Thursday, October 24, 2013

Last year I burned down a Hobby Lobby when they ran out of plastic pumpkins.

Being that I'm so swamped with the whining and ranting and lusting after art, my Fall decorating has tragically fallen by the wayside.  I haven't even bought a damned white pumpkin or mum for my porch yet.  I might as well put the Sauce-mobile on blocks and get a goat to take care of my yard.  I'm a waste of a human.

I think the only type of seasonal decorating I'm going to be able to manage this Fall is this:

I feel like the Ron Swanson of design bloggers.

If you don't know, this is from the McSweeney's essay "It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers" and you read it every year when the leaves change while drinking a pumpkin spice latte out of this overpriced motherfucking mug in honor of the glorious season, y'all. 

It's just like "The Night Before Christmas."  But with more cussing.  And a mask I make of pumpkin skin and human teeth.

Tradition.  It's important, fuckfaces. 


  1. Gosh, I really, really, really wish we could celebrate Halloween here, but lot of illiterate and traditional people consider it a "USA tradition" even if you explain it's origins, they stare at you like if you are trying to sell the country.
    I used to work in Buenos Aires for a USA phone company and the made Halloween competition between teams. I love it, specially since as a grown up you don't have to many chances to wear a costume (outdoors)

    1. Ha! That's awesome. But also, America DOES try to steal all traditions and make them ours in a really terrible way. But who doesn't want to dress up in crazy outfits and eat disgusting amounts of candy?!?! The rest of the world should really do more of this.