Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Water bottles so hot no one will notice your drinking problem.

As you can see from my big bleeding liberal heart, this Madame is all about saving endangered azaleas (in my yard) and boosting the body image of baby pandas everywhere. You can say I'm a real environmentalist.  I'll share my panda self esteem tips next time so we can talk about another important issue close to my tender heart: 
We've all seen the 'Women Struggling to Drink Water' at The Hairpin, right?
Water bottles.  

The thing that's ALWAYS in my left hand when I'm carrying my phone in my right.  They don't go in my purse (or pockehbook depending on your degree of Southernality) on my shoulder, they need to be easily accessible for instantaneous rehydration and to never miss an Instagram opportunity.  

I also keep my keys looped on a finger so I jingle when I walk so I also sound important and let people know I could leave at ANY second if this place isn't cool enough.  These items are my boughie badges.  

But I decided a few months ago that I'm done with the BPA-free plastic mess.  We had some good times at the farmer's market and floating down the Chattahoochee River together but all granola things must come to an end.  

My paranoid bleeding liberal tender nature tells me that just because we haven't run the study on what part of BPA-free plastic will give us cancer doesn't mean it's not there and causing a ridonkulous mess in our systems that I need to obsess over and web MD plastic cancer a billion times.  If I learned anything in the Girl Sunday Scouts it's to be prepared and never trust science you can't safely lick reapeatedly.

So you know what I like?  Glass.  There is nothing in it that's dangerous.  It's made of silica and crystalized angel saliva and neither of those have ever caused cancer in laboratory studies.  

After much research I now have two options I can recommend to you if you're interested in upgrading your boughie badge.  I'm a picky Madame so you can rest assured I've evaluated these quite thoroughly with my super sciencey brain.  Neither company is involved in any way and I'm just doing this because I want you to have nice things.  I also want you to avoid plastic cancer.

First up is the Takeya water bottle

Blogged about this little guy before.
It's a slim 22 oz and fits in your hand nicely especially if you have delicate lady paws like this blogger.  It comes with a silicone sleeve in a rainbow of colors so knock yourself out. The sleeve helps with grip, condensation and insulation because I don't drink anything without ice because it's the South y'all. It's fuckin hot.  I need ice.  Preferably crushed.  

[MS Sidebar: don't you hate how in Europe that none of their drinks come with ice?  I never feel refreshed.  If you ask for ice they give you one cube in a bowl. We're not reenacting 9 and 1/2 Weeks, Franck.  Give me a bucket full of ice, gawddamit.  MS Sidebar-within-a-Sidebar: don't you hate it when people talk about Europe like they are soo over it?  19-yr-old white trash me hates 31-yr-old Europe-judging me.]

It's like a rainbow wherever I go.
I also like the fixed carrying handle although it's a bit heavy to hang from your carabiner even though I KNOW you want to, hippies.  Other good points include a substantial lip which I happen to like, you can throw the whole thing in the dishwasher and it just generally looks cooler than every other person's water bottle.  I win at style.

Con: Because of the sleeve you can't see when it's full until it's FULL and often water will overflow a bit and hide in the grooves and sleeve and you only discover this when you take a drink in front of a group of a large group of people and pour water all down your front which is totally NOT my fault.  It's like Takeya is trying to start wet tshirt contests all over the country.  NICE TRY, Y'ALL!  I wear a bib at all times anyway so the joke's on you!  Perverts.

Option number 2 is the 17 oz Aquaovo Therm-O bottle.  

via Reusit
Technically it's a thermos.  Yeah, I know.  That's one sexy thermos.  It's insulated with double walls of borosilicate glass which is what they make beakers and Pyrex out of.  Look at how much I googled things!  Double walls mean ZERO sweating for icy beverages and although I haven't tried it with a hot drink I can attest it does seem to maintain coolness longer.  

It also comes with a removable strainer that just sits inside the lip so you can brew your own tea IN THE BOTTLE with the lid on.  Aquaovo won the Best of Product Design for Interior Design in 2009 so I don't need to tell you how much you will want to make out with this when you get it.
Merry Chimass to me!  Makeout soon followed.
Other things I like is its simple shape and the super wide mouth for easy cleaning and lots of ice and I think we know how I feel about large quantities of ice.

Con: One day when I using it in public someone jokingly asked me if I was drinking out of an olive jar.  I drink out of mason jars all the time so this isn't an insult to me.  In fact, I can't think of anything better to represent my style than a super sexy modern water bottle that pays homage to my Southern mason jar roots.  But if this isn't your style I'd recommend keeping the lid nearby.

In related news: I have no idea where the lids are to either of these bottles.  There should be a GPS tracker chip installed or some kind of shoelace/tether/umbilical cord attachment.  I hope they are just at home in my utensil drawer but honestly, I lost a bowl of bacon today while driving home so I don't have a lot of faith in myself.  

I'm not too worried because the most strenuous activity that I do with these bottles is trudge through the aisles of a dodgey thrift store which is probably exactly how the designers envisioned them being used.

In summation, I give my saucy stamp of approval to both options.  It's really just a matter of personal preference - I tend to use the Takeya more for travelling but use the Aquaovo as my default drinking glass at home or work but both are in heavy rotation.  

I ordered both from Fab so they were a little cheaper than the prices listed on their home sites.  More investment than a Nalgene but worth it.  I may have to trudge through a few more aisles at the thrift store but I earned another Girl Sunday Scout boughie badge of Environmentalism and Design.

Baby pandas, I'm coming for you next!


  1. You lost a bowl of bacon? Even though I'm a vegetarian, I still think it's very bad ju-ju to lose bacon. I'm now depressed. As to those water bottles, I'm with you. The plastic ones are NOT good for you. And I'd know, because I've melted hundreds in the dishwasher. My kids won't let me even open the water bottle drawer anymore. My son actually has a glass water bottle in a bamboo case. He's such a retro-hippie.

    1. Yeah I don't know about the bacon either but I'm really sad about it. But the water bottles make me happy. Glad to know I'm not the only one with weird feelings about 'safe' plastic.

  2. I'm drinking water out of a glass glass right now. you'd be so proud! are the glass water bottles heavier than plastic ones?

    1. High five for glass glass! Yes these are a little heavier (the Takeya more than the Aquaovo surprisingly) but the difference is so small it's not really an issue. Maybe if you're hiking every day or walking across the desert it might be a pain in the ass but for my grueling day getting in and out of the car it's not a problem. Thanks Katie!

  3. Borosilicate = Awesome!

    It looks like the Takeya might fit into the bottle cage on my trusty aluminum steed.


    1. Well, well! Maybe it'll make the bike race of a billion miles with you then!

  4. OMgolly, but this is the funniest and best product discussion I have yet to read (aside from the ones my sis and I wrote, of COURSE! - That's non southern humility for you). Not that I am rushing out like water caught in the sleeve of your bottle to buy more water bottles as I already have 20+. But still, haa haa aha aaaaaa gack (K)

    1. See, if you bought ONE glass water bottle maybe you wouldn't need so many! Environmentalism. I know things about it.

      Thanks, Kymberly. ; )

  5. That Takeya bottle is pure awesome... What will my banging awesome Tervis think if I cheat on it? Will the sorostitutes judge me?!

    1. On to bigger and better things, Tervis! Sorostitutes are usually so drunk they probably wouldn't even notice. Besides, they wouldn't recognize good taste if it roofied them. (That was probably in bad taste...)