Thursday, February 25, 2010

Rode hard and put away wet

If you didn't know (and why would you, really) I love horses.  They are well-muscled machines of beauty and power but they have the souls of poets.  Just like Madame Sunday really.  
Ray Hartl
Sometimes we even have the same skin tone...

Now I know that I grew up around the corner from a couple of dueling banjos but I have never actually ridden a horse if that surprises you.   Well... I did ride a pony at the county fair once but it was disastrous so I'm not counting it.  During a rare family outing I spotted the tent advertising pony rides and my usually dormant inner princess was determined to ride just like in the fairy tales.  There was a small group of sad little horses tethered to a giant cog of some sort that they circumnavigated like some carousel of perpetual doom on a shit covered floor.  Well all them other nimble country chilrens just hopped up on their donkeys of death like they were climbing some horrendous smelling mangy jungle gym.  I think I made eye contact with my fine equine specimen and he asked me with his big sad eyes to please stab him in the heart with the tip of my empty cotton candy cone to end it all quickly.  Well after an assisted suicide request I couldn't very well just carlessly hop onto his back so I stood there struggling for a few minutes between my 8-yr-old dream to ride a pony and my budding liberal sense of duty to help those who couldn't help themselves.  That and I was using the wrong foot to hoist my funnel-cake laden ass on the saddle.  The anxiety and embarrassment were increasing exponentially by every smelly second until the carnie in charge finally put me out of my misery and helped me up.  Unfortunately the misery for my pony continued.  It was the most awkward, unrewarding and shame-filled 30 second ride of my life.  You can insert your own obligaory dirty sex joke right now if you want but I'll refrain because I'm way classier than that.   

I'm sure moments like that leave absolutely no permanent marks on my psyche whatsoever.  I haven't ridden a horse since and choose to capture them in stunning artistic purgatory on my walls.

As as FYI none of the rooms/photos below look in any way like they were rode hard and put away wet.  I think they were all styled within an inch of their lives but I'm a trickster and made you think this post might have been about whores.  Sadly it's not.  But keep your hopes up - you'll never know what might happen tomorrow!

bedroom of Calvin Klein designer Francisco Costa via Habitually Chic
This has to be one of my favorite bedroom pictures of all time .  I read somewhere that fancy French people used to go watch the studding of horses because it was all beasty and sexy (and gross?) and then go have giant orgies.  I think it was a historical romance novel and since that genre has historical in the title everything in it is 100% factual.  Or maybe they were referring to the man as having anatomical similarities to some part of a horse...  I can't remember exactly.  But I think if you want to have a horse on your walls and don't want the room to look like a trailor from the eighties and but still want to subtly advertise your monster cock you have to go artsy.  And real big (wink, wink).   And go with a sexy color palette...

Ryan Korban's apartment from Domino (?)
Or go retro... (Don't worry about the stupid plant or completely impractical stacks of books - just the horse remember)

sorry I don't have any info on this... any ideas?
Or go casually masculine...

Or cheeky...

Or festive!

Or glam.

Thom Filicia from House Beautiful
I've talked to several people who hate this room BECAUSE of those big beautiful horses photographed by Roberto Dutesco.  Obviously those people are ignorant sluts because I think it's genius and the whole room feels really warm.  But it's okay if you think this room is so staged it hurts or you think I'M the ignorant slut but I just can't help it - I like it.  It's probably because I think Thom hung the moon.  A big giant impeccably decorated moon.  I'll admit I even hated those weird klismos-y chairs for a good six months because they're so awkward and happy yellow and knock-kneed in the back... which is just like a newborn FOAL!!!!   A HA!!!

And THAT is why Thom is a genius.

Eric Roth from Desire to Inspire
Also a Roberto Dutesco photo.  Have you changed your mind about Thom's room yet?  I like white and all but it's sad when your two dimensional artwork has more emotion than your living ro...

Oh sorry I just fell asleep.

Bedroom of the same house from Design New England.  More Dutesco...
Okay that's a little better...

Country Living
This guy is like the Wal-mart greeter of your foyer...  Its a little Mr. Ed but I would definitely say Hi to him when I came home.

If you're in the market for some equine photography for yourself check these out:
Equine Photography by Ray Hartl
More beautiful pics at his website.  And no jokes about 'a horse's ass' - you're better than that. You can get a 30x30 matted print for $600.  11x11 for $95.  Or...

Kelly Angard's photography on her etsy store
8x11 for $30.  Your choice.  I'd prefer, like a 6'x6' but I'm not a millionaire so...

Silence by behappynow 8x10 for $10

Horses by tidytipsy 8x12 for $23

Susan Friedman also has big beautiful photos however now you can get her prints at and Williams Sonoma and that really ruins it for me.  I mean I have been known to buy posters of course but I really didn't want to turn these horses into a design cliche... But I will if I have to.

framed 36" framed photo from Williams Sonoma for $600
That boring frame kinda ruins it for me...

Design Crisis on etsy
This whole post was really so I could talk about this cool print I bought yesterday from one of the bloggesses at Design Crisis.  It's not a photograph I know but it's a big beautiful 3'x3' print that will look nice framed in something gold-y me thinks...  not bad for $75.  Suck on that Williams Sonoma. 

from here
If that won't tide me over I think I'll just have to fork over the easy $200 for this 8'x13' wall mural.  I mean it's horses.  It's really big.  They're running fast.  I'll refer to it as a 'Stampede of Style' and trick out my living room in vintage ironical hipster chic. 

*whispering* But I really just want this one on my wall.  It's like a horse but better because he's in the clouds and glowing.  His horn is touching my soul and it feels good.  I'll just wait here with him until my real prince comes...


  1. yeah we know were you true heart is. You secretly put an imaginary horn on every horse you see. ;)

  2. I don't think you used your whisper voice. My unicorn fetish is supposed to be a secret Shan Shan!!

  3. damn! Totally forgot about the *whisper voice* I think its because I couldn't change the color to gray to give it the true whisper