old pic but I still dig it... |
Christian Kettiger |
Cuz I'm elegant.
My preference is the austere intensity of black like my cold, barely-beating, basement of a heart. Or black's lazy stoner friend - blue.
Sapphire is my birthstone so it's astrologically determined what hues I'm supposed to wear and you can't argue with the scienze of space.
I'm a black and blue girl and not just because I bump into things a lot - I wear them all the time, I only buy art and decorative pillows in those shades and I only write in blue and black ink.
Except in the cases of making deals with the devil where you sign in blood, I think it might be illegal in the South to sign a check in red. At the very least, it's an act only reserved for those who eat sketti and have pet pigs and I ain't talkin' about Suzanne Sugarbaker.
Except in the cases of making deals with the devil where you sign in blood, I think it might be illegal in the South to sign a check in red. At the very least, it's an act only reserved for those who eat sketti and have pet pigs and I ain't talkin' about Suzanne Sugarbaker.
here |
Julia Randall |
I even wore my secret red lipstick with it because I was an animal.
drawing by Geninne on Flickr |
My red sweater was so magical another human being told me I was pretty in it so I immediately cried captured that moment, made it my Instagram avatar and now I show it to every person I meet in case I'm wearing blue and black just so they'll know and SEE and yes it is very awkward for everyone.
But I can't help it because just like Katniss Everdeen and Alicia Keys, I'm a girl on fire now. Just like my new mom - Mobama. Mombama.
Or this girl with her cute sneaks.
Or this girl in this cute dress standing in front of one of my least favorite couches of all time... You get no free pass in 2013!
This spiderweb is totally pickin' up what I'm puttin' down. Charlotte is on Team Firecrotch.
Wait, we need a new team name... Y'all work that out in the comments.
Wood Wood |
Style Bubble |
Nina Katchadourian |
Norman Mooney |
RED OBJECT office space in China by 3GATTI (2006) |
So this year I'm going to embrace one of my color nemeses and drink up all the passionfruit juice it brings or whatever other bullshit attributes you're supposed to associate with certain colors.
I should probably say something about red being full of "passion" or "lust" which is what Pantone would say but I've already mentioned vaginas too much in this post already.
So this year - thanks to the passionately wanton power of red, obviously - I'm going to give myself permission to be on a blog hiatus if I want, permission to come back and post creepy Bloodyface portraits that I can't stop staring at, permission to wear red vaginal drapey sweaters all over my person, permission to be on fire in said drapey sweaters or just be on fire in general and even permission to sign my name in red.
And permission to wear lots of red lipstick.
Jenny Saville |
via Fuck Yeah Hard Femme |
Maybe I gave myself permission to be existential after all.
"It's my blog, I'll do what I want" (in the Eric Cartman from SouthPark voice, of course) Glad you're back, but yeah, wear what you want, blog when you want, and talk about vaginas if you want!
ReplyDeleteAnd the Heart Associations "Go Red For Women" campaign just got more entertaining for me!
Sometimes I just need to kick myself in the ass as a reminder that I CAN do what I want!
DeleteHeart campaign... Heh. ; )
I also love Michelle O. And that cat. But the drapey things and bloody things not so much. And I'm sure you look fab in red. But no capes, please.
ReplyDeleteToo bad - I already bought one for each day of the week. They have the day of the week written on the back for convenience. Just like my underwear.
DeleteIf you really want to be 2013 trendy (except that it's not trendy to want to be trendy), then you need to update your color choice to "Organic, Vegan, gluten-free Tomato Red." Plain ole "Tomato Red" just won't cut the mustard anymore. KymberlyFunFit
ReplyDelete*laughing so hard*
DeletePaleo red.
New plan: combine the red porcupine hull-art with a little red riding hood cape and you are good to go!
ReplyDeleteCuuute! And pretty practical if things gets dangerous...
DeleteI was thinkin' of combining the porcupine wall art thingy as a hat with your labial cape. Add red lips and black pants and you are good to go!
ReplyDeleteaka deb
I like the way my readers think! We are gonna look so hawt in the parade!
Delete