Heart of Darkness seems like a fitting theme for my bedroom.

Right about now your New Year's resolutions are looking like a stinking pile of failure on your floor but not me!  I'm coasting on a high of energy and the thoughts of fresh digs.  Thanks, Vitamin D and low expectations!  

After this past year of, well, doing nothing, I finally opened my eyes and I do not like what I see.  It's time for a change.  I'm cleaning out closets, purging things to Goodwill, moving furniture but mostly making a mess by starting a million projects at once and not finishing anything yet.  However, my main order of business is my bedroom and have been thinking about color first and foremost.  

*cue collective groan*

I am - admittedly - TERRIBLE at choosing paint color for myself.  Friends, long-time readers and the unfortunate staff at every Ace Hardware in the tri-state area can attest to this.  I usually spend more money on swatches than actual paint and it will take months of agony and waffling before I make up my mind and then I usually am only partially happy with it. 

I'll pick your paint color in five seconds.  My walls paralyze and confound me.  But I'm going bold with my decision making speed AND color choice this time.

I've moving to the jungle! 

via Heptagram

Just kidding.  Kinda.

I can't get enough of this deep, lush green color, ya feel me?

Oliver Osborne

It's similar to Hunter Green but less preppy, more sinister.  If there was a shade of green that could get its own episode of Criminal Minds, THAT'S the color I'm obsessing over right now.  

via Cargo Collective

Carnivorous green.  

I've totally lost the source... working on it...

The plants might swallow you up kind of green.  

But on my bedroom wall so I can go to sleep next to it!  I feel like this may give me good, intense - possibly murderous - dreams all set on the island of Dr. Moreau. 

Plant Leaves in Blue by Eye Poetry Photography on Etsy.  Want so bad.

I've been referring to this look (because you might notice it elsewhere and need a handy name) as 'Heart of Darkness' because I keep remembering this dense, looming jungle in the book that makes me think of these colors.  But then I did a quick google search (blogger/journalist that I am) and realized that it's not the Amazonian jungle that I thought it was but instead the African wilderness and even though I'm 99% sure I wrote a paper on this book in high school I have a sneaking suspicion that I in no way actually read this book.

Hermes Summer 2014

In fact, 'Heart of Darkness' the trend (TM) and the imaginary jungle I just created to fit my color story may be a kind of metaphor for something terribly racist but I can't remember because I couldn't be bothered to read the actual book when I was 15...??  Maybe it's like saying you want your living room to have a Manifest Destiny theme OMG I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON AND HORRIBLE DECORATOR.  

Let's move out of the racist jungle that I made for myself and into the mountains. 

David Zhao

I don't actually want a tropical theme just the color, right?  Right.  

Yoshihiko Ueda

Maybe I could lean a bit more jewel tones but still lush and velvety and slightly creepy and a little magical.

This is sounding a lot like Forks, Washington...  

Say it.  Out loud.

OK YES I REFERENCED TWILIGHT EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME.

Nino Oxilia's "Satan's Rhapsody," 1920, from Kittenmeats

Whatever, this lady knows what I'm talking about.  

Jamie Isaia for Tank Magazine

And this Ophelia-looking lady too.

Vertical Line, Kameoka, Japan by U3K-Y on Flickr

Apparently I will not be satisfied if my bedroom doesn't have a hint of death or vamp moss or jungle floor decay in it.  Of course, no one will even care because they'll just walk in a be like, 'yeah, ok' and then walk out very quickly and my back story won't even matter.  All this carrying on is just a peek inside my head.  FOR YOU.

A mystery...

But I've got plenty of time for back story and mood boards because I've also decided that February is a 'No Spend' month for me.  This means I can only spend money on absolute essentials like gas and cheese.  I gave paint a pass though.  I'm not an unreasonable monster!  Great time to start some redecorating projects, huh?  I'm great with timing.

Bloom In Winter by Susannah B on Flickr

Something about this push for redecorating and organizing and purging also makes me want to take a financial pause.  I need to take stock and clean out before I can commit my bank account to something.

via My Blue and White Kitchen

I want to give my entire retirement savings for the image above so obviously I need to lock up my monies from time to time.

here

See what I did there with the gates and the locking?  Yeah, I'm real subtle.

here

Somewhere here I think...

This is only about half of the images I had pulled that I liked, by the way.  I had about a hundred fifty-leven more but I thought y'all might be bored with a collage of menacing, dewy jungle leaves.  *I* wouldn't be bored but I just don't how far down the rabbit hole y'all are ready to go sometimes.

"Dance, Dance, Otherwise We Are Lost" by Will Davidson for Harper's Bazaar Australia via here

So instead I throw in some ghost green.  

Font Luna by Sylvan on Flickr

*cough* andsomemoreleaves...

Fading Falling, 2007, Ryan McGinley

here

Ok can't get away from the jungle quite yet...

But let's get real.  I can't actually redo a room out of $200 and magical Twilight jungle madness rambling.  I'll have to make it out of $200 and an actual paint color where $150 of that going towards paint swatches.  So rather than more feeeeling pictures, I found some actual walls.  Gawd, I'm tearing through this redo already.  Yay me.

This confirms my green wall lust:  

Susanna Vento via DesignLoveFest

Dark green, non-racist Heart of Darkness wall but maybe some lighter things to brighten up the whole... murdery, carnivorous vibe.  I'm surprised I actually like the copper here.

I also found that Little Green Notebook did a very similar color to the part of the fandeck I'm looking at.

Little Green Notebook

This is Benjamin Moore's Bavarian Forest and it looks dreamy.  Anyone remember the final results?  I can't find it.  The swatch in person is a little more blue than what I wanted but we'll definitely end up somewhere in this area.  Or maybe this color... who knows where sample #948982938743927 will end up??

Although that coral is bangin, it would drive me insane to have that bright of a color near my head.  I can deal with all the colors on the infinite rainbow of sadness, but not the rainbow of cheer.  Ew.

Abigail Ahern's London home in Rue Magazine

Maybe I'll end up with some, gulp, purple accents for even more of that magical Twilight sparkle moss feel.

Begonia leaves by Moonfruitmjuse

If I can't do purple, how bout a touch of velvety burgundy instead?  

Martha Stewart

Or maybe just I'll just keep it simple with a wall of not-quite-Bavarian Forest and some eggy neutrals.  It'll sure help to keep the darkness away.  IF I should want to do that.

Also, what the fuck kind of animal lays a hunter green egg?  A Matt Fox and Shari Hiller animal? 

But look, y'all!  IT HAS BEGUN:

I ain't fuckin' around.

This is BM's Essex Green which was the first sample.  I'll try to keep it under three for everyone's sanity.  I love the direction but it's a little too loafers, pearl necklace and Ralph Lauren plaid circa 1992.  Which is probably coming back in style right about now but it's not where my bedroom needs to be.  Remember, I want jungle shadows of encroaching evil but also light n' airy bedroom funtimes!

By the way, that's a dropcloth sheet NOT my bedroom sheets.  I may be color crazy but I have some dignity.