Babes with shields. (And a few hot shirtless dudes.)

Snowed in this winter?  Bored with your miserable life?  Seeing Rand Paul shushing a woman makes your face erupt into flames?  Well have I got the solution for you, friends!  It involves spending all your free time on the couch/heaven watching badass women do badass things.  

I seem to have hit a run of great shows involving women doing amazing things like The Fall, The Honourable Woman, Bletchley Circle and Happy Valley.  All BBC shows with great female leads while Viola Davis is over here holding up the entirety of America.

[MS sidebar: I'm not sure why every show about women has to feature the brutal imprisonment, torture and raping of women but it does so take heed and maybe spread these shows apart in viewing.]

And although this show doesn't technically have a woman lead, I've become obsessed with the History Channel's Vikings.  Like, I watched the entire series - two seasons - TWICE over the holidays and through January.  Back to back.  Like a psychopath.

I thought it would be a poor man's Game of Thrones with the production value of Sharknado and I was proved wrong.  It has an actual plot, is beautiful to watch, full of good music and ancient magic AND I done learned some things.  Thanks, History Channel! 

I'm not gonna lie, this helped:

And this:

As well as Alexander Skarsgard's less conventionally-attractive but exponentially more talented brother:

I personally think he's the more attractive one but I'm a weirdo.

But a whole helluva lot of love for the show is because of this woman:

This is Lagertha (read like LAGertha not laGERtha which is how this hillbillly would have said it).  She's based on a real woman and is married to Ragnar (the lead, also a historical figure) on the show.  Lagertha is special because she's a shieldmaiden and will destroy you in battle.  I just love the word 'shieldmaiden.'  

Shieldmaiden.

What's nice about the Vikings is that women could be warriors and hold positions of power and divorce their husbands and have some semblance of equality.  Well, as compared to other historical times.  Utopia this was not.  But you can feel pretty comfortable watching this show.

I mean, careful of the intense bloodlust and battle scenes.

And you don't need to have watched the show to appreciate this appreciation post.  Just enjoy the aesthetic details and communal celebration of women kicking ass and taking hard-to-pronounce names.  

And celebrate monumental braidwerk.

Braids on fleek, said the old white lady.

I mean shit gawddamn.  Take a moment to marvel at the neckline here.  I wish Target would have a line of Lagertha-inspired clothing.  If Olivia Pope can make it to the masses then I think we need a Viking line.

Gladiator, indeed.  

Can ANYONE rock a dead animal and a murderous glare quite as effectively?  I think not.  

And this bad bitch knows it.

But she has a soft side and an appreciation for white kittehs so I feel maybe we are kindred spirits.

Just a warrior angel, chillin' in some Norse finery and a braided fauxhawk.  

Fun fact: the actress that plays Lagertha, Katheryn Winnick, is a third degree Black Belt in Tae Kwan Do, a second degree Black Belt in Karate as well as being a licensed bodyguard.  

I groaned when I picked up the laundry basket earlier...

That is an accomplishment in itself - the extensive martial arts training not my feat of strength - but my pet peeve is watching a woman in an action role with absolutely nothing but a pretty face and an uncomfortable lack of coordination and body awareness.

This is not one of those actors.

I also appreciate the fact that she wears real armor and battle gear and not the metal corset courtesy of Victoria's War Secret that many female fighters end up wearing.  Don't forget to look super sexy while you're decapitating someone, ladies!  

Legend (Wikipedia) says that the real Lagertha fought just like a man with only her hair giving away her gender.

I kinda wish there was a Brienne of Tarth and Lagertha crossover moment.  They would make a vicious blonde duo.

I hate the concept of 'penis envy' but that sword is definitely a dick in this gif.

Back-up bitches.

And lest I linger to long on my lesbian crush this talented ladyperson, there are plenty of other fine ladies on the show too for your enjoyment too.  But shieldmaiden, y'all.

I'm gushing about all this right now because the third season starts SOON on February 19th and that gives you plenty of time to binge watch the first two seasons!  You have over TWO WEEKS! 

Season three doesn't seem to disappoint because we have more braids and dope weaving:

Can I say dope?  I can't think of another word that expresses my appreciation and awe.

There's just a lot more costuming wonderment in general.  I think this is a combination of a crushed velvet and leather lattice cape, vest made of the skins of weak Englishmen and some statement jewelry.  What's not to love?!

The History Channel appears to have its own tumblr (??) dedicated to Vikings and they posted this A++ video (sorry, can't embed) to recap the show.  The whole video message is "HOT SHIRTLESS DUDES.  BABES WITH SHIELDS."  How could you not respect that?

So even though I've fallen down the rabbit hole of historical tv (HAHA JK I live there already) lately with my Outlander appreciation, I still think y'all would really dig this show.  You can watch it on Amazon, Hulu or just History.com where you can watch them all for free (no cable subscription required). [Update: it's apparently only the second season on History.com - sorry!]

And if you think I might be a fan, please take note of this:

From Katheryn Winnick's Instagram

Well at least it trumps a Tweety Bird tattoo.

All pictures gathered from my internet adventures on History's website and blog and tumblrs like vikings-shieldmaidens.  Sorry, I didn't really plan for this post to happen so... 

Peacock Pavilions: Looking Fine and Doing Good In Marrakesh.

If you're feeling extra sweet this week - gave away the last piece of pizza, made awkward small talk with a nice stranger - it's because of the stars.  Today the moon moves into Aquarius for the next two months and this is supposed to be a time for humanitarian acts, so says New Age people.  The cosmos WANTS you to put a few extra bucks into the Starbucks tip jar.  Even when they aren't looking, George Costanza.

In conjunction (astrology humor!) with this cosmological occurrence, this seems like a good time to introduce you to the story of the most stylish humanitarian on this side of the galaxy: Peacock Pavilions and its owner/designer/mom Maryam Montague. 

You've probably put your eyeballs on said pavilion many a time and didn't even know it.  You've probably pinned it - I did - I didn't even know it.  Well, I'm about to learn you real good.

Maryam, caftan enthusiast/nice person/blog friend, and her architect husband, Chris Redecke, decided to settle their family on an olive grove in Marrakesh and build an eco-conscious boutique hotel and resort.  As you do.  

So together they designed and decorated Peacock Pavilions, a box waiting to be checked on every design blogger's bucket list for obvious reasons.

This is her office where she overlooks the olive grove.

My office has a drawer full of nothing but hand lotion and Claritin...

This place could give us lessons in curtains.

But it ain't all Elle Decor spreads and Lonny covers, Maryam travels Africa and the world fighting for human rights and democracy.  She has a standing date with Amal Clooney to talk about running nations and fashion.  I made up the last sentence but I bet it's true.

I let a jerk merge in front of me in traffic the other day so I GET what it's like to devote your life to helping the less fortunate.  I live my life with compassion.

I think I need to live my life in Morocco too.

And in case you were distracted by all the good deeds, don't forget the staircase:

But since I'm a one trick pony with exceptional taste, I can't help but be drawn to her bedroom which is full of winter whites (do they have winter in Morocco?).  I guess if you aren't feeling the bleak midwintery vibe of the last post here's something in warmer weather for you.

BRASS DOOR FRAME.

It also has some custom wall stencils which might be the only wall stencils I didn't know I even wanted until I saw it.  

I custom made a headboard recently out of a Goodwill reject, scrap fabric and staples so I too like to surround myself with luxury.

I think this proves the point that if you're gonna go monochromatic you have to have a lot of texture.  Preferably if it's a pillow with a mohawk but you do you.

Sequins are approved, as well.

A window seat also helps.  Pretty sure you can only drink creamy drinks in here: lattes, Frappuccinos, White Russians.  If you drank a red Gatorade (or the Moroccan equivalent) in here it would probably give you heartbearn. [MS sidebar: I misspelled heartburn and couldn't figure out why it was wrong for about three minutes but like it better this way so we all have to switch.]

I'm loving this grouping of lanterns.  I have one "Moroccan" lantern in this delightful egg (?) shape but now it just feels lonely.  I think I need a baker's dozen.  I'll have to get rid of my dining table but I think eating while laying on the floor is very 2015.  

If you want to bring a bit of real Morocco to your house and not have it look like the culturally-appropriated tchotchke hurricane as you might see on tv, check out her shop for all the best in properly-sourced goodies.

If you're going to gift yourself a Moroccan wedding blanket, a handira, this is the place to go.  Pillows and poufs galore too.  

here

Love the little bits of pattern with the pillows.  (This is similar to my pillow!).  I think what I like about this whole space so much is the mix of clean neutrals as a backdrop for lots of bright pattern.  You get the best of both worlds.

However, I'm rather obsessed with the BLACK wedding blankets lately:

here

I think (?) Maryam is the inventor of the black wedding blanket and if that was the only thing she did in life that would be enough.  But also human rights 'n stuff.

Mr. Beni Ourain is still solid in my book despite the controversy lately over its apparent trendiness.  I don't think you can really call something trendy that has existed centuries before we were even born, can you?

Of course next week I'll be like "Ugh BOOKS. I'm so over this Gutenberg press hipster bullshit."

here

I'd never seen one that with this color of gold before - such a nice variation.  Could work in bleak midwinter or if you're feeling more jazzy.

here

So much jazz.

The shop also features tons of cute wall hooks designed by Maryam herself.

here

It's like a cross between a hamsa and a peacock!  Because PEACOCK!  You're too much, M.  I'm not being an ass, I'm just excited because I didn't see the peacock until about one minute before writing this and I love a secret pun in silver.

Maryam, bored with her life doing nothing, has also founded Project Soar - an organization for underprivileged girls and women near Peacock Pavilions.  A portion of all proceeds from the shop benefit the program so buy as many protective peacock hands as you want (+1 for me).  

Fun fact: if you stay at the pavilion you get to ride on a peacock in a great race throughout the vast olive grove.  Just kidding, if you stay you can volunteer for Project Soar which is pretty cool.  I'm on board for dedicating my 2015 and beyond to women, yes?

My grandmother has a stray peacock that has started coming to her door to visit everyday this winter.  She lives in Texas if that helps explain it...?  Regardless, she named him Fred so if I want to race a peacock I'll try the family bird.

Familial bird-racing aside, I'm writing this overt love letter to the PP and MM because I truly believe we're seeing the real thing.  In the often shady world of internet life it's really refreshing and inspirational to find a person and cause that is not just talking the talk but walking the walk and doing it with boss style.

Make sure to check out Maryam's blog, My Marrakesh, and follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest.  Or you can do more than read this here blog post and buy her book, Marrakesh by Design, or even donate directly to Project Soar.

If nothing else I recommend you follow her on Instagram for lots of pictures of the party life at Peacock Pavilions but mostly for this:

And this:

And this:

All photos are from Elle Decor, Lonny or Maryam's site/Instagram/book

More like Kitteh Pavilions, amirite?

How do cats meow in Arabic?  Like, they 'meow' in good old American, 'miao' in Italian, 'mrow' in comics...  These are things I think about when I travel.

I have yet to see a picture of a peacock AT Peacock Pavilons but maybe they have to keep them separate from the cats... Probably smart.  I don't think Fred and Charlemagne would be friends.

I received no compensation for this post but I'd take a Moroccan cat if they were handing them out...

Wanna Vanta? It's blacker than hell and stronger than death...

This is your year, Wednesday, because SCIENZE did a thing.

Thanks to a Smarty McCalculuspants in jolly old England a new super black has been invented.  It's blacker than black.  It's called Vantablack and it does not fuck around.  

Vantablack is the darkest material ever produced absorbing all light except for .035%.  Charcoal absorbs all but 4% and my heart absorbs all but 2.3% if that gives you an idea of what we're dealing with here.  Basically, Vantablack is a stealer of light.  Probably souls too.  It's a Dementor.

here

It is also grown on tinfoil.  Dawww... that's kinda cute.  Would really add something exciting to my indoor container plants and seems like a natural fit with my BLACK THUMB.  

Puns.

Actually, I'm pretty sure this is how the robot Dementor army is born...

Vanta is actually an acronym for Vertically Aligned NanoTube Array which is what happens when carbon nanotubes are 'grown' on foil using Satan's magic.  I interpreted this as a jizzillion tiny black holes woven into a fabric that you can buy off the bolt at Hancock's Fabrics soon right?  

This is gonna take my ninja game to a whole new level, y'all!

I'm a little obsessed because it's basically a fabric so dark it limits your perception to two dimensions.  Name a chintz that has that kind of power, I DARE YOU!

Okay maybe a toile but that's really a technicality...

And what better way to celebrate a scientific breakthrough than with contemporary art?  Art's resident void-lover Anish Kapoor has expressed an interest to work with this new fancy material.  I think this seems like a natural fit considering:

Oracle

here

Untitled A

here

Void, 1989

Descent into Limbo B, 1992

Hole much?  

If you're like me then the first you thought of (besides a beautiful Nightmare of Infinite Wednesday Addams Ninjas) is that Vantablack would be perfect for Acme Portable Holes made famous by criminal masterminds like Roger Rabbit and Wile E. Coyote.

here

And that's exactly what artist Tom Estes created in 2012 when he made his 'Portable Black Hole' using the darkest carbon nanotube material ever created at THAT time.

Honestly, I thought those tourists were a different art installation they are so perfect.

It absorbed .045% of all light. 

That poor scientist is like the guy on Price is Right whose bid becomes worthless after the asshole next to him bids $1 more.

No Showcase Showdown for you, sir.

I've heard nothing about what Kapoor is going to do but one million dollars says it's a hole and people will call it spiritual and a brilliant commentary on the future or it's "intended as a reminder of the multiple, idiosyncratic pockets of forgotten histories; of absence and the unseen and unrepresented; multiple conflicting realities that exist side by side with official or recorded 'histories.'"  Oh wait that's what someone said about Tom Estes' hole.

They shoulda just left it at a fun hybrid of science and toons because I feel like that might be more accurate in this case.

Interestingly enough, another artist is working with the 'blacker than black' concept. Frederick de Wilde is working with NASA on some different carbon nanotube technology.  No word on his percentages yet...

"Klein's first artwork was drawing in the blue sky, my dream is to draw in deep space."

Now this art scientist describes his work as being heavily influenced by the work of Kazimir Malevich (no idea) and his invention of Suprematism - the "supremacy of pure artistic feeling" - as well as Russian mystic-mathematician-philosophers (is there any other kind of mystic-mathematician-philosophers?), the idea of "going beyond zero," Stanley Kubrick, Yves Klein's blue, Anish Kappor (hey hey!) and a lot of other really smart talk on contemporary (nano) art.  There's no mention of a robot Dementor army in embryo form but the whole article is worth a read.

He says he views his "nano engineered macroscopic art pieces as spaces of refusal, but also as spaces of imagination."  Despite the next sentence being something about us living in a media-saturated environment (ugh. gag me with a spoon, I hear that shit every day) I'm feeling some things about this way more than that "pockets of forgotten histories" jackoff noise.

Spaces of refusal... I mean, gotdamn!

I don't know maybe sometimes black holes can change the perception of space and time or maybe sometimes they are cartoons or sometimes they are just delicious cups of strong coffee and all equally important depending on what time of day it is and how much of the latter I've had to drink.

Or maybe it's all the same and I'm an uncultured swine but irregardless let's get ready for a Large Hadron Collider wallpaper collection coming soon!

Fun factoid: when I visited Germany last January for a design conference several speakers talked about the emergence of 'darkness' as an upcoming trend.  (Think big global movement not 'barf, chevrons.')  More than just the color black they described it as an engineered 'tension' which sounds delightfully ominous and maybe why I'm so obsessed by this material.  

Also, the NYT reported that Donald Kaufman announced black as the color of the month for November (oh we're doing colors of the month now?) so maybe it's starting...!  

I find trend forecasting to be incredibly fascinating so this might be absolute bullshit to you and that's okay.   But next time you see a neo-goth-warrior-princess-from-the-future editorial in Korean Vogue or have a good cup of black coffee maybe it'll make you pause...

...and think about watching Roger Rabbit because that shit was good please RIP Bob Hoskins.