Sunday, September 26, 2010

The American Dream: ModSauce style.

The Madame hasn't even been an adult a full week and already I'm moving up the ladder of fabulosity.  Just look:

Gawddamit now I'M fancy!
It's just like I always wanted!!!!  My L-U-X-U-R-Y box squeed with excitement when I was handed this for my birfday.  But this is better than those stupid boxes you get with thousand dollar scarves inside, this was CRAFTED by some friends in fabulosity who happen to be loyal readers.  That's the first requirement for being my friend... are you literate but have low expectations?  Good.  Have an internet connection? Great.  Here's some homework reading for you.

Even Charlemagne is attracted to that color.  She knows.
Apparently, through a few degrees of separation, I know someone with an actual Hermes box.  I feel like a celebrity!   For all of your future crafting pleasure that box was matched to Benjamin Moore's Rumba Orange which was then expertly applied to the highest quality cardboard container that Hobby Lobby carries.  Nothing but the best for me.  

Even the logo is correct.  Details are important when you're faking it.  And another requirement for being my friend.

You can put anything inside that orange box and it becomes Hermes: a pit-stained wife beater and some chicken McNuggets in a Rumba Orange box = *air quotes* Hermeesss *end air quotes*.  I got lucky because this one had two "Hermes" pillow shams hand-quilted and straight from Hawaii.  Smells a lot better but doesn't taste as good.  

They're kinda like Mexican tenangos but more American.  Well, if you consider Hawaii American.  I'm pretty sure it's like a different country over there.  Do they even have rednecks over there?  There's nothing more American than rednecks.  

Except for two legally married homosexuals taking something expensive and trying to fake it with crappier materials.   And a lot of heart.  


  1. I am pleased as punch that I totally nailed those Hawaiian quilted pillow shams before the words were out of your ruby lipped mouth (yes, I believe in avatars). I was not as convinced by the BM "Rumba" schtick - but then again Hermes is no wanna-be of mine in the first place, so a box in drag didn't fool me.
    And yes, they have rednecks in Hawaii, believe me. They might not be your common Chattavegas garden variety (ever meet a pig-dog in the rainforest?) but they would qualify. Pork is involved, so...

  2. What the hell is a pig-dog? Can you make bacon out of it? Are they attracted to fake "Hermes?" Can I lure them with boxes in drag to get some of their bacon? ANSWER ME!!!!

  3. That table of yours is awesome!

  4. Hey thanks! I have fantasies about painting it white but maybe I'll keep it this way...