Monday, November 3, 2014

Sweet dreams are made of carnivorous greens. FINALLY.

Welcome, welcome, internet friends and strangers, to my inner sanctum where all the magic happens... the sauce flows (??)... the cat gets snuggled.   

Please put on your human-sized condom before you come in.

Sadly, I realized that I "started" this project in FEBRUARY of this year which is pretty embarrassing.  However, it's pretty much looked like this for the past three or four months so blame my poor blogging skillz not necessarily my completion skillz.  Well, you might hate that part too.  It's cool.

It's a fairly small room so I didn't want to get too cluttered or dramatic.  However my initial inspiration was a 'heart of darkness/carnivorous green' vibe which really only makes sense to me.

To refresh, the headboard wall is painted Valspar's Forest Canapy and the rest of the walls are Pantone's Cloud Dancer (see process here).  Dark green was a weird choice I know but after after seven months I still love it.  If you hate it I'm not offended in the slightest.

I thought having an accent wall would feel gimmicky or trendy but it doesn't at all (yet).  This wall is part of the main load bearing wall of the house and having a dark color on it feels kinda grounding.  I'm actually going to paint the rest of the hallway this wall connects to the same color as well.  Does this sound like I'm justifying an accent wall?  Maybe.   

Cohesion is my goal for 2015.

Also, this room gets great morning sun so having the rest of the white walls makes the whole space feel really open and airy.  Like you're almost DANCING IN THE CLOUDS. Eh...?!  EH...?! *eyebrow wiggle*

Someone previously asked me about the texture of my walls which after being painted blackish green now resembles avocado skin:

Or pimples?
This is ONE coat of FLAT paint.  I can't think of a reason to ever use flat paint (vandalism?) but in this case I still get a lot of reflection from the wall texture while still having it feel velvety (not chalky) which is what I wanted.  Mission accomplished.

The opposite side of the room from the entrance is entirely closet space which seems like a great idea until you try to actually use them.  Fun fact: when I moved in the back of each door and the wall in between was covered in mirrors and a light installed above them to make a sort of threeway mirror "dressing room" when you open the doors.  

I can't decide if that's totally fucking weird or totally fucking smart...

Does a boring nun live here?
This room was also covered in a dirty beige paint color (in part due to nicotine stains) and a country blue duck wallpaper border that took weeks to clean off thanks to the avocado skin wall texture.  I also removed an ugly ceiling fan sticky with cigarette filth.  Unfortunately, the ceiling fan was actually holding up the ceiling and the heavy plaster began to sag and slowly collapse.  I held it up with a ladder and stacks of magazines while I lived in the guest room. 

Eventually I was able to have one of them fancy sheetrock ceilings put in so I wouldn't die from a plaster avalanche.  Ah, the joys of home improvement.

Castle print courtesy of an antique store and a vintage science illustration in a Ribba frame all from my large treasure closet (horde) of goodies.

Ignore the white streak, it's a bitch and a half to remove.
The hamper is a vintage African woven basket I got at a local antique mall for about $50.  A sound investment, I say.  Curtains are IKEA's Vivan sheers and the grey side panels are Aina.  I cannot say how grateful I feel that IKEA now has white curtain rods AND curtain hooks that work in all of their curtains.   Really classin' the joint up.  I'm not really a big fan of puddling curtains but I'm even less a fan of hemming ten panels so here we are.

Fortunately I have an entire wall of windows opposite my bed.  Even better is that I have a low roof over my patio and a privacy fence beyond that because I never close the sheers when I change.  If my neighbors see anything it's their own fault that they will have to deal with in their own nightmares.  

But I do have a nice patio view which I try to not enjoy while topless.  Too often...

Charlemagne loves to hang out in the herb garden.

Back inside it's less colorful but still just as much IKEA.  I'm soooo glad I went with the two side-by-side 4 drawer Malms.  I use every single one of the drawers and the height is perfect.   

I had dreams of making wooden handles through a local craftsmen because I do rather hate the ergonomics of pulling out these drawers but kinda ran out of money and inclination.  Sometimes when you try to class up IKEA too much it's like putting lipstick on a Swedish pig.  

Maybe small leather pulls?  I'll probably get around to doing that when I hem the curtains... 

Hey remember when I tried to get a vintage lamp fixed but could never get to the lighting store because they kept Christian hours?  Well that still is true.  I found this navy one at a discount store cuz I thought it would coordinate and balance the dark green wall.  I then took it to Target to get a shade only to realize it was actually a Target lamp.  Which I apparently got for about $7 cheaper at the discount store.  Obviously my bargain hunting skills are unprecedented.

The mirror came from my mom's basement and included some angel stickers I had to scrape off.  Guess that means I'm no longer blessed when I look in the mirror.  EXCEPT BY MY OWN STUNNING VISAGE.

The horns I found at an estate sale for cheap.  Those are always the best places for weird shit because the usual demographic steers clear of dead things.  I always get a few "ew" remarks when I'm in line.  Well, look at them now, judgey grandmas!  It's great to stand at the mirror and feel like you're playing a game of chicken with a dead animal.

Besides, the horns are slightly lopsided in the exact way my boobs are so it was meant to be.  A friendly reminder from Jeebus every morning that I'm special (or that my deformed corpse might be hung on someone's wall over cheap furniture when I'm dead?).

Um... here is a collection of things.  That's about it.  Trying to not clutter up my dresser top too much because I'm a clutter lover by nature. 

This succulent is an Ox Tongue - a low light plant that's lasted six months so far so I'd say it's a survivor.

Over here we have a Jade snake plant and a pothos variety called N' joy (I think).  Fun fact: that's also the name of a line of sex toys which called for much smirking when I bought it from the hippies at the market.   Both also going strong.  The plants not the sex toys.

I tried a Calathea but it didn't fare so well.  RIP, little jungle guy.  You were loved for your brief stay here at the Ranch.

The big white rectangle is actually, well, it IS a big white rectangle but it's really there as a 'study of texture.'  *makes gagging noise at myself*

It was actually a shirt that I accidentally ripped open one day while trying to walk through my front door (I swear I wasn't drunk).  I really liked the fat embroidery so I cut out the center medallion and added some decorative trim at the top and bottom from the sleeves and taped it all together with duct tape.  Why am I not a Pinterest superstar?

As "art" it's about as interesting as a bowl of milky rice covered in zzzzzzz but it fills the space without distracting me from staring at my own GLORIOUS VISAGE when I'm looking in the mirror playing chicken with the horn god.

My fave necklace needed a special place for display and easy access.  

Overall I'm fairly pleased with how the room feels right now.  It ain't winning any awards but it's surprisingly close to my mood board.  Most importantly it's very peaceful and quiet which is what I wanted most.  It's not 100% where I'd like it - maybe a new lamp, more emerald and green accents, different art, FUR EVERYWHERE - but everything is always in progress and those things can happen organically later.  

Sometimes I just get tired of spending money on a project and want to move on.  Besides, Christmas is practically tomorrow and I have ten jizzillion other projects to tackle.

And by tackle I mean 'glitter.'  

I... made some collages of details.  Can't decide if that's narcissistic or just being a Virgo.  Besides, it never hurts to give Mr. Moroccan pillow some additional time in the spotlight.  Nightstand is BM's Collinwood if you remember.

Really I just wanted my little piece of amethyst to get some special time in the light.

Mostly-dead air plant did NOT get his time in the spotlight for obvious, mostly-dead reasons.

And although keeping a simple room means I tend to keep it cleaner, my nightstand does look like this fairly often:

Just keeping it real with y'all.

And I'm not exactly sure about the overall cost of everything but I think the total was about $800.  That seems like a lot of money considering what we just looked at but it includes all the paint for the walls and nightstand, two dressers and glass top, all new curtains and hardware, the rug, two lamps, a bedskirt, two new shams and bed pillows (it was time), the hamper and the DIY headboard.  Everything else I already had or was repurposed from things I already had.

Actually now that I list it all that seems like a lot for a little, yes?  

Just imagine what I could have done with A THOUSAND DOLLARS!  

Stay tuned in 2017 when I finally get my hallway painted the same shade of carnivorous green!  Just in time to change my bedroom color...

Sweet dreams.


  1. I love it! Especially love the dark green color. Taking chances and not following the crowd is commendable! And paid off in a great space! Well done.

  2. What if you hang the necklace from the animal horns? Yes, I am a giver.

    1. That's like 2 feet above my head. Also, scary.

  3. Well I have been outside the blogosphere for months, only you could bring me in again!!! I'm loving it!! the paint color, the carpet, the mirror ... it must feel like heaven every morning haha ... and I can stand the nightstand! see what I did there? stand ... nightstand ;)

    1. Haha welcome back and thank you! If it was truly heaven I'd be woken up with breakfast in bed but alas, just cat claws.

  4. yay, how exciting to be done (and it's not really done until you blog it, right?)! it feels like a finished and well-thought-out and put-together room, and a peaceful, relaxing one, too. even the cluttered version of your night stand doesn't seem so very cluttery. (side note on night stands with drawers: why do the surfaces get cluttered despite there being room in the drawers for that stuff? we are still trying to figure that one out at our house!)

    you know why the flat paint wasn't flat, right? super dark colors (& certain very saturated colors, ones that use little or no white, like bright red) need a very high pigment content, and this means a different composition that includes less of the stuff that makes it matte finish. i have actually always been a big fan of that exact sheen you get with an uber dark/saturated color. it's not the same as satin, but it's similar; it has a different quality to it that i love. obviously you already know what i mean b/c you've been lovin on it for 7 months now so i don't need to try in vain describe it. =)

    1. Nothing even exists unless it's blogged about! And yes you're TOTALLY right that I have tons of nightstand space but can't be bothered to open the drawer to put the night cream back in its home... so terrible.

      And thanks for the info about the paint! I didn't know that but it makes sense because it really doesn't look as matte as other times I've seen matte. Thanks, science! And I could talk color all day so no worries on overkill. ; )

      Thanks for your kind words. Is it nap time yet?

  5. I love the green - so pretty and sophisticated! Nice work you!!

  6. I have the same terrible wall texture. Clearly I should cover them in dark green....right before Hub kills me. Renting blows. When we were dating he once repainted my *tangerine sunset* room the crappy off-white landlords use. I was out of the country & he estimated it took fifty-schmabillion coats to not be orange. Hahaha. Good times.

    Your bedroom looks amazeballs (people still say that, right?) and like a very sophisticated grown-up lives there. Damn you, you are doing adulthood right. If I lived on your block I would sneak my toddler in to paper that shit with my little pony stickers to bring you down to my level, but since I can't, congrats!

    1. I believe that color is 'Navajo White' - the uncomfortably-named color of landlords everywhere! But painting while you were gone is worthy of a good punch to the face. Not cool, hubs!

      And THANK YOU! Imma feel so adulty in my new footie pajamas while I eat cheetos in bed. (Also doing adulthood right?!)

      My Little Pony stickers always welcome.