Beautifully sad Dutch interiors?? Aaaas youuuuuu wiiiiiiiiish...

We're getting to the point in December when I go to work it's dark and cold as fuck and when I leave work it's dark and cold as fuck.  Do I live in the arctic circle or something??  Christ.  So the seasonal affective disorder is starting to kick in and I'm feeling all dark and moody and dead on the inside.  Needless to say these tragically beautiful pictures of the home of Monique Meij-Beekman courtesy of Desire to Inspire (where else?) really piqued my interest.  My sad Dutch emo interest.   These rooms would work with this song - singular and haunting.  The lyrics aren't right but you really can't understand what he's saying to we're cool.


I can't make up my mind whether or not I'm taking these picture and song pairings seriously or if I'd rather just make fun of the pictures.  Can it be both??  Let me know which you like better dear readers!  Or do you care?  PLEASE TELL ME YOU CARE!!!!!!!  But I might ignore you anyway.

Chandelier, white farmhouse table and tufted chairs??  I like this scandanavian country noir-thing going on!  I want to run around this place in a tattered ivory chiffon ballgown and cowboy boots.  My face will be streaked with tears and mascara because my lover Nikolaas has betrayed me and I am lost without him.  LOST I TELL YOU!!!!!!   I will tragically pick out the notes of our favorite song on the old piano until I'm too overcome with grief and longing and then I'll dramatically throw myself (in slow motion) on the reclaimed wood floors and sob into the handkerchief he gave me at the market that day.  It's all I have to remember him by.  That and the all the nights of unending soul-stirring passioniate lovemaking. 

Oh... uh... can you have a margarita and chips and salsa in this kitchen or do they only serve tepid water and gruel?  "Please sir, can I have some more?"  Seriously it's like abandoned shack chic.  Love it.

That sink looks really conducive to food preperation.  AND I WANT ONE NOW!!!!!

Is that a portal to Hades???  Don't get too close or the vortex will suck you in!!  Actually there was a mirror in it but I couldn't bear to look at myself without Nikolaas by my side so I shattered it in a fit of rage and self-loathing.  Now it is empty and black - just like my heart without Nikolaas.

Is this a fireplace?  Is that round circle thingy a flamethrower like those flame spuds from the fire swamp in the Princess Bride?  Warm I guess but sightly problematic Ms. Decorator Lady.  I hate to burst your grey bubble but I'm pretty sure that giant charcoal bean bag chair (a sad sack?) and its inhabitants will be obliterated when the flamethrower comes on you overpaid fucktard.  Maybe the bean bag is just the bed for the rodents of unusual size!! (I'm still keeping with the Princess Bride references)   The skull hanging on the wall is the last rodent who didn't get out of the way fast enough.  Nikolaas loved unusually-sized rodents. 

Again with the soap.  Maybe all the dark walls are actually just charred sooty residue from the flame spud fireplace.  A little soap and years of elbow grease can take care of that!!  I think my soul would feel a little dirty after staying here a few days.  What cleans that huh?  WHAT CLEANS THAT???!!!!  sob, sob, sob...

Wow.  Nothing says serious romance and hot dirty sex like this bedroom.  I'm turned on already by those wrinkled sheets and dirty headboard.  Seems more like this is the place where someone would self mutilate.  With the broken shards of a mirror.

NIKOLAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Taste the rainbow.

If you've read any of this blog up until now it may seem like it's all about pissing on other people and their work.  Ok it kinda has; but I really do enjoy looking at pretty things just for pretty's sake and am really inspired by all the hard-working and creative bloggers and designers out there!  Except for this: 

I FUCKING hate this!!!!  If I see another one of these horrible rainbow bookshelves I'm going stab myself in the eye with my stylus pen.  I blame Domino - I'm sure they did it first.  If I ever walk into someone's house and see this I think I will turn around immediately and walk out but not before I spit on their children.  Ok probably not - but I'll totally judge them and roll my eyes reeeeally hard behind their backs.  Not only do I not really want to decorate according to the gay pride flag the arrangement of books immediately lets me know that this person doesn't read.  You don't need the dewey decimal system at home but if you actually used your bookshelves you would know that this isn't an organizational system.  It's a fourth grade craft project.

But just to prove to you that I'm not a TOTAL bitch here are real bookshelves that are functional (mostly) AND pretty:

apartment therapy

city sage

domino?

country home

dominomag flickr

I know that this isn't really an organizational system either but it's pretty so it gets a pass.

from I Suwannee.  I'd even prefer fake bookshelves to the rainbow.

omoo flickr

ooh_food flickr

rejean pellerin flickr

the selby

Ok the last ones are actually arranged by color but you know what?  It actually looks good and it works because it's hipster decorated.  Take note amateur book rearrangers everywhere.  I'm watching you.

*I don't have sources for everything but if I find out I'll update.  I don't want to be sued by the internet police and end up in internet jail.  Wherever that is. 

I got nothin here...

I had planned to write another mind-blowingingly awesome post about getting shit-faced this weekend, vomiting my guts out at 3 AM and then waking up to SNOW(!!!!) in the morning and how that all relates to some greater context of love, life and design in this crazy universe.  But who really gives a shit, right?   

I just saw Precious and really all the stuff I wanted to write about seemed retarded.  Well more so than usual.  I think I'm going to have nightmares about Monique.  She was stunningly horrifying.  I could really talk about this movie for quite awhile so all I have to say is just go and see the movie.  Like now.  And then go home and take a really long shower and do whatever you need to do to like bleach your brain.  And then say a prayer to jesus about how awesome your life is and then email me so we can talk about it in detail.

Seriously - I think I'm going to have flashbacks. 

While searching for the image I found this blog which has some interesting  side-by-sides of ads.  I don't think the Precious poster was plagarizing per se but using a well identified image to convey some serious fucked-up shit in the movie.  In art we call that "appropriating" and that's probably a whole other post.  But then if you scroll down there's some Tyler Perry shit and don't even get me started on that mess.  Your call.

*When you're done with the movie read this about the director Lee Daniels (of Monster's Ball) and the making of the movie.  It's got spoilers so WAIT!!!!!!

Madame Sunday? How about QUEEN Sunday!!!!!

There came a point in my life when it was necessary that I understand what forces of the universe came together to produce that which is myself.  What unique blend of glitter, sarcasm and inbreeding did it really take?  So like any curious person with some disposable income and an internet connection I started researching my family tree.  I know it's a hobby that's usually reserved for 60 year olds and their quilting circles but I'm gonna bring it a whole new generation of foul-mouthed twenty-somethings.  Check out this pedigree chart muthafuckas!!!!!! 

One side of the family I've been lucky with and other people have already done all the work.  Thank you ancestry.com.  Apparently I've decended from a long line of douchbags from England who used to manage King Charles' books 500 years ago like some kind of librarian or secretary or something.  I don't really know exactly but that explains the sense of entitlement and anal-retentive tendencies.  One ancestor immigrated to this country working as a glass blower - I'm guessing that was the 18th century equivalent of glitter.  I'm just going to go ahead and put it out there that he may have been gay.  Actually I'm going to say that yes he was absolutely homosexual.  I've always loved people of the rainbow and now I know that it's in my genes.  The rest of that family were all baptist ministers.  That explains the repression and need to judge others.

The other side of the family was a sassy mix of dirt poor farmers and horse thieves.  Ok I made up the part about the horse theives but being dirt poor farmers is not very exciting.  I'm going to guess that generations and generations of being poor probably made some people kinda bitter so that accounts for the sarcasm and aversion to manual labor.

But all this fabulosity pales in comparison to the story of these guys.  They are two brothers who live in a cave outside of Budapest.  They just inherited billions from their long lost grandmother.  That's with a 'B'.

FUCK YOU YOU MANGY LOT OF HORSE THIEVES AND GAY-ASS GLASS BLOWERS!!!!!  That is all you have for me - sarcasm and plowing techniques??  I need to stop blogging right now and get to the library asap and find that billionaire relative.  I know there had to be some serious fucking going on in that 16th century kind's court so I think it's safe to say that I'm more than likely a descendant from the bastard child of a king.   Maybe something like this will happen:

I may not live in a cave but it is a shithole sooo....

 

I'm just sitting here ready to go...

Whenever you're ready...

Sweet, generous, possibly dead long lost relative...

Just a million is fine too...

Whenever you're ready...

The real puzzle is how can I get one of those.

Saw this guy on the news last week but just remembered him today probably due to the enormous amount of pie and booze turkey I consumed which apparently buried important information under calories and booze tryptophan. Wonder what other good ideas I lost during the mashed potato blackouts...

Dan Phillips is a renaissance man (former dance instructor, Army officer, antiques dealer and cryptogram puzzle maker) in Texas who collects your trash and builds sustainable houses with it for low income people.  They happen to be works of art and he happens to be my new hero in jean shorts.   Here's an article about him in the NYT earlier this fall.  He says he's freed from "the tyranny of the two-by-four and four-by-eight" standard construction and if you've seen a house like this lately tyranny is correct.  McMansion is the real tyrant of this country. 

Check out some pictures of these liberated houses:

Frame remnants on the ceiling.  I effing love it.

Corks make the floor.  Give me a few friends and a weekend and I could give you about 2100 square feet.

Osage wood counters.  What a fan-friggin-tastic photo.

Wine bottle inserts in the door.  See above note about cork floors.  I think my liver needs to take one for the team so I can start giving back to the community.

Chair made from cattle bones. 

Shingles and "siding" from scraps and throwaways.

How adorable is he? 

Check out the interview I saw below or do some more investigating at his website Phoenix Commotion.  Lots more pictures there too.  I even love the name of his company.  I bet it's a puzzle!!!  Tee hee!!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

*updated size of video for maximum jean shorts viewage.

New favorite person

Seriously she was probably in my top five but I think she just peaked.  She being Sonya Tayeh if you didn't know and if you didn't you're a loser.  She's fucking awesome and her routine killed it tonight.  As soon as I find it somewheres on the internet I'll post it so we can all bask in its awesomeness forever and ever and ever.  Jazz hands and tigers and mohawks oh my!

*FOUND IT!!!!!!  I don't know why fox is so stingy with trying to view their videos.  I'M BRINGING YOU TONS OF VIEWERS ASSHOLES!!!!!!  Well only one really.  I have one subscriber as of today.  Shout-outs to Shan Shan!!  HOLLA!!!!!

Enough with the words

I'm a verbose girl sometimes.  I could probably talk about the color green for an hour.  Let's just get to some pretty things for awhile.  Here's Frederic Mechiche's loft.  I don't know who he is but I'm guessing he's pretty important since this same loft has been featured in a thousand magazines.  Whoever he is I think he might be a genius.  Love the floors, the colors, the BATHTUB, the collection of chairs, the everything.

Well said.  All of this from Door Sixteen - she talks about pretty interiors, skincare and I love the raindrops.  Here's her older post with more pics.  I think she's been stalking this loft for awhile.  I like a girl who can get obsessed.