Wednesday, October 30, 2013

My raven's name is That's So...

It's decorative goth season, motherfuckers. 

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Ah, Halloween.  That magical time of year where I trade in Charlemagne for a raven and my black wardrobe for an even blacker wardrobe with ruffles.  

I finally have an excuse to wear my long leather gloves, too, other than pumping gas touching the shopping cart at Costco.  

And I can bring my friends.
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I'm in a super witchy mood this year, not to be confused with being bitchy of which I have been lately but they are completed unrelated.  I blame the things mentioned in this rant.  But maybe I should look into a spell to help me acquire a new mattress.

At the very least I could dress really cool while shopping.

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Please enjoy this special holiday dump of hippie witches and some skullz and shit.  I have to get this raven's harness on him before we start mattress shopping.

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Y'all.  I cancelled my cable so I haven't seen any of the new American Horror Story and it's KILLING me.  Maybe I'll bewitch one of my neighbors into letting me watch at their house.

Or I'll send my raven to peck out their eyes.

Just kidding.  He'll just steal some candy or something.  I've trained him for the truly important work.

8 comments:

  1. gah. it's a good thing the interwebz didn't exist when I was 14, because I would have aimed hard for all of this and never recovered. except the lady with her nips showing, I had more modesty than that.
    would have been all over that feather-horn-headress thing, though.

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    1. I'm so desensitized I had to look and see where the nips were!

      It's a good thing the interwebz exists now because I swear I'm starting to shop for feather headdresses and modern witch stuff so yeah please join me. 14 year old you would be so proud.

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  2. Shhh! don't mention the word raven next to me! Sorry, I have a little issue with ravens since I read Game of Thrones, my crush for Jon Snow got bigger with the tv show. I need a 12 step program ... or those McQueen boots from pic # 2. Yep, those boots will help ... and the guy who plays Jon Snow too :)

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    1. McQueen boots make everything better. True fact!

      I WISH GoT costumes weren't so expensive to do otherwise...

      Dragons. Dragons is what I'm saying.

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  3. True story: we had a pet raven for a week. He was at my mom's school and wouldn't leave the playground because he liked to play with the kids. Since he was obviously domesticated my mom drove him (40mins!) home to live with us while she figured out what to do. It was awesome scary. He wasn't scary but our ceiling weren't that high and crows are not small flying things. I was a preteen and I loved it.

    His favorite spot was the giant horned deer/stag/moose skull in our kitchen. He would sit on the horns and caw. (And yes, we were perfectly normal people that had a giant skull in our kitchen....next to the sign that said "The only thing domestic about me is that I was born in this country")

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    1. That is totally awesome! Did he stay in your house a lot or was he an indoor/outdoor raven like a cat? Did he poop everywhere? Where did you get the skull? Why is your family so cool?

      I feel like you need to write this is a David Sedaris-style short story because I have many more questions!!

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    2. Just indoors, hanging out and occasionally cawing. There was poop everywhere. We were finding poop in odd places for months. My mom got the skull as someplace to hang her bullwhip. She very specifically got one with a lot of points...which means something to people who know things about hooved creatures. (I am not that person, I always assume it means pointy bits.)

      You'd think our house would be crazy western themed, but you'd be wrong. Giant Mexican day of the dead statues (like four feet tall) kicked it with tiny Kachina dolls and massive shells from Polynesia. Paintings and lithographs on every wall. Giant plants that the bird sometimes sat in. My mom traveled extensive before & after my birth so everything represented a trip or a friend overseas. My mom is pretty damn cool. We do have some Sedaris level travel stories.

      One time when we in the Yucatan Peninsula our cabby abandoned us on a road he swore led to the campground/resort place our friend was staying at. It didn't and we ended up trudging for miles down an empty beach dragging our "rolling" carts with luggage that was full of stuff we had bought. This was the early 90s when rolling carts were crap and all they did was collect more sand until they tipped over. At one point my mom fell over and told me to just leave her with the luggage and save myself. We did find the resort & they wouldn't let us eat with our friends because they didn't "take people off the street". That was a pretty hilarious trip.

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    3. Your mom sounds like a badass - you had me at bullwhip! My family was not the traveling type so that's so cool that you/she got to experience that. Even if you ended up being confused for street urchins on occasion. ; )

      For reals - start writing down all these stories! I'd read it! I'm sold!

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