I'm just excited I used 'proboscis' in a sentence!

Grab your passports, sauce guzzlers, and let's take an architectural field trip!  It is a long way away.  Bring extra sauce for hydration.

I really have no idea what 'sauce' is in this scenario.

Regardless, welcome to Ethiopia!   Specifically the Southwest corner.  Here's a map cuz if you're like me (a dumb American) you don't know where that is.  But we should because very nice buildings are happening there.

Here

I am died.  The Dorze people are known for their distinctive dwellings that are completely unique to them and pretty fuckawesome.  That is a technical term I pulled Arch Daily.

More great travel pics at Line Shape Color

They are also known for having the best weaving in Ethiopia so right now the Dorze are batting a thousand for the design team.  I'm not even on the field in regards to such complicated design activities so I'm waving my giant foam finger for them.

The buildings are made of basket-woven shell of bamboo and then finished with 'false banana' leaves.  Fake bananers be good for sumthin.

Here

Who doesn't love a process shot?!  I'm a little blown away by the amount of leaves that are involved.  Fortunately there aren't any windows to work around.

Here  Separate partitions for the animals, I believe.

The entire structure is surprisingly large measuring about 25-30 feet tall.  Based on my calculations that's about seven square miles of leaves.  The reason they are designed so tall is for more than just a great chandelier.  The walls sit directly on the ground and termites eat the building from the floor up.

You'd think this would create massive structural problems but in fact it just causes the homes to get shorter.  They start out so tall so they can shrink over decades.  That's right, they build in their own aging solution.  The homes get shorter and cuter over time.  It's like they're the Benjamin Buttons of architecture!

And they do last decades - sometimes up to 100 years.  If the termite problem does get overwhelming or they want a new view the entire building can even be moved with the help of some friendly neighbors and lots of rope.

Here I love the landscaping around the perimeter of the homes too. Perfection.

But damn, the termites seem friendlier in Africa, right?  I have to get termite treatments every eight years so my house doesn't cave in on itself and leave me in dust but in Africa you have decades.  DECADES.  Africa might have killer bees but we have asshole termites.

My favorite part about the structures is that they have a very anthropomorphic quality.  Once you see the face you can't UNsee it.

Here

The "eyes" are the air vents and also release the smoke from the cooking/heating fire.  The "nose" acts as the entrance vestibule and can be very large (like the very first picture) and then as the entire structure shrinks the nose gets smaller and they cut the doorway larger.  

I found out that the "face" does have an explanation that's not just related to function, however.  This region of Ethiopia used to have lots of elephants so the homes pay homage to them with their grey skin and large proboscis.  AND NOW I LOVE THEM EVEN MORE.  

Here

You can't UNsee it now either!  Look at its wittle head!  

I'm not sure if that little anecdote is true or something they just tell the white people taking pictures but I love so it's true.

And you better get in your elephant love now because I heard Tim Burton is going to be directing a new Dumbo so get ready for Johnny Depp to piss all over your childhood.  Childhood memories of hysterical sobbing over that movie but whatever.

After you finish writing an angry letter to Disney, I highly recommend you take a look at this video tour of a Dorze home for a more complete picture.  The guide shows his grandfather's 92-year-old home in case you thought I was lying about their ages.

However, I should admit I have weird feelings about getting a tour of a home currently inhabited by people.  People who are just outside the door...  Is it just me?

Now, I'm guilty of stopping in the road and taking a picture of someone's home and I'm blogging about the Dorze so maybe I shouldn't be the moral compass here.  But are these little tours just catering to rich tourists or maybe it's like some version of colonial Williamsburg except not colonial but CURRENT?  Or are the people that open up their homes to tourists the design bloggers of Ethiopia?  Maybe they WANT to show off their houses.  

I'm not saying I don't want to see them but I am aware that I saw pictures of the same two structures (three pictures up) over and over again.  I'm not sure I know the correct answer to these questions and maybe I should pull out my books on vernacular architecture more than once a decade.  *cough*  I was almost smart in college...

Regardless, I hope tourists are absolutely throwing money at them for every last bit of their beautiful weaving.

Now I feel kinda uncomfortable about the implications of vernacular architectural tourism so let's look at some more baby elephants until we are obliviously comfortable again!

Baby elephants welcome in my home anytime!

I'm dreaming... of a DARK Christmas.

I don't know about y'all but I'm thoroughly enjoying my Christmas season so far.  

CHRIIIISSSTTTTMAAASSSS!

The key was getting all my shopping done sooo early - pretty much right at the start of December AS INDICATED BY MY WINTER BUCKET LIST WAY TO GO, SAUCY!  I have zero stress and have spent way less money overall since holiday shopping is usually a "one for you, two for me" event.  Now I'm spending that money on charity!

And socks.

Not my feet but whoever's feetsies these are remains unknown

I don't know why I'm addicted to socks and legwarmers this season but I am.  Maybe have toasty warm lower extremities is the reason I'm so sunshiney right now.  

That and I'm spending all my not-shopping time crafting and listening to Luther Vandross Christmas music.  It's a recipe for spiritual success, I tell ya.  My preferred Christmas music is, surprisingly, gospel and Tevin Campbell's 'O Holy Night' is my favorite holiday song hands down.  I might be a godless heathen but who can resist a full choir and an early 90's R&B sensation?  

But even Luther Vandross' smooth velvet voice may not be enough for some people.  Look, I get it.  Christmas is not everyone's favorite time of year and it can be a real shit show triggerfest of misery for a lot of people.  It's all about family and money and display and religion and religious display and that's everyone's perfect storm of emotional issues with some crippling financial debt sprinkled on top and you have to pretend to love it all or you are labeled a grinch.  (Probably by me.)  

I'm certainly not immune to my own brand melancholy this time of year either despite my large amounts of glitter and feeling like I want to hug everything.  An overly tacky light show or a nice lady in a Santa hat at Big Lots might reduce me to tears and I'm not 100% sure they're always tears of joy.  

Whatever kind of melancholy or emotional trapeze work we're all doing, it's not all jolly all the time.  Maybe this is why I've been enjoying the recent rise in popularity of another sunshiney Christmas face: Krampus.

here

In old European folklore, St. Nick came and rewarded all the good kids and Krampus, his horned holiday partner, kidnapped all the bad kids took them straight to hell.  I guess... I don't know where he took them but that's a pretty good guess.  Maybe the South Pole?

Doesn't that sounds a lot more exciting than Elf on the Shelf?  Europeans did not fuck around.  

Every year in the beginning of December some European towns celebrate Krampusnacht where drunk dudes dress up in their most beastly attire and terrorize the streets in a big parade.  Just like baby Jesus would have wanted!  Maybe they were trying to get to the manger but got lost.  

here

It's like SantaCon but less scary.

I'm liking this live action kind of Christmas terror.  It's the perfect combination of Halloween and Christmas.  It worked for Tim Burton and it can work for us too.

Speaking of Halloween, I also learned recently of the Christmas spider - do y'all know this Ukrainian story?  About how spiders spun webs all over a poor woman's Christmas tree and when Santa (or the Christ child, depending on which version you read) saw the webs he turned them into silver strands.  And that's why we put tinsel on our tree.  True (internet) story.  Spiders are actually a sign of good fortune on Christmas morning so put THAT in your eggnog and drink it.

So maybe the key to an enjoyable holiday that doesn't make you question your worthless existence (if you even choose to celebrate) is to not pretend the sadness and dark places and gross spiders don't exist but instead to embrace them like Santa's other half and maybe give them a parade.  For historical reasons and our own sanity. Like Civil War reenactors but for mythology.  (Probably shouldn't embrace a spider though.)

So that's what I'm doing this year - having a dark Christmas.  It's still glittery and shiny and fun but I'm making an effort to have more balance.

(That's partly because I still have a giant tree all decorated in white and sparkle that I'm not trashing just for a completely goth holiday this year.)

(Just a goth Rudolph.)

here

Looking straight into your black soul.

I'm highlighting plenty of skulls and horns and fur as part of my dark decorating but I think including quiet, velvety colors and morose Instagram filters will work just as nicely.

Elle Chavez

Perhaps celebrate your tacky, pathetic tree.  Then abandon it in the wild. 

unknown

Or don't decorate at all and stare longingly through your neighbor's window and watch their festivities and happy lives like the neighborhood creeper you are. 

here

Perhaps delight in your garden variety death and decay.

But if all that ain't your bag just enjoy some blackened jewel tones and dulcet sounds of Luther Vandross and drink egg nog spiked with Fireball until you black out.

Saffron cinnamon wreath (yum!) via Call Me Cupcake

I would like to eat this until I black out as well.  I've never cooked with saffron but even if it's terrible a satin ribbon can do wonders.

here

It's all about the lighting.  

Skimbaco Lifetyle

And snuggles next to the lighting.

Khado Photography

I am kinda feeling this wintery picnic idea (don't question the green grass).  It's like a Dutch still life brought to, um, real life.  It's full of dying flowers and skulls and pewter finishes and candles but also a yummy festive feast!

Lara Jensen millinery works

Merry Christmas, sad Dutch girl!

[MS sidebar: after I had collected all the images for this post I discovered the photographer above, Lara Jensen, was inspired by 'vanitas' or Dutch still life paintings for this collection and photo shoot.  Zing!  I like synchronicity.  It makes me feel like I'm not crazy.  Or crazy in the right ways.]

So a momento mori/vanitas holiday it is!

Beth Kirby of Local Milk

I don't remember art history that well but I think everything in a still life meant something... skull is mortality (thanks overpriced college degree for that stunning deduction!), rotting flowers meant something... timely?  Citrus meant something too but I'm choosing to be blissfully ignorant here and celebrate citrus for its seasonal charm instead.  #pomanders

here

You know what else has seasonal charm?  Crocheted ornaments from your memaw starched so stiff they could be used as ninja throwing stars.  I love them. I'm not sure how Krampus feels about them but I think he'd approve.

Do you see the yule goat on the right? here

Actually, I'm not sure how I got from Krampus to Luther Vandross to Dutch still life to your memaws talents but it all makes sense in my head.

here

More satin bows...  For some reason these limp bows are making me exceptionally happy and/or sad this year.  Or am I the only one that is projecting picking up some emotion here kinda like crying at the nice Christmas lady at Big Lots?  It's a weird time of year.

here

Regardless of your feelings about satin bows, cheers to making all our lonely, depressed, overtaxed, overfed and undervalued moments have a little color.  It's our holiday prayer this year.  

Who do we pray to?  Krampus, obvi.

Soho Interiors

Or to the Pinterest gods that all our crafts and saffron bread wreaths will turn out divine.

Go home and get your dark on.

This makes me exceedingly happy.

Unknown source but I would really like to know for obvious reasons...

May you enjoy a robust Thanksgiving or Friendsgiving or normal Thursday that's as glorious as this once great emu.  

Ostrich...?  

FIREPLACE BIRD GOD.

Sofa [Lion] King Pretty Rooms.

I saw some good things this week here on the interwebkins.  Also, I had a really good quesadilla.  A fine week indeed.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who felt like sharing this week as the One Room Challenge folks also debuted their goodies.  I haven't seen all of them but this one did catch my eye at Holtwood Hipster:

I thought that wall was green at first and was excited/jealous!  Turns out it's black but I approve this lady's use of texture.  And I think she MADE some pretty bitchin nightstands.  

I didn't even iron my pillowcases...

Design Manifest continues to slay for me and wins the before and after hands down.

Always nice to see a blogger/designer that uses things like "floorplans" and "schematics" too.

I doubt this next room was sponsored by Lamps Plus or done in six weeks but I'm having some deep emotions about this sofa.

Parisian apartment by Pierre Yovanovitch here

What's the point when a 'couch' becomes a 'sofa?'  Is it a dollar mark?  Should every 'couch' actually be a 'sofa' and only rednecks like me say 'couch?'  I guess technically any place I couch my ass is a 'sofa' even if it's a soggy cardboard box in a rectangular shape.

I kinda want to plop down face first like a big blonde inchworm and scoot down its serpentine curves.  Just me?

If I was a big blonde lion would they let me scoot around on the couch then?

Tummy rubs for your weekend!

(Editor's note: I made myself laugh so damn hard with today's title so if you are lost this might help.  Or maybe it's only funny to me which is most likely the case.)

Architecture for cats who can't see good.

As discussed last week, in lieu of important landscaping I bought I new dorky glasses.  It was kind of a spur of the moment decision but I think we can all agree they look pretty good.

The irony that all eyeball-challenged people will understand is that in an attempt to update my prescription, I currently can't see shit with my new lenses.  My depth perception is like trying to drive on Rainbow Road inside an actual kaleidoscope after funneling a gallon of Fireball.  When I encounter a curb or a stair or just a change in floor materials I have to first paw at it with my foot like a drunken show pony to make sure I don't plummet to my death.  

Haha just kidding I fall all the time no matter what glasses I'm wearing.  (Fortunately when I fell this weekend - trying to dig more holes in my yard, of course - it was behind a bush so I was shielded from the neighbors.  But not shielded from the sandpapery brick of my foundation...)

So I'm trying to wear them around the house but if I turn my head too fast I think I travel to another dimension.  

It's been a weird day.  

Perhaps it's my vision or perhaps my questionable taste in design but I'm not sure how I really feel about this lakeside villa designed by Viennese architect Alexander Diem.

Do I like it or can I not really see it?  Having a hard time focusing...  

Well it's the first modern house that I've seen in awhile with actual landscaping so that's good.  Or is that a very small circus in front?  Did these glasses also come with acid?

Now THIS I do like.  At least I'm pretty sure I do when I squint...  From what I gathered from the apparent shapes and hieroglyphics that are trying to be words at Dezeen, the wood screen surrounding the house creates privacy while allowing for light because we live "in a time which supposedly knows no privacy."  *makes jacking off motion while rolling my crossed eyes*

Shutters are, as we all know, a completely modern invention as all people before 1947 were savages who ran around nekkid all the time and had to poop in communal troughs in the city square.

Those poor celebrity women who had their nude photos stolen just needed an intricately carved screen around their iClouds.

Apparently my impaired vision makes me bitchy as well as dizzy.

via Dezeen

The fretwork is said to highlight harvest themes in keeping with traditional Alpine style detailing and I do admit to totally squeeing over it.  This is what I would classify as a modern gingerbread house.  And since it's half fairy tale, half art history, half drunk on new glasses, I can't be wrong!

I'm thinking Hansel and Gretel are graphic designers lost in the forest.  Led to the house by the promise of powerful wifi and gluten-free snacks, they immediately Instagrammed the shit out of such an architectural beauty.  An evil witch had unfortunately lured them to the villa to steal their iPhone 6+s but they were able to bludgeon her to death with them instead and escaped to talk about kerning or some shit.

I'm really good at fairy tales and relevant pop culture references.

Not so much at architectural criticism.

Kittehs here

Or is it the other way around?

Ugly Sweaters and Haunted Handbags...Thrifting: The Movie.

I like the simple things in life: the brown crust at the bottom of the pan when you overcook rice, not having to wait in line at Costco to pump gas, and the thrill of buying worthless shit from thrift stores at rock bottom prices.

After a No-Spend February where I didn't frivolous shop at all and a previous six months of abstaining from from buying junk for my house I've fallen off the wagon.  Or got back on the wagon?  I'm not sure which one...  

Either way I've been hitting the thrifting bottle hard and sluttin' it up in junk stores all across the land.

That's an old X-ray machine in my favorite dive thrift store.

So much cobwebbed junk and dismembered crotches, so little time.  

But I've gotten a lot of really good jazz so let's inventory a bunch of things I bought that I TOTALLY needed in my life.

Scored a sweet little quilted pleather pursette and some Danish salad servers from an estate sale.  I'm really into white right now so this is really working for my white witch Spring look.  And I'm always into 60 yr old Danes so that was a no-brainer.

My favorite sexual position: clumsy dry humping.

I also didn't think twice about this Japanese erotic print for less than $10.  It's not even showing any genitalia so I think it's like the soft focus romantic porn of shunga so it's safe for my walls.  You're welcome, Mom.

I'm a little obsessed with baskets from the thrift stores and I thought this one could work on my dresser for jewelry and sparkly things.  Or for .59 dirty socks or something.

This little vintage birdie is for a Christmas gift (oh yes - I shop early, y'all).  The cool part is that it's from a local non-profit - the Orange Grove Center - which is an organization that helps the developmentally disabled and is a fun piece of local history.

When I got home I flipped it over and saw this sticker...

It says Orange Grove Center for Retarded Children on it... :-///////  

But THIS other piece of pottery doesn't make me uncomfortable at all:

It says 'Made in Italy' on the bottom and I think it's a clumsy Bitossi knockoff but it's super cute and will fit nicely in that cabinet of junk in background.

It's only black and white because all the color pictures looked terrible for some reason.

Ok technically this one isn't from a thrift store BUT I found a knockoff Arne Jacobsen's AJ lamps at a local bargain/closeouts store.  The original is about $900+, the normal knockoff price is $200 on Amazon, this one was marked to $100 at the store with 80% off.  So like $20.  Honestly, I just wanted to brag about the price.  Even the cashier made me ring the 'bargain bell' because it was such a good deal.   

It was probably the best moment of my entire life.

Back to used merchandize...

This tiny cup planter has a cartoon fiddle leaf fig on the front and directions for how to care for one on the back. But a fiddle leaf fig won't fit in the cup so what the...?  I'll put a succulent in it.

Found this 'geode' labelled as 'rock' for $2.  Silly booth owner.  I also couldn't resist this book solely for the bright green cover and embossed image.  I felt immediately it's my new mascot.  

After a little hunting and advice from a smart person, I think it's an image of Branwen which means 'white-breasted raven' or something like that.  I really AM feeling the white lately!  The ancient Welsh worshipped her as the daughter of the sea (but she's a bird?)... I don't know.  It's hard to find information on her because Branwen is the name of some slightly pornographic anime character and that's all that comes up when you google an image. 

Apparently I'm subconsciously all about Japanese erotica lately as well.

I mean, apart from my deep and undying lust for tentacle porn, OBVIOUSLY.

When I'm not channeling my new bird/lady/sea queen, I'm buying even MOAR vintage purses and skulls.

When you see a good skull and grandma purse for cheap, you are physically obligated to take them home with you.

Question: should you smudge a purse that was purchased at an estate sale or at a yard sale from a person that is most likely dead?  I can buy their furniture but things from their closet seems a bit more personal.

Pretty okay with not needing to smudge the skull.

Oh look!  Even more pottery!  It's a problem...

I love to find vintage pottery made by random people - probably your single eccentric aunt in the '70s who also was really into macrame - when they carve their name on the bottom with a toothpick.  Good job, Suzie.

I'm starting to feel the urge to carve my name into something with a toothpick and might end up taking a pottery class soon.  How single eccentric aunt of me!

I'm also pretty stoked about this brass planter WITH LITTLE TINY LEGS.  

THEY'RE LITTLE TINY LEGS!!!  

So much squee.

In related brassitude, I had to have the picture solely for the frame.

Sorry, terrible 1992 boat picture of random origin. You're gonna get the boot soon and replaced with something probably black and abstract.

But it's not all house stuff.  I have picked up a few vintage dresses.

Those midi-length dresses that are making the rounds are really piquing my interest and, low and behold, vintage dresses are the perfect length!  I've yet to wear them out but I think they might see the light of day again this Spring.

But some things have to stay packed away until next winter...

How am I supposed to resist a sweater with mirrors?!?!?!?

Please someone have a terrible white person ugly sweater party so I have a reason to wear this.  I can't tell if it'd be ironic or unironic but it has shoulder pads and I have leggings so...

Aaaand now I'm done shopping for a while.  

Unless something else has REALLY TINY BRASS LEGS and then I'm not responsible for what happens to my wallet.

But thrifting isn't all about ugly sweaters and haunted handbags, it's about friendship.

Here's Buford.  My new best friend that lives at one of my junk malls.  She happily climbed on my finger and promptly said 'peekaboo' to me a few times and then my heart melted and died next to a table of vintage Pyrex.  The store owner was nice enough to snap a picture of Buford giving me kisses on my cheek and it literally made my entire month.

See?  Thrifting isn't always about the dirty dealings of money.  It's about friendship and playing peekaboo with animals.

And also cheap cow skullz.