A pyromaniac ghost pirate has some specific thoughts on architecture.

Thanks to the internet my sometimes-obsessive nature gets fed with strange and weird things that prohibit me from going to bed at a reasonable hour.  Recently I came across a picture that I left open in a tab for about twelve days because apparently I don't believe in EVER shutting my computer down.  

Meet the Cliff House.  IT'S ON FIRE!

Oddly enough, after 12 days open I still didn't document the source...

Imagine having 3000 tabs open on your computer then stumbling across that every few hours.  It was rather jarring.  I became obsessed.  Thank gawd it was at least labeled.

The Cliff House was/is in San Francisco (anybody ever been there?) and should probably have its story made into a horror movie.  

The first version of the Cliff House was built in 1858 (according to Wikipedia so, you know...) by an ex-Mormon who used the lumber of a ship that "foundered on the basalt cliffs below."  So what Wikipedia very poetically said was that that a pirate ship (because I'm assuming it totally was) crashed on the evil rocks of the California coast so they decided to build a house using the cursed pirate ship leftovers on TOP of the cursed cliff.  

Seems like nothing could ever go wrong with this plan.  

here

Here's the very first rendition of the Cliff House.  Do you sense the impending doom? 

The second version in 1870 here

Well version #2 (I think just version #1 but with wings so version 1.1) was built in 1863 and became a super fancy hotel and restaurant.  They built a road and shit up from the city and even a track nearby where people could race their horses.

here

It sounds like a regular Dave & Busters up there.  Can you imagine walking up a damn mountain to get there?  

here

Can you imagine doing it in a skirt and corset?  Or walking in the sand?  UGH I'm so lazy.  If my yoga pants bunch up in the wrong spot I punch the closest person next to me in the groin and go home immediately.

Mark Twain seemed to like it although I can't read text on a black background so maybe he hated it but I'll never really know because I'll have a seizure long before I finish the anecdote.

But in 1887 another ship ran aground and caused a gigantic dynamite explosion destroying a large section of the house.  Hhhmm...  another ship?  How... 

COINCIDENTAL.  

Adolph Sutro - future Mayor of San Francisco - was the owner at the time and made his fortune working in the mines.  Although he seems like somewhat of a hero, a dynamite explosion?  Really?  This movie is writing itself, y'all.

But the house survived the explosion only to be burned down by a chimney fire in 1894.  Doh.

Well Sutro said "Nice try, pirates and mining ghosts.  You can't stop a man and his glorious beard!" and rebuilt the Cliff House for the third time like a boss.

here

I love a good 'under construction' shot although something about this terrifies me.  Building an eight story wooden house in 1895 on top of a dangerous cliff just doesn't seem very sturdy.  I mean, just look at the supports over the rocks...  

The architects were Emil Lemme and Charles Colley but I don't know who they were so just absorb that factoid into your grey matter.

here

So here's the third version of the Cliff House called "Gingerbread Palace."  If you'll notice those wooden supports over the rocks are still there...

here

It's the cutest thing ever and I love to see those hussies and their legs playing on the beach.

here

here

My favorite shot.  So wonky.

here

For all I can tell this is a real photo although it looks like something out of a movie.  A HORROR MOVIE?!?!?!??!

Well it wasn't all beachy keen because in 1907 the entire house burned to the ground.  AGAIN.  This was the tragedy that initially captured my attention up top.

Maybe it's the fact that events like this rarely seem to be documented WHILE it's happening that make this one so fascinating to me.  

Fire photos from here

The ruin porn also seems quite poignant.  This is some Jane Eyre shit right here.

It was rebuilt again by the Sutro family similar to the original structure but was once again remodeled (thankfully not necessitated by fire) in 1937 into an American roudhouse.

here

Honestly, I love the retro fabulosity of this version almost as much as I love the haunted ghost pirate version bursting with hell flames.

The building was acquired by the National Park Service in 1977 and in 2003 was remodeled to its current appearance (which was modeled after its 1909 appearance).  Are you confused yet?  Don't worry, I'm not even putting a picture of the current structure on this post because it's so disappointing compared to everything above this that it makes me sad.  You can see it here if you dare...

There's no word on whether or not the new building is haunted so perhaps during one of the numerous fires the evil spirits were finally exorcised.  

I bet if you live in San Francisco you think all this is super boring but I'm totally excited about visiting there one day!  And to bring a team of ghost hunters with me.

I did a lot of reading all over the interwebz but I spent a lot of time at the Cliff House Project, the National Park Service and San Francisco Memories so go there for more info a lots more pictures of old timey people.

And that's your architectural history lesson for today!

Faux fur: when your room needs more implied violence!

I've been digging deep in my Pinterest archives lately for a little bed inspiration.  I call this the very important 'research portion' of my redo.  [MS sidebar: Now accepting government grants for continued research and future implementation.]  I'm probably not going to do all new bedding mostly because I prefer simple bedding like white on white on off-white and I have plenty of that.  Also, budget.

During this UNFUNDED research portion of my work, I noticed a bedding theme that I thought I might be able to accomplish with minimal wallet pain...

B&B Italia's Selene bed

90% of the images that made me tingle had apparently just come back from a hunting expedition.  I may have to jump on the faux murderous bandwagon and get some faux fur for my murderous green bedroom.

It makes sense with the theme.

Fakery and violence?

via PopSugar

Although I have a feeling that some of these people aren't faux murdering...  super sads.

Ivanka Trump's apartment in Elle Decor

Something about fur makes you go big - big art, big windows, big... twigs?  You have to prove exactly how big your bank account and ego is using everything else in the room otherwise the fur just looks like a rabid wolf broke into your room then deflated at the foot of your bed.

BUT STILL SEXY.

source?

BIG HEADBOARD.  

But I don't have a big bank account or ego so that's how my bed will look...

via Vogue

...like a sexy deflated wolf.

NZ House and Garden via The Aestate

I can't think of anything more opposite of what my room will look like than this shiny, mirrored thing above.

This feels a lot more manageable.  However, it does look a bit like I skinned a flock of Charlemagnes for my bed which is the kind of morbidity I draw the line at.

Ryan Korban

White looks really good with Bridget Bardot and peacocks but not for me.  Also, I bought one of those white faux sheepskins from IKEA a few years ago and although it looked good at first (before yellowing...) it really highlighted how dirty and not-white Charlemagne is.  Filthy little glam beast.

via Apartment Therapy

So I'll stick with a color I think.

Started doing a little lite shopping and found a few good options.  Faux fur is everywhere but a decent looking one that doesn't look like a shiny swath of Z Gallerie pubic hair is harder to find than you think.

Champagne close up

I don't think you can really tell about fur without seeing and feeling it in person but this option from Amazon seems not terrible.

All the colors seems nice but that stair rail is so distracting I can' t see straight.

Champagne

This bed isn't helping either...

Kitt Fox

Platinum Frost

They come in two size - 58x60 for $99 and a 58x84 for $141.  Looks like the items - 58x60 and 58x84 - are also at Overstock for a bit more money (but it's always good to see the reviews).

The McMansion where they shot this entire campaign is making me rethink this whole thing...

photographed by Sam Levin

But then I remember Bridget and how I'll look exactly like this* and I know I'm making the right decision.  

If I can afford it.  Pretty sure I can buy a new duvet and sheets (possibly two) for the price of one fur blanket.  But I've really committed to this theme so...

*cough

The Glam Grotto Hustle

I don't know if any of y'all have left your homes recently on account of the Deep Space temperatures but I did and didn't die so yay global warming.  I ventured out of hibernation to see American Hustle and let me tell you I haven't worn a bra since.  

Perfection Here

The effect is slightly less glamorous and more "Hey hillbilly, your nipples are pointing in different directions!" but I just ignore it and tighten my wrap dress because I'm all about the swinging seventies now and I care not about your lack of appreciation for nipple diversity.  

Here

But I'm pretty sure that all nipple appreciators (this is going in a terrible direction...) can agree on the magic of J Law and A... ok just Amy Adams.  For a preview that didn't really grab my interest, I can tell you that it was worth leaving the mound of blankets and cat on my couch for.

Black and yellow, black and yellow from Retro Renovation

A solid 75% of that might be because of the fashion and interiors.  65% was due to stellar acting and 25% because of "science oven."  

Here

I began to have an intense lust for sweet, submarine yellow.   This is weird as I normally am blech to yellow but dammit if Amy Adams didn't turn me lesbian.

American Hustle Pinterest

For the color. Lesbian for the color.  I think...

I was obsessed and distracted by her apartment which she is casually hanging out in from the picture above looking gorgeous enough to make me want to eat that yellow chair with a knife and fork.

American Hustle Pinterest

The movie has a Pinterest page which is both cool and weird that a movie has a Pinterest page but fortunately it had great shots of her place so it made my job easy.  They don't appear as bright and glam as in the movie so take your bra off and use your imagination if you haven't seen the film. 

American Hustle Pinterest

So much white on white love.  Just imagine how great Charlemagne would look in here.

American Hustle Pinterest

The dining room had me leaning out of my seat in the theater trying to see around the characters because I don't understand how moving pictures work.  Warm, yellow grasscloth, abstract art, more white on white, funky lamps...  I feel dizzy from the retro perfection.

American Hustle Pinterest

Can't forget about the massive amounts of glorious (faux) fur too.

So now I'm in full 2014-is-Seventies-Appreciation-Year mode and pulled a bunch of swank spaces for us to rub ourselves on.  I even pulled a few Kelly Wearstler images just for this post - that's how serious I am because you know K dubs and the Madame have a checkered past.  That damn chair makes me itch (ESPECIALLY if an errant nipple touches it!) but it's warm with lots of contrasting textures and loads of white and I can't help it.

The 70s queen K Dubs via Sukio for these two images

I need a grotto very badly.  A glam grotto.

(Glam Grotto is the new nickname for my vagina, BTW.)

(Glam Grotto Hustle would be the name of my fake strip club.)

via Dwell

Or maybe I could just time travel here to Warren Platner's American Restaurant in 1974.  Pour it up, pour it up.  That's how we ball out.  

In the seventies. 

via Dwell

Here's Platner's reception area (I believe) for Windows on the World at the top of the North Tower of the World Trade Center completed in 1976.  It's like Star Trek meets grotto with a Dalek back wall.  So much love.  RIP.

via Dwell

Is this K dubs again?  Nope, it's our friend Platner with a FUR-COVERED COUCH in the home he designed for himself in Connecticut in 1970.  This fucker does not mess around.

There's something about the mix of sparkly glam and scratchy textures that really speaking to me right now.

Xnet? Honestly, the site was in Hebrew so I have no idea.

Could it blind you with reflection or sandpaper your face off if you laid your head on it?  Then yes I'll take two please!

via Freshome

An arc lamp and animal pelts are grotto musts.  When in doubt, cover it in leather or put some glass on it.  For easy cleanup.  

For the above space, Renaud De Poorter and Femke Holdrinet renovated the interiors for this "New Brutalism" home (check out more here) that I'm digging.  Mostly because I had no idea there was such a thing as New Brutalism so prepare yourself for that upcoming post!

from the book Living Spaces via Design Crisis

You think I'm joking but the amount of South American Brutalist concrete in my 'blog ideas' folder is quite massive. (Building material pun!)  But I like this other side of seventies too - the cold concrete side.  I'll throw some fur on it, polish up the arc lamp and we're ready for the swingers party. 

Cuz that's what people did in that decade?  I don't know I wasn't born then.  Maybe that's a good thing.

via The Elegant Cast

White on white on kilim. Are those white Kandinsky chairs?  Hot shit.

Ok so this decade's photography leaves much to be desired BUT think if Lonny was photographing these spaces for now.  We'd all lose our shit for those over-exposed-lighting-from-the-window shots and giant art.

Last three from The New York Times Book of Interior Design and Decoration, 1976, via ebay

Maybe this is getting too far away from my Glam Grotto mood board but I can't stop.  These spaces are too great.  Great bad.

Francois and Betty Catroux apartment, NY magazine, 1968 via Time Lines Vintage

If your vintage room doesn't have Frank Stella then why are you wasting my fucking time, Internet?

from Australian Vogue Living via MidcenturyJo's Flickr

Okay now we're getting back to swank and sizzle.  (Swank and Sizzle is the name of the lap dance and steak dinner combo you can order at the Glam Grotto Hustle.)

That is straight up relevant to all design bloggers right now, don't deny it.  Except the art on the ceiling...?  That's how you can tell a real 70s room vs. a current design blogger room - there's always something funky in the retro room that absolutely confounds you.  Or the space looks like people are getting ready to have sex in it.

Exhibit A:

Last two from The Apartment Book via Desire to Inspire

This one has a "small town girl moves to big city but is broke and reluctantly meets porn casting director for the first time" vibe and this picture was taken three seconds before his dick got some fresh air.  The name of the porn would obviously be "Welcome to the Jungle" with the cover shot taken in front of that tree in the back. But I'm totally blogging it for the windows and the white.  And for the leather tongue chairs but more to make fun of them.  They kinda prove my point.

A quality retro space needs to look like a pornstache lives there.  I bet there are some hairs of questionable origin on that couch if you look close enough.

here

And somehow we came back to white and yellow and black again.  I'm still feeling it but I can't help but squee hard for Platner anyway.  I think if photographed better it'd feel pretty relevant.  But then you notice the Wheel of (mis)Fortune white greyhound by the couch and the daisies - DAISIES? - on the table.  So close, retro room.  So close.

These last few images came from the bowels of the internet - a site made in 1999 (!) called Ugly Rooms for the Beautiful People whose sole purpose was to mock and shame the interiors from the 1975 Better Homes and Gardens Decorating Book.  

Based on the obscure and pedantic references I'd thought the author an aging queen who came out later in life and had a penchant for gin and making ditzy women cry at parties from the overwhelming intensity of his acid tongue but after a quick google search it turns out he's just a journalist.  And an old-school blogger.  Ugh what is it with bloggers lately?!

here

"It's just a bunch of crap tossed together with no theme, no unifying design, or color.  You just know it smells like old cigarettes and socks."

I'm not going to say that I didn't laugh because even though I really dig all of these rooms, this one probably does smell exactly like old cigarettes and socks.  

Let's get Lonny to rephotograph it and have wet Beyonce do some dirty bidness with those dining chairs Grammystyle and I bet even Mr. 1999 Blogger will be singing a different tune. 

But for real you should go back in time and read Ugly Rooms for the Beautiful People because it's much better than my 2014 blog. 

I would never make you cry at a party.  I would probably be in the corner looking at your wallpaper or checking out your floor tile and might make you cry from second-hand embarrassment but never because I was being pedantic.  I'm not even sure I'm using 'pedantic' correctly because I'm way more concerned with decorating my Glam Grotto (room vajazzling?) and trying to get my hair to do that thing that Jennifer Lawrence's does.