The bachelor party is brought to you by Grindr.

I'm bored talking about my bedroom again so let's take a detour and talk important things LIKE SHOPPING!  Specifically shopping for the homosensuals.

I don't know about y'all but I'm seeing a happy explosion of gay wedding ceremonies this past year.  This is good for all kinds of reasons not the least of which is that I get to wear my fanciest eyelashes and prettiest dresses.  

For once a decade.

But it ain't all signature cocktails and crinolines! [MS sidebar: it totally is.]  We have come into a new age of etiquette and Emily Post ain't got shit for me so I'm having to blaze a trail myself.  Whose name goes first when I address the card?  How many bridal showers do I have to throw if there is 0-2 brides?  How many "blush and bashful" jokes are appropriate before someone is allowed to choke them with tulle?

And finding gifts has proved a bit more challenging than your typical wedding.  Mostly I buy off the registry because I do what I'm told and am lazy and we all know the important thing is how well your gift is wrapped so it can stand out on the gift table and shame everyone else's.  But sometimes I like to throw caution to the wind and go rogue.  I'm not one for formal or traditional gifts but in cases where I think they'd really enjoy it, I like to monogram gifts so much you'd think they forgot how to spell their own gawddamn name.  

It's personal for any couple but I think we all understand how seeing a same sex couple's initials and/or names together is a powerful thing.  However, most traditional monogramming hasn't caught up to our modern ways.  Behold, Pottery Barn:

For a same sex couple - or hell, any couple that chooses to keep separate last names or hyphenate or whatever the fuck they feel like doing after rejecting patriarchal standards - most of the monogramming relies on one initial for the shared last name which doesn't really work in this case.  I guess you could get half of the gifts in one person's letter and half in the other but that sounds like you're already setting them up for divorce.  And while I've certainly been tempted a few times, I guess it's best to let those delusional fuckers figure it out for themselves  

I think this is the first time I've seen two letter combinations like on the last row of the Pottery Barn options.  I'm almost positive that hasn't always been available and most places don't have that as an option.  Even shops that specialize in engraving were giving me problems about monogramming items not bought at their store and weren't all that keen on letting me customize outside of their 3-letter setup.  Based on the vast amount of monogrammed bible bookmarks by the counter and their condescending attitude when I mentioned my quandary of two last names, I'm guessing they wouldn't have been to helpful if I told them the first names were both male.  I'm sure they immediately added me and my hypothetical hairy-legged, Satan-loving, feminist friend who didn't want to take her husband's name to their prayer list as soon as I left.

So if you're like me and jonesing for that special monogrammed gift let me alert you to Etsy.  Specifically, TaylorCrafts Engraving.

While they only engrave cutting boards and humidors, all of their engraving is custom so you can pick exactly what you want.  If you find mint julep mugs where that's an option please alert me.  I imagine this summer will be quite busy and I need to be prepared.

This is the 12x15 in white oak.

Pardon my photos under lamplight because they really don't do the cutting board justice.  It was beautifully engraved and really affordable at about $45.  Considering I saw a Lulu & Georgia option (also featuring a same sex couple - nice work, y'all) for upwards of $75 I think this was a good investment.

I didn't get anything from TaylorCrafts. Just thought they were cool.

And if you're wondering, it's seven.  You are allowed to make seven "blush and bashful" jokes before someone strangles you with tulle.

You are allowed to have absolutely zero armadillo cakes.