Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Oversized headboards: Looming As I Wanna Be

Because I'm a completely rational and sane person, I started to feel bad about hating on oversized headboards earlier.  I mean, they're just there living their very tall bedroom lives and then some loud blonde lady has to get up in their long faces and shame them.  They can't help it, they were born this way.
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So let's celebrate the misshapen existence of these grotesque excuses for bedroom furniture because we all deserve to live in dignity.

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And frankly, headboards see a lot of terrible, unnatural, straight-from-the-bowels-of-kinky-hell kind of shit that no one else sees so I think they should get a pass and look as looming as they want.

That's their next album, "Looming As I Wanna Be."

Or "Sorry You Cry Yourself To Sleep Every Night, Madame."

Or "Top Heavy 4 Eva."

Or "If You Put That In Your Butt, You WILL Have To Go To the ER."

Look for them on iTunes in the Fall.

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These fuckers are large and in charge and know all your filthiest secrets so we better respect them.

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You know, maybe I've been too harsh.  I mean, this handsome fellow just needed the proper styling with his BFF Mr. Tall Mirror and combined with that sexy lamp they have a nice threeway of interesting and flattering proportion going on there.

See?  I'm not such a monster after all.

Also, I'm backpedaling because I kinda wish my headboard was 54" tall rather than 56."  Oh well, that's what I get for scientific guesstimation.

I'm not too worried.  I'm getting a new mattress in the next year so it'll fluff it up nicely.

I'll try to post some progress pictures next week.  Several people were like "Thanks but no thanks I don't care about your free-floating headboard."  However, if I post the headboard in place that's like 97% of the bedroom so, you know, I'm trying to do this tease thing.  But then I realize I'm terrible at flirting so fuck it.

Bedroom in yo FACE soon.

6 comments:

  1. 'Kay, so I'm gonna steal "Top Heavy 4 Eva" and use it as my personal tag line. Just so you know.

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    1. Put it on your dating profile, girl! Lean back on the oversized headboard and represent!

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  2. Seriously, these posts keep us sane... How insane is that?!?! The large and in charge etc., etc." line had me rolling off my floor mattress ... (just kidding, I'm a grown up now, I have a bed. I have an old oil painting where real grownups who don't have to refer to themselves as such would have a headboard)...

    Thank You!

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    1. Um it sounds like you bed area looks awesome with an OIL PAINTING how adult and fancy is that?! I could do a whole post of those things too!

      And thank YOU, these comments keep ME sane and blogging when I don't think anyone is listening. ; )

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  3. Yeah, noooooooooooooo! Damn looming headboards. Too much. They just be talking shit, like, "Good morning tiny human, I did not fall and crush you in the night. Thank me."

    I always want to make them into mood/inspiration/life goal boards. Not that I would, due to fears of tacks falling on my face while I sleep. It just feels like empty space I should be using. (Mental note: make a "life goals" board so I feel like I have plans other than binge watching shows on Netflix.)

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    1. Hahaha everything about your comment is spot on. BUT I think the lesson here is that you can make a very nice upholstered inspiration board for pennies on the dollar. Just not above your head while you sleep so tacks and spiders will fall into your mouth... Also, what would an inspiration board above your head do to your dreams??

      Heh, tiny human... ; )

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