So I came home one day last week to this:
Ok that's not my house. But my roof was in fact leaking and water was pouring into my guest room. Gawdammit.
Technically it was my fault because months ago the same spot starting leaking after the worst rain and floods in 75 years. But after that little incident it didn't leak anymore despite numerous storms so I blamed it on the record-breaking weather. Ok it was probably totally leaking in the attic but I couldn't see it so therefore it doesn't exist. I was just going to hold out til AFTER the kitchen remodel when I get my tax returns back because fuck I just want a new kitchen! But NOOOOO the universe was all "Look bitch get your priorities in order and take care of this shit becuase I want to completely decimate your entire savings in one swoop."
However the universe works in mysterious ways. I'm a lucky madame. I'm like that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry explains how he always breaks even. So do I. But with more fabulosity. For instance the guest room where the waterfall happened has actually been a junk pile for months and the day before the storms I cleaned it up and put a rug down. The rug actually sopped away the majority of the water like a biscuit with gravy so the damage to the wood floor was lessened. Well that and the mattress and bedding absorbed a lot too. I'm sure it'll just dry out... Those floorboards won't though.
So in addition to the constant nervous acid reflux in my attempt to find a kitchen contractor I was feeling pretty shitty the next day about my new struggle to get my roof fixed (and the zit that I may or may not have had...) when lo and behold Twitter comes to the rescue! (doesn't it always?) The clouds parted and a rainbow of sparkling warmth appeared and at the end of it sat this:
BAM. I was fortunate enough to win this snazzy Tattoo End Table courtesy of Modenus (@Modenus) via Snug Furniture (@snugfurniture) and Maybelline Te of Frou La La (@maybellinete). It's like the universe was extending her tattooed hand in a peace offering.
Seriously, it always works out for me. I lost my main makeup bag (yes there are multiple ones) over a month ago (would have helped hide that zit better) but I wasn't worried - in fact I just found it!!! It turned up in my refrigerator, naturally. Guess I should clean my fridge out more often... Actually I had to buy over $100 of makeup to replace what I thought I lost and now I have double everything except all the old stuff smells like onions and actually this is really a horrible example of good things happening to me...
Ok maybe the universe hates me. But at least I have nice furniture. Let's hope nobody rains on it.
Or I accidentally put in in my refrigerator.