Jesus finally made it rain all over the ModernSauce Ranch (literally and figuratively) because after an almost 6 month long search I actually have 3 legitimate bids from legitimate contractors for the hellhole kitchen remodel! I cry tears of glitter. I'll be going over the whole process in agonizing detail with you later but right now I'm compiling each bid into a master spreadsheet so I can compare apples to apples. I didn't think to create a template BEFORE and hand it to each one requiring them to fill out each applicable section but I'll do that in the future because that is the most genius idea ever and I know they would have absolutely zero problem with that. Based on the bids I've received on post-it notes, word docs and random "formula" sheets these fuckers need all the help they can get. I can't wait to see their faces when I hand them this template when it comes time to do the bathrooms... Guys like that LURVE having girls like me tell them how to do their jobs better!
So while I'm crunching numbers and selling my last bit of plasma to make this remodel happen I thought I'd share a mood board of what's rolling around in my head. Also because you have to be dead on the inside to not love a mood board. Feel free to comment and ridicule as you please but I might completely ignore your expert opinion OR steal your idea and not give you any credit. It just depends on your idea. This mood board also goes out to all the asshats who, upon learning of my kitchen remodel, immediately respond with "oh what color are you painting it?" Trick please. I could give a fuck right now what color my walls are. I'm more concerned with whether or not I'm going to have a new ceiling and calculating CFM value for my range hood based on a complicated algorithm of whooshing noises, counting on my fingers and a case of wine. You know, important things.
So here you go.
This is the world's most boring mood board for the world's most awesomenest kitchen. I wish you could add sparkle and shine and an aura of fabulosity but sadly technology is way behind in this area. GET ON IT OLIOBOARD!!!!
So I think we've already established that I want white cabinets with a few glass doors. Done. I also want a black floor. SHUT UP!!! I know what you're thinking: "Madame you hate chores including but not limited to cleaning floors and Charlemagne shed her glitter pelt at least twice a month." Well you're right but I don't care because if I know anything it's that buying new things will completely change your personality for the better so I know I'm totally going to turn into that Pine Sol lady after the renovation . And I already bought the tile about two years ago... And we can't forget about the Venuto!! Now he's just languishing in a closet. Waiting... Soon, my precious. He needs something shiny to hang out with so maybe some globe pendants with chrome accents. And I don't know what kind of countertop I'm going with but that tile and stone sample in the corner probably ain't gonna be it no matter how much I dry hump my computer screen. Quartz is a cold and heartless temptress that costs bajillions of dollars.
I forgot to add all the crap that'll be living on my counters like toaster ovens and boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and half empty bottles of wine, etc... I'm just kidding. Those bottles are all empty of course.
And for all you people that are just dying to know what color I'm going to paint my walls the best I can give you right now is beigey. Deal with it.
Thanks to K for the Olioboard tip!