The absurd architecture of reality.

This weekend the humidity dropped below 200% so it was a great time to get outside and celebrate my beautiful state:

Tennessee, y'all.  

We have whiskey and rocks.

I spent Saturday all up in Nature and shit.  It's like I temporarily forgot my #1 hobby is sitting in front of a computer.

If this doesn't earn me my white trash hippie merit badge then I don't know what else I can do other than grow my pubic hair into dreadlocks while shotgunning a Miller High Life.  

It was beautiful even when it started pouring down rain for our 45 minute walk back to the car which I'm totally fine with because every lady person knows that rainwater is excellent for your skin.  

I don't know why - probably sky poison? - but my skin always feels delicious after I spend some time in the rain.  That makes me sound like a fucking crazy homeless person that is in the rain a lot but I assure you my life is not like a Jimmy Buffet song.  I don't even like Pina Coladas.

I further celebrated my geographic area by sitting on a couch inside watching the entire 1st season of Small Town Security.  

AMC. Stuff that's scarier than Walking Dead.

If you are unfamiliar with this experience it is a reality show on AMC - yes, a real network - and is the most riveting - pardon my language - turd I've ever seen float down the river of television.  

It follows a family of characters so eccentric it would give any Southern Gothic-lover moist panties.  This group of foul-mouthed misfits provide security and private investigation for the North Georgia area as well as more mouth-dropping moments of absurdity for the audience than I thought possible.  But I haven't seen an episode of Honey Boo Boo yet so...

Even Funny or Die is in on the action.

Not only is it worth you buying it from Amazon or iTunes immediately, it is filmed literally ten minutes from my house.  And that's not a figurative "literally" it's a literal "literally" because Ringgold, GA, the setting for this masterpiece, is less than ten minutes away from where I live in the grand metropolis of Chattanooga, TN.  

I may or may not have family and friends in Ringgold...  *uncomfortable shifting*  

I can recognize almost every single building in the background.  It's not a proud moment for my area.  I urge you to watch it post haste.

But since I can't actually build a blog around crazy shit in my area (CAN I???) and because I'm all into nature and shit as well as private investigation now (segue alert!) I thought I'd get to the bottom of this image that has haunted my Pinterest dreams the last week. 

I'm not sure what's going on here but there is a lot of purty wood, a wall of green things similar to what I saw in 'teh nature' this weekend and a shiny floor that looks more like a fog machine was turned on.  I don't know but it makes me want to put on my glitter eyeshadow and just DANCE in the forest. *jazz hands*

In addition to reality show train wrecks, those are some of my favorite things - modern ambiguity and an unquenchable desire for glitter and Fosse-inspired movement.  Upon further investigation I learned it is a vignette in the 'Origami House' in Singapore designed by Formwerkz Architects.  

I'm so good at the investigation thing I think I could work for Small Town Security.  

Money, sex and power, OBVIOUSLY.

Say the architects: Adapting the concept of Origami – the geometric folding of a piece of paper to different shapes and forms- we attempt to depict the parent-child relationship in the way their dwelling spaces are intricately juxtaposed within the sculpted volumes created by the folding of bronze metal planes. While the child...  

Fuck, I just passed out from boredom.

You know what's more interesting than everything they just said about this house?  SMALL TOWN SECURITY.  If I didn't already hook you, did I mention they talk about sex all the time?  They have someone that actually delivers dirty magazines to them.  Welcome to the fuckery of the South, y'all.

I don't even know what I'm looking at but I think I like it.  

THESE ARE ALSO MY EXACT THOUGHTS ABOUT MY NEW FAVORITE TV SHOW.

Did I mention there is an openly transexual person on the show?  That's a big deal down here... I may have choked up a bit at that part of the story.

There's also something on the show called a "shit stick" which also made me cry but more from shock, confusion and revulsion.

all images from HomeDSGN

Lemme just say that someone pees their pants on camera and that's the least shocking thing I watched in that episode.

That pool runs the entire length of the house... Just wanted you to know.

This show is the best thing to happen to me since Sister Wives, obviously.  It's kinda sweet but creepy as fuck.  

Similar to my conflicted feelings about this house because even though I enjoy it immensely I can't figure out where the living room is where I would curl up on the couch, shotgun a Miller High Life and watch the beautiful love story of a transexual and his reincarnated non-wife while they protect and serve on tv. 

Gawd bless the architect that would ever have to work with me should I ever have enough money to build a house.  

They would probably rather die from a shit stick through the heart.