Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I hope I'm better at tablescaping than walking...

Ye olde ModSauce Ranch has been on decorating hiatus for a hot minute which means I bought a lot of lipstick and ate too many tapas this summer so I'm too broke for pillows.

But mostly I'm broke and on decorating hiatus because constant back pain and no ability to exercise make Madame MURDERsauce weak, poor and despondent and why won't anyone hug me oh it's probably because I still have one ugly swollen cankle from when I fell because of my back problems affecting my walking and I sleep on a naked mattress like a homeless person because I can barely muster the will to keep the bare minimum of a clean house, do the dishes or do laundry oh wait I don't even have a working washing machine so I'm sneaking over to a family member's house to steal their appliance time but I can't lift the basket of clothes out of my car because it hurts so I've been wearing the same dirty jeans for ten days and THAT'S probably the reason no one from OkCankle will message me back and now I want to cry in my dirty jeans which also have a crotch hole in them but I can't afford to buy new ones because I have to pay for chiropractor visits, a new washing machine and a new mattress which is probably the cause of all this pain in the first place.

But mostly the fun part about lipstick and tapas...

So one day when I could walk I went to the antique mall for the first time in months and bought a table.  FOR MY HOUSE SOUL.  

We were in desperate need of something happy around these parts.

My Instagrams on Tumblr.  Yes there are a lot of "lines" here but it wasn't on purpose.
It was less than $50 so I feel like that was worth it and took priority over saving for a mattress. I didn't style it; I could only get it inside the house because my back went out again.  I did have a long time to admire my purchase because I got stuck on the floor in front of it for quite awhile.

But life is good when you have new shiny furniture and it makes you forget your miserable existence for a brief moment and the fact that you do kind of resemble a French bulldog in body shape and skin tone.  

But I don't know how to style it so I raided I Pinterest for help.  

I had a lot of time on the floor.
Emily Henderson
Emily Henderson is of course the expert of making surfaces look pretty.

She always has a good mix of shiny and matte and height and I'll never put arrows in a vase.

We're looking for pointers only...
It's like the matching slim ankles are taunting me.

One time in the early days of blogging long before there was Tumblr porn I accidentally found a blog dedicated to cankle jack off material.  Not joking.  I should see if they take submissions...

I know these are Emily Henderson but I don't know the project/sources...
Ok all this EmHen work is beautiful but it's a little... happy... for my current state of misery.

Chris Nguyen via Analog Dialog
Dark and moody and much better.  Still has a mix of height levels and matte and shine and I definitely like a few plants up there.  I might need to eat it should I ever get stuck on the floor for extended amounts of time again.

via Design Traveller
Sometimes simple is best. 

I can't do simple because I junk up everything even with the best of intentions but I should practice restraint on some occasions.

Donna Griffith for Covet Garden via sfgirlbybay
Restraint in color counts.  I can do that.  I also have a lot of white things because I'm racist when it comes to home accessories.  And pets.

Rug magazine October 2012


Riikka Kantinkoski via Weekday Carnival
I actually have that black IKE-Rah vase on the far right so obviously my table will look as cute as this console.

Trying to not cry over that nicely made bed...   Note to self: put some shells on things and let's get this party started.  

Anna Gillar
Apparently I have to have binoculars of some kind on my table.  Sure beats hanging out in my neighbors' bushes which is so problematic with a bum back.

Jonathan Lo via Old Brand New Blog
Ok new plan just put pretty things in tray.  Pretty things and maybe some pain killers for easy access.

My preferred choice is always the Kelly Wearstler ode to the Fortress of Solitude like this loverly crystaline funscape.  

Fortress of Solitude is the ModSauce Ranch's nickname.  Also my OkCankle dating profile name.  

Things are starting to make sense now...

When I make the table look pretty and have any gripping (hopefully not crippling) cankle updates I'll make sure to alert you.

Update: I am feeling better - thank y'all for your concern.  The rant above helped and I'm sleeping in my guest bedroom now (on sheets!) which apparently has a better mattress?  Because I love my guests so much.  You should come visit me.  And help me fold my laundry and carry me to the toilet and things. 


  1. Apparently we have been suffering similarly the last few weeks...super cute table. Have fun styling it. We got a new table that stayed empty for approximately 22 minutes before being filled with random, unpretty crap.

    1. Ugh hope you feel better and have clean clothes. High five if it doesn't hurt to.

      Yes, this table is still empty - I'm trying to let it be nice as long as humanly possible.

  2. Gosh, I hope you feel better soon. This all sounds very grim. Get someone to make your bed and lift you onto it at least. I love these table scapes, and also - don't get a swelled head - I really enjoy following you on Pinterest. Feel better soon.

    1. Thanks so much! I'm sleeping in my guest room and changing my mattress really has helped my back. And honestly, ranting does wonders for your soul so I'm glad y'all are here for me to dump on! Aren't you lucky??!!

      Thanks for following me on Pinterest! I'll have to check and make sure I follow you too - I turned off my notices a long time ago so I tend to miss people!

  3. I knew it!, yesterday I was checking some blogs, and it called my attention that there was nothing from you. I fear the worst (a cheese overdose) so glad you are feeling better! I deal with back pain 2 months ago and it was hell on earth. I fix it by eating less (something related to the weight in my chest area and gravity) and some hypopressive abdominal exercises (recommended)

    1. Ahahahaha cheese overdose is probably not too far off some days. Switching mattresses is helping but I will definitely look into hypopressive ab things once I figure out what the hell those are... ; )

      Glad you are feeling better too! Nothing is as immobilizing as back pain. Grrr...

  4. That giant rant sentence was completely glorious....and possibly my future. Yesterday I was rinsing out the toddler potty (sexy, I know) and my back sent up a warning sign that it just might go out and leave me on the floor of my tiny bathroom waiting for my husband to tire of youtube physics videos and find me clutching a potty and wondering what went wrong in my life. I imagine I would have a long list by the time he bothered to question where I was, "hmmm, the baby is asleep, its been hours since I saw my wife, maybe I should investigate?" God, I just realized I could be abducted by aliens and if Hub has headphones on he'd never know I was gone.

    Whatever. The image of you prostrate before your new table is hilarious. Goddamn Emily Henderson and her artfulness.

    1. I HOPE that rant wasn't your future because it's fucking miserable. You'd be bent over with your face in that toddler potty for hours maybe DAYS. It makes you appreciate the little things when you can't move like pretty tablescapes and, like, walking and shit.

      I try to be too cool for EmHen but dammit if she doesn't lure me back in erry time!

      Be safe with your back - previous commenter mentioned hypopressive ab thingies and I also recommend dropping some serious bank on a new mattress. Does Obamacare cover this shit?

  5. Hope you're feeling better! Have you seen this blog before? http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/ There are some posts about cleaning and such while dealing with chronic pain, thought this might be of interest to you. Love your blog!!!

    1. Hey thanks for stopping by with your sweet words, Anon! I'd never been to that tumblr at it's amazing! I love shit like that! Cleaning before and afters is like porn to me.

      Thanks again and hope to see you around here again!