Thursday, January 15, 2015

Bleak is beautiful

Despite the fact that people think this blog is snarky (Is it?  I was going for delightful self-loathing.), I generally try to find the good in all things.  I'm a regular Lil Miss Sunshine Butt.  I burned the rice?  Mmmhh smokey grains!  Lost my keys?  A good reminder to slow down.  Hangnail so ornery it goes to my elbow?  The blood lets me know I'm alive!

And although I've been blessed with an abundant posterior, even this Sunshine Butt isn't big enough for this month.  I'm kicking ass with my "New Year's Resolutions" but I think we can all agree that this month is cold, wet, dark and generally fucking miserable.

January is an asshole.

Paris, Quentin de Briey pin
There ain't a damn holiday within sight and every time I see a piece of glitter leftover from Christmas I clutch it to my chest and remember the good times.  

I eat a lot of plain Irish oatmeal.

I forgot what the sun looks like.  You'd think my big Sunshine Butt would hold large reserves of Vitamin D but you'd be wrong.  I'm so listless I just perambulate around like a drunk slug.  Do slugs perambulate around?  I think they do in January.

Sigh... It's bleak out there y'all.  But I'm trying to see that bleak is beautiful.  

San Bernadino Ossuary, Milan by Adam Silver
Yes, those are skulls.

So I've collected all of the greyest, coldest, harshest things that have been elevated to beautiful so we can get through this month of misery.  We'll make dirty snow an art form, yet.

Rachel Dein
Then we can all say we're miserable for the sake of art.  

Or the sake of an online mood board.  

I feel even bleaker now.

Stromkajen Ferry Terminals in Stockholm via Dwell
I am OBSESSED with this space and picture.  It's bleakness gives me strength.

Andy Torres here
I can do all things through bleak who strengthens me.  That and full skirts.

I'm finding myself celebrating the bleakitude of some fine traditional details and architecture this month.

La Coulee Verte, Paris here
The few times I've been fortunate enough to go to Europe has been in January which is the worst month to go anywhere other than the Equator.  But I'm IN EUROPE which was pretty fucking amazing for a hillbilly.  So I think now I associate January with frigid self-guided architectural walking tours where I don't speak the language and get lost a lot but have wonderful experiences anyway.

Remember last year I went to Germany and it was bleak and frigid and I still did amazing things there, right?!

From my trip last year. I think this is an art museum. I didn't actually reread my post...
See, it ain't all bad!  Just pretend you're in Europe and not instead building up the courage to get outside and start your car in the mornings.

It's best to blend in to your surroundings.  European camouflage.  I'm pretty sure I practically scream "HI I'M AMERICAN AND LIKE PIZZA ROLLS" wherever I go because I'm the whitiest, roundiest and blondiest Applebee's-looking waitress that continent has ever seen.

I mean, I try to wear cool sneakers but I think it's just in my pheromones.  I smell like cheap gas and a glaring lack culture.

La Chateau de La Celle via Art of the Room
Maybe if I TRY to be more bleak I'll blend in better. 

I'll aim for sad Applebee's waitress next time I travel.  Aren't they all?

My apologies, that was a cheap shot at hard-working people in the food service industry and I haven't been to an Applebee's in many years.  

But I've been to more Applebee's restaurants than castles so...
Eltz Castle in Germany here
A bleak castle could DEFINITELY make my January better.  Next year?

I love this litttle shadowbox (?) so much I can't see straight.

Honestly, this goth castle is probably good in July too.  It's my personal princess castle.


Cologne Cathedral in Germany by Guy Sargent here

Ok frankly all of these places I'd like to winter, spring, summer and fall in.

It's vaguely bleak but also friendly.  I'm feeling better about January already!

Welp, this place is going on my winter bucket list.  So carving.  Much fairytale.



The Louvre here

Now that I'm looking at all these pictures I think it's just the same Instagram filter...  I bet these things were from someone's iPhone in AUGUST.  I feel betrayed.

Betrayed and bleak again.

I'll add forlorn into the mix to round out the assortment.

Stay beautifully bleak, my friends.  Maybe visit an Applebee's and tip well.


  1. Tentacles shadow box is amazing, but my fave is creepy ass castle with cheerful Swiss Miss towers. I feel they are mocking me because they are bright and cute and surrounded by dark forbidding stone. You know people got thrown from that winding walkway more than once.

    I love your eye for dark January environments. I see these photos and think, all is cold, empty void. Of course if I was actually in any of these locations Kidlet would be ruining the mood with her unrelenting energy and Hello Kitty shirts. She probably be running through each scene with neon streamers and shrieking at the top of her lungs. I'd just be on the side wondering where the fuck she got the streamers.

    1. Is there a bleak Hello Kitty?! Because I'd totally be down for that!

      Kids, man. Ruining my attempts at emo ALL THE TIME.