Thursday, August 18, 2011

Tennessee Honey is my new weekend type of fabulosity. Without the shame.

I was subjected to watching an actual commercial online the other day because I couldn't figure out how to X out of the screen fast enough.  I'm glad my reflexes happened to be slow because it turns out it was a commercial for Jack Daniel's.  But not just any regular Jack - a new flava called Tennessee Honey!  Hey hey heeeyyyy!!

Tennessee Honey is now my new 1-900 sex line name and it looks DELICIOUS.  And that's a big deal because I don't even drink dark liquor anymore.

After my early twenties I really can't do much whiskey.  It smells like vinyl booths and shame.  Not my shame - I'm a good girl!  It smells like other people's shame and other people's shame always smells way worse than your own.  Kinda like body odor.  At least you can temper your own stench with the sweet smell of self-righteous pity and abject longing one only experiences in a bar but heaven still can't make a Yankee Candle big enough to mask it completely.  That's including their bestselling 'MacIntosh Apple I Heart America, Katy Perry and Cracker Barrel' scent.  Needless to say I stick to clear spirits and biscuits and gravy. 

The commercial featured the Stone Foxes cover of I'm a King Bee which I rather dig.  

This version sounds like it might work equally well for a vibrator commercial (note to self: After 'Sunday side of life' outdoor furniture line design a line of sex toys! Do not enlist Pantone's color advice.) or something 1-900-TN-HONEY would listen to while getting inspired for work.  If you thought I was to cool to actually post a song from a commercial you'd be wrong.  You can listen to the original version on your own time.  

I don't know when the Stone Foxes turned into the Black Keys but least now I won't confuse them with the Stone Roses which I always get mixed up about and wonder 'why is 1994 coming back to sell be booze and do I really care?'  I didn't even start drinking until 1997 2001 as per the law.  

That's all I got really today...

Just booze, blues and bees...

*awkward silence*

That was a really long post about getting drunk and sex toys that gives you absolutely no worthwhile information or inspiration but this is pretty much what my brain sounds like all the damn time.  Welcome to my world.  

But now I AM rather inspired by booze and blues and bees so here's some honey-colored love for you:

I'm lazy and just linking to my Pinterest... sorry.  But here it is.



How'd this get here...??



Nika Toroptsova via iiiinspired


Pretty sure I've posted this before but it deserves a repost...

Sadly, I can't wear this color because if it comes anywhere near my skin tone a unicorn shits dead babies so I'll have to just embody the spirit of honey. 

By drinking it...

So I hope my weekend is going to sound like blues and honey (does that just mean sticky?).  I've got some really sex, drugs and rock and roll things planned too like painting some furniture, tossing my hair, laundry, getting my oil changed and other sessy honey-inspired things which I can't think of because see note above about being a good girl.  

I might possibly break my ban and try some Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey - I think I feel a No Expectations party coming on...

[MS sidebar: can you believe that 1-900-TN-HONEY works out perfectly to be a phone number?  This is fate!  Somebody call it!  I would lose my shit if my phone actually rang....!]


  1. I'm noticing the conspicuous absence of comments on this post. Perhaps drunkenness, vinyl booths, shame, toys are the abyss looking into those who are looking into it (it's an obscure reference to Nietzsche). But not for me! I say embrace your shame, relish it :) You are right though it's nearly impossible to relish other people's shame.

    The Stone Foxes are great.

    Doll head hair is even better.


  2. Ha! I guess my posts can't all be winners... ; )

    You get two cool points for the Nietzsche reference even though I'm a bit astounded that someone who reads Nietzsche actually reads this blog too. And on purpose. I be smart. I also be embracing my shame too! Well I try... it IS shame after all!

    I think for Halloween I've got to work in some doll head hair for shits and giggles.

  3. Oh this post wins. But even so, I raise my glass to it being wrong in all the right ways : )

    My glass may get filled with Tennessee Honey, but more than likely it'll be some form of Tequilla. Like you, I've an aversion to whiskey, though I suppose you could classify Tequilla as mexican whiskey - once it's aged to the golden hue of "honey" : )

  4. Let's drink to wrong in all the right ways! Although I cheated and already drank because I just came home from imbibing a bit of "Mexican whiskey" for dinner this evening... It was right in all the right ways!

  5. A little late to the comment party, but I just bought and sampled some Tennessee Honey JD and its pretty damned tasty -- with diet coke, cuz only an alcoholic would drink it by itself right? Ahem. Now, where did I put that damned shot glass...

  6. I still haven't had a chance to sample some... : ( But it's a good thing you're so close so I can come over and raid your alcoholic closet!