Sunday, April 22, 2012

Madame Sunday comparison shops...

So I'm casually flipping through a Chiasso catalog the other day (it wasn't mine, I swear, officer!) and ran across a bullet planter:

Got its name because it was originally designed to store bullets during wartime. True story. (not)
Since Chiasso is like the kings of chromey knockoffs, I was surprised to find their planter was $188. My general understanding was that knockoffs were supposed to be cheaper versions of better designs for all us poor trashy people... was the original planter made of diamond fiberglass farmed from the Fortress of Solitude and I didn't know?! 

So I did some research - aka, I went to DWR to look at their bullet planters because odds are they are definitely carrying the goods.
Yep. same one.
And they are.  And it's $165.  DA FUCK?  

My eyes must be deceiving me because that's some crazy shit.  Thanks to DWR's blurb - because I can't really be bothered to wiki right now because I'm watching more Doctor Who - I learned that the original bullet planter design from the 50s wasn't able to be trademarked because the original designer was never known. Several companies ended up manufacturing them previously and it looks like it's the same situation now.

And DWR is the CHEAPER version.  I think the Modern world as we know it just spun out of control.  Kinda wish the globe sat on a giant bullet planter stand to keep us upright in situations just like this.

But wait, dear friends!  I did spend 3 additional seconds googling for your edutainment and found that you can get one from Pastence for $155 if you MUST have one and are desperate to save $10.  

I would rather someone slap me repeatedly in my vagina than pay that much money for a planter but maybe if you're the Donald Trump of Modern design or only have room in your life for a single, solitary planter and this one makes your heart tingle, then by all means buy yourself one.  For $155.

OR you could do like me and be awesome and rescue a bullet's cooler cousin from a junk store for $20:

This one not intended for bullets.  Ninja throwing stars probably though.
It's brassy and the ceramic planter is ruffled AND glazed with this saucy metallic spatter at the top which is like a little peek-a-boo behind my Pothos leaves.  A plant that I haven't killed yet.  I'm proud not only of my thrifting prowess but also my super neon green thumb.  

So what have we recently learned other than I can eat half a pan of brownies in 23 hours?  We learned that at least bullet planters are somewhat consistently overpriced according to me and that you should not, under any circumstances, buy something from Chiasso without shopping around and maybe slapping yourself in the vagina a few times first. 


  1. Power to the internets! You whoever designed that bad boy is up in heaven PISSED. He's looking down, screaming "Bastards!" and generally annoying the winged ones.

    Is it wrong that since my house is one long room I want a taller more anorexic version of the bullet planter? Y'know, like fashion models and shit--all leg and small bowl. From an engineering point of view they probably wouldn't be as stable and fall over a lot. Much like models.

    1. I'm like the Sherlock Holmes of modern shopping!

      Proportion, models. Get some.

      PS Ebay has tons of knockoffs so I bet you could find a weirdly taller one there!

  2. Unlike the piece you did on super sexy water bottles, I'm not feeling the need for a bullet planter. Of course, that is probably because you ridiculed it. Had you been pro bullet planter, I'd have been powerless to resist. Thanks for mocking.

    1. I'm only pro-bullet planter when it's super cheap. I'm just looking out for your wallet, after all.