Sunday, September 4, 2011

Buh bye, Zombie Pit Stains.

If you're a homeowner and a three day weekend rolls around you think 'Yay! Extra time to fuck some shit up in my house!' rather than use that time to lay around for three days and read a good book and eat pretzel bites til you literally have no more saliva in your body.  Yum.  

So of course being the supreme owner of the ModSauce Ranch of fabulosity, I'm gonna celebrate this holiday by destroying my house and having absolutely zero down time to recuperate from it!  RAWWRRRR!!  

I decided to say a final farewell to my Zombie Pit Stain green living/dining/great room.  It was good while it lasted.  Kinda...

I just finished painting a mediocre china cabinet (which I'll be sure to tell you ALL about later!  Try to contain your panty-squeeing excitement.) for my dining room but would not allow myself to actually move it in until I repainted the walls.  This was my motivation because I can't do anything without giving myself an ultimatum.  

Or a cookie...
This is the only place in the living room that looks not vomitous.  Also, it's
waaaay more green in person.
Zombie Pit Stain is actually Behr's Coriander Seed.  I had a great/weird vision for the MS Ranch a few years ago when I moved in but sadly I just couldn't get it to work.  By the time I could have actually made it work I was tired of walking home to COLOR IN YER FACE every day.  But at the time I was in love with its dirty ochre-ness.

Other than a pink room (matched perfectly to a unicorn wallpaper border of course) I had as a tender young Madame, I'd never lived in a space that wasn't rental white.  

I'm starting to see how this might have influenced my unicorn love...  More self-realization in 3...2...1...

Therefore when I bought my house I painted every single room a color because OMIGAWD I WANT TO LIVE IN A RAINBOW!!!  But it turned out more like the White House with a blue room, a yellow room, a zombie pit stain dirty apple room and on and on and barf.      

But I've got all of that out of my system now and am spending this delightful holiday weekend forcing my paint palette to grow up.

There's not a pretzel bite in site but there are some Triscuits and a bit of tv in the background to keep me company including but not limited to episodes of Flipping Out, Annie, parts of the Bourne trilogy (I only pay attention during the fight scenes) and a Star Trek: TNG marathon to fill in.  

However I kept getting distracted by thinking about a Tim Curry and Punjab sandwich the tv so I had to change it to one of my gangsta rap Pandora stations.  This vastly improved my speed and swagger.

But the new paint is looking good even though my hands hurt and I'll still be edging this giant room all the way through next weekend.  Gawdammit.

NEVERending...!!!  And I forgot to take the switchplate off, dammit!
Remind me to tell the story of the wood paneling one day...

Sigh...  You've probably been laying by the pool drinking cocktails but I've been laying on my dirty floor wiping down the baseboards and discovering entire ecosystems of spiders in all my corners.  I've barely got the first coat on...  it's a big-ass motherfuckin room.  I've already accidentally broken a mirror and some framed art.  I wasn't even drinking yet!  

It'll look hawt when it's done of course.  But please - all you sensible renters and fun people - please enjoy an actual holiday weekend because I am too stupid to do the same.  The rest of us home-owning schmucks are busy making magic happen.

BTW, pro tip:  I forgot how insanely good Annie is.  You should definitely watch it again.  Try to dance and sing AWAY from any mirrors or art in your house.


  1. So Madame, what is the new color? I am sorry that you made yourself work all weekend, but you will have a fabulous living room when you are finished... xo

  2. The new color - after much deliberation - is BM's Elephant Tusk. I'll update when I'm done. It is, sadly, pretty fun. ; )

  3. I been working too. Then again I NEVER rest. I'm a motherfuckin beast! And really stupid. Actually im only trying to get shit done cause come Sep 25 I will drop off blogland and life for a while. Gears of War 3!!!!!! Actually I might never come back.

    I like that nook, black lamp is cool! And I fucking love kitty. White is always the safest color. That's why I repainted every room white. Would you ever do white?

  4. You're right - you NEVER rest! That's why you're always bringing the good shit. I will have to soak up as much of you and the wiener as possible while you're on hiatus. PLEASE COME BACK!

    Black lamp is IKEA girl! Git u one! I would find it hard to do straight white but the kitchen is basically white and this color is pretty damn light - but against zombie pit stain every color looks white!

    I think you can make white look awesome - I don't think I have that much talent...

  5. I'm so goal-oriented that I see 3 days in a row the same way. However, I forced myself to party it up, and went to see my Dad (a 5 hour drive). Now I am back home, battling ants. Does taking everything out of the pantry, then doing ant battle, then replacing everything that is still edible count as making magic happen?

  6. Last summer, I started painting rooms and didn't stop until January. It was brutal. Those do-it-in-a-day painters are hateful liars. When I finally put all the paint away, I stopped. Stopped. I haven't even scraped the paint off my windows. Yes, I'm stupid. I badly need to finish up every project I've ever started. And paint my hallway and bathrooms. But, I figure I need a solid year of rest before the next paint job. :-)

    I love BM's elephant tusk. It's looking great!!

  7. Alexandra - Yes! Party it up! And I think we make magic happen every day in thousands of small ways - battling ants or a drinking problem. That's my Oprah comment of the day. Hope you had fun murdering tons of ants. I would. DIE fuckers!!

    susie q - Ooh girl I hear that! I don't know how the hell people can take one can of paint and in just a few short hours magically transform a room! Barf. This shit's hard. I do like you - I paint and paint and paint until I can't paint anymore and then go on strike for several years. I'm just coming out of a painting hibernation - hence all this work.

    I'll make sure to post after pics of all this tusky glory!!