Squirrels, scarves and squandered time: my winter bucket list!

This summer I created a bucket list to try and make the most of one of my least favorite seasons and guess what?  It worked!  I drained the summer of all its fun times and truthfully felt more "in the moment."  

Turns out that even when I didn't intentionally set out to accomplish certain tasks they kinda worked out for themselves.  This probably has something to do with the 'power of intention' or subconscious something-or-another but I'll take it and not ask questions.

So in light of this roaring sucess, prepare for more seasonal-themed activities in my blogging future.  Like right now...  Here are my plans for this winter.  (It was supposed to be for FALL and Winter but we've already had several below freezing nights so we done passed Fall.)

[MS sidebar: this probably reads pretty boring but I actually do USE it for my own reference.  Blogging - it's like a very public to do list.]

-  Firstly, sneak into Solange's wedding pics DAMMIT THIS LIST IS ALREADY FULL OF FAILURE.

here

-  Secondly, to ward off the seasonal sads I'm going to BURN ALL THE CANDLES all the time.  Sometimes in December I don't see the sunshine because it rises and sets while I'm at work so to bring light into my miserable existence I'm going to burn a disgusting amount of candles and create the sun on my coffee table.  Confession: I bought a lemon mint candle from the Dollar General store for $5 and it's the best thing I ever did you're all getting one for Christmas.

- Threely, I'm finishing all of my Christmas shopping by the end of November because I want to enjoy the entire holiday month.  My list is complete and I've checked it twice and I'm getting the naughty people better gifts.

-  In this attempt to take December from 0 to 100 I'm going to spend my new non-shopping time doing superfun glitter crafts while watching American Horror Story and eating cheese straight from the block.  

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I've got some oranges and cloves and twigs and shit is gonna happen.

-  See every tacky Christmas light show from here to the Mississippi River.  Cry at how beautiful America is.

- I'm going to tackle a fear and bake bread and dessert things like my middle name is Pan-fucking-era. The thing is I'm a terrible baker - I think it's the science of measuring and shit which confounds my tiny brain - but maybe this is the year I turn it around.  Pretzels and loaves and rustic rounds and, hell, maybe this is the time when I'll finally make a decent biscuit!  I will do wonders with flour and yeast!

Finnish pulla (or cardamom) bread

UPDATE: I made my Grandmother's famous yeast rolls that require yeast and kneading and rising and they turned out perfect!  So far so good!  Send me your bread recipes so I can own that shit too!

-  Become best friends with a fat squirrel.

-  I would like to bring my scarf game to the next level.  

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If my infinity scarf doesn't come to below my crotch then what are we even doing, J Crew?  I should probably attempt to learn to knit or crochet for myself but let's be reasonable here - I'm better at shopping on etsy.

My scarf lust was partially inspired by Outlander and that corresponding picture hoard grew too large for this post so let's enjoy some 18th century costumes tomorrow.

-  Put a fat squirrel IN an infinity scarf.  Bonus points if I can get him in a little tiny kilt.

-  Maybe I should aim higher and just become the winter version of the White Witch.

here

-  I might aim for Tilda but I'll land somewhere around a 1980s Zsa Zsa wannabe on tv.  I was profoundly influenced/scarred by Shelley Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre in the 80's but I think I've worked through the nightmares by now.  Regardless, I have some pretty deep feels about this series and feel like I must watch the Snow Queen again.

here

here

This blue glitter motherfucker had a damn acrylic snowflake ipad for chrissakes.  So fantastic.

-  Read more books.  Less Gawker.

- Now that my weekends are free of gardening chores I can devote my spare time to working INside the house.  I want to paint my hallway, repaint and spruce up my bathroom, restyle my china cabinet, sell all the shit I don't want, frame all the art I have and actually HANG it, hang said art gallery-style down my freshly-painted hallway, organize my tools/mudroom, finish up a closet overhaul and lots of other small DIY projects I'll probably get around to actually doing in 2017.  

- Set a nice table.  Maybe for Friendsgiving, maybe just for me and Charlemagne.  Who's to know?

here

-  I do realize that Winter extends beyond Christmas so I will devote the rest of my post-holiday months to... I don't know, sadly staring out an icy window while drinking myself stupid.

-  Pay.  Off.  My.  Kitchen.  I've been making extra payments for the past year or so on my loans and I'm super close.  I'll do a kitchen update at the celebratory zero balance milestone.

-  I'm stepping up my cozy loungewear game this season too.  No more gross tshirts and ill-fitting Old Navy pajama bottoms with saggy butts.  Everything should look like Olivia Pope just robbed a cashmere leggings store.

-  But also cashmere legwarmers...

- Trying to be better about self care as I say every year.  Make my personal care - food, exercise, sleep - my priority.  Even over blogging.  I know, so dumb.  I'm off to a good start because I just started using the Sleep Cycle app and am loving it.  But then I counteracted the good start by not removing my makeup before I went to bed last night.  Dammit.

-  At the very least all this time stuck inside should allow me some creative time to make some art or work on some calligraphy. 

Surely that's enough to keep me occupied and fantasizing until April, right?

UPDATE:  I forgot about charity!  I want to make charity - whether it's my money or time or both - a bigger part of my winter/life.  And if I write it down for the world to see you can hold me responsible.

Welcome to the ModSauce School of Heavenly Libations.

We're to the point in the summer season where I'm done.  I don't care if the grass gets too high or the plants are wilting or my feet look like driftwood, it's too damn hot to garner any fucks to give.  The good news is that if you live in the South you've got another 45 days of disgusting humidity to look forward to. YAY!

Obviously the only thing to do now is get a gawddamn pedicure already, Groot toes, and drink the humidity away.  Fortunately for you I've been doing lots of "research" and "learning" about drankin' this summer to make the next 45 days bearable.  

Nay, not just bearable but ENJOYABLE.  

So here are all my favorite "research" moments of the summer.  I'm just destroying this summer bucket list of mine too.  And frankly, it's been a shitty week and I think we could all use an adult beverage.

I started the summer with my booze of choice: wine.  Wine is good for all seasons and is my best friend all year.  In honor of this esteemed status, I like to dress it up with some fruit for the summer months to get in the spirit in the form of sangria.

I love sangria because you can just throw a bunch of things together and it always tastes good.  However, sometimes it's a little too sweet for me so I found this GENIUS recipe on Gimme Some Oven.

She added arugula to her blend and I'll never have it any other way again.  It makes it peppery and spicy and balances all the sweet fruit.  I'll probably just throw in whatever fruit I have available the next time I make it but I'll be sure to throw in a handful or two of arugula.  Recipe, schmecipe.

But if you're looking for something a little stronger, channel your inner stumbling-sorority-girl and switch to Fireball.  It's the cinnamon whiskey CIN-sation (I'm sorry, I couldn't stop myself) that's sweeping across the nation leaving blackout drunks and discarded panties in its spicy wake.  

Of COURSE this brand has fan graphics.

If you listen really closely you can actually hear a girl crying on a dirty bathroom floor somewhere.  That's Jessica.  She's the patron saint of Fireball.

It's the only thing I'll actually do shots of anymore.  When I get home from work.  Alone.  Because that's how trashy it/me is.  

I have a bottle of it with a handle now for easy mobility.

If you are looking to make an actual cocktail drink out of it my favorite way to drink it is just mixed with ginger ale.   Pinterest (the collective?) named this 'Gingerball' and that's probably the best name I've ever heard so I drink it partly for that reason.  

Top quality ginger balls, right there.

Fancy it up with with some Fireball-soaked maraschino cherries; serve in a red Solo cup and a disturbing lack of dignity.  Mason jars acceptable too.

Or you can just search for Fireball on Pinterest and pick any recipe.  The college crowd has already done the work for you.  I want to make a Fireball barbecue sauce and caramel sauce so damn bad.

Fireball transitions great into Fall if you mix it with cream soda, Jack Daniel's Honey, hard cider, a splash of Cointreau, ice cream, Firefly, etc.  Not all at the same time.  

Well, now that I think of it...

Speaking of Firefly (sweet tea vodka), it has long been a staple at the ModSauce Ranch.   Normally I just mix it with raspberry lemonade or, um, more Firefly because it don't need no help.  But for my recent hot dog party, my friend and gardening buddy, Emily Rose who blogs here, kicked it into Southern overdrive by turning it into boozy fruit spectacular.  

Holding her delicious creation here. Photo via Eat Drink Frolic.

Start by soaking some peaches in a half liter of Firefly in a pitcher.  Add in a can of Sprite and some blackberries and raspberries.  Spank some mint (heh) and add to the mixture.  Fill the rest of the pitcher with water, serve over ice and then watch it disappear down everyone's throats.  So smooth.  So dangerous.

The hot dog party (Wienerfest 2014) was a big night for cocktails because we also saw the birth of another spectacular creation know as Summer Faery Pee courtesy of Slade Roberson (who blogs over here).

I ran out of limeade so I recreated it after the party with just the juice of one lime if you're in a pickle.

It's so easy: 1 part gin, 1 part limeade (like the Simply Limeade stuff, ya know), 1 part St. Germain, 2 parts ginger ale.  Garnish with a sprig of rosemary from your garden.  It will feel like a sweet summer faery just gave your throat a golden shower and you will love it.  It's deceptively strong and perfect for summer.

St. Germain is something I just recently got and is the essence of Faery Pee.  It's that thing in cocktails that takes it from 'Fireball in a solo cup' kind of night to 'impress your friends with elderflower liquer while eating hot dogs.'  I don't usually like sugary drinks but this is sweet and floral without that 'rot your teeth' feel.  I'd prefer to rot my liver and reputation, please.

Although I haven't tried it at home, earlier this summer I had a Citrus Ginger Fizz and it was also perfect for summer.  However, ginger liqueur is hard to find and expensive so just make Summer Faery Pee.  You won't regret it.

And lastly, I've also developed a mild obsession with blood orange this summer.  Well, blood orange soda.  [MS sidebar: I do not like using the word 'soda' unless it is preceded by 'baking' or 'club' but blood orange coke sounds weird so there ya go.]

I don't really use recipes (could ya tell from this highly technical blog post??) but mostly I've been drinking it with Firefly (the raspberry kind) and a dash of peach vodka with a bit of rosemary or mint.  It's practically fruit salad!

After a hard day's work in the yard I yearn - yes, YEARN, I say - for salty margaritas.  I've been making a bastardized version of these blood orange margaritas from How Sweet Eats and they hit the spot.

I just use blood orange soda instead of the simple syrup.

Not even I can sink low enough to make a 'salty rim job' joke.  OR DID I?!?!?!?!

Sometimes if I'm feeling extra naughty I'll add in some ginger beer.  Nothing is more American than "beer" after mowing the grass, right?  I feel like a real patriot.  Considering the ginger beer I drink is Jamaican that sounds about right for an American patriot.  Sigh...

So that's what I've been drinking most of this summer and it has been delightful.  I vouch for all of these cocktails but take that with a salty rim job because I'm currently drinking boxed red wine mixed with flat Sprite over ice cubes. 

What are y'all drinking or not drinking this summer?  Alcoholic or no, I want to put it in my body.  Has anyone actually tried a coconut water cocktail yet?  I'm scared to waste the coconut water and alcohol if I don't like it.  Mostly the coconut water.  That shit's expensive.  But not ginger liqueur expensive.

PS I had to google 'liqueur' every time I typed it because I'm wrong every time.  Too many vowels.  Or maybe too many wine/Sprite drinks...

PPS There is no physical way to type/say/hear "drinking" without it morphing into Drunk in Love "drankin."  However, I'm Southern so that's how we say it anyway so it's indistinguishable.

Summer Bucket List: Moderately qualified to represent the LBC.

Now that we've officially moved into June I figured I would jump on the blogger bandwagon and write down some things that I'm interested in doing this summer.  

I'm all about trying to capture the exquisite details of the season...  soaking up the sun...  appreciating the contrast of salty language and sweet tea... learning to relish the oppressive mantle of Southern heat that readies us for the harshness of life's cruelty...  *raises fist towards the sweltering sky*

If you read that in Nicole Kidman's Cold Mountain voice it sounds perfectly affected and overdone.

Basically I'm trying to find joyful things about this hell season to avoid thinking about crotch sweat and my driveway being infested with those red mites again, gawddammit.

A summer bucket list.  

YOLO.

Let's start out with the easy stuff...

- Keep my car washed and shiny. Like on the INSIDE.  Where I can't just rely on driving fast through the rain.  

- Make a mix cd (hey, my car is old as well as dirty) but it'll only include Doin' Time (Summertime) by Sublime.  It's the only music I needed in 1996 and the only music I need now.

- Dance to the rhythm.  It gets harder.

- Try to use cut flowers in my house sometimes even though I'm not a big flower person.  I mean, I'm not a giant humonoid/flower hybrid sentient being but I also don't really respond to cut flowers.  They die.  And frankly, I can kill a non-flowering plant rull easy and it's cheaper.  But maybe I'll pretend to be girly and elegant and grab a bouquet at the neighborhood market (Costco) for something different. This seems summery and fun.

- See lots of terrible movies just so I can sit in a deliciously cold movie theater on the hottest days in a sweater.  A summer sweater.  One of my most favorite things in the world for no reason I can come up with.  Like ice cream in winter or arson in Spring.

- Learn how to wear a headwrap with charm.  Frankly, I'm a dirty person on the weekends right now.  I'm in the yard a lot therefore I'm sweaty and have gross hair and when someone calls me to have a margarita or I need to run to the store for emergency bags of dirt I don't have time to "dress up" or "bathe." I'm thirsty NOW.  

Something vintage like this:

via Seamless

This girl is the cutest and she's gonna learn me real good.

- Get soaked in the summer rain. You smell mineral-y and when you dry your hair and skin feel amazing.  Not a substitute for actual bathing (me or my car) but can work pre-headwrap if I'm in a rush, of course.

- Lay on diving board with nothing on but pink fur.  Get 80-yr-old neighbor to Instagram me.

June Wilkinson, Hi-Life, November 1959

- Or at least recreate this.

The Birth of Suburbia by Rosaleen Ryan

- Hell, I want to GET IN SOME WATER!  I love love LOVE to swim - well, it's more like water twirling than stroking for a purpose [MS sidebar: *arches brow*] - but I never get to do it anymore.  I am not above splashing around in a kiddie pool. 

-  As a child/college student I would always follow swimming adventures with a box of mac and cheese so I'm turning this kiddie pool into a white trash extravaganza.  Throw in a Dr. Thunder and we 'bout to get turnt up at the Ranch, y'all.

- I think I want to get beautified this summer and do some pampering.  I love what sweating, heat and vitamin D does for my skin so I'm gonna focus on making my skin beautiful.  I already take prescription amounts of the big D so now all I have to do is use tons of clay masks and rub a sliced lemon all over my body every morning at dawn while I chant to the morning sun.

- Chant at the morning sun until my mind is quiet and the cops are called.

- Make time for reading books in the middle of the day and not 20 minutes before bedtime when I can't comprehend anything.  Hey Self, might I recommend reading in the kiddie pool you're going to acquire?  Self, you are so smart.

- Drink dirty chai lattes so much I'm embarrassed to even face my barista and bank account.  (SPOILER ALERT: I'm halfway there!)

- I love a day trip and I KNOW you love my Instagrams of abandoned sheds all over the Tennessee valley so I'll try to document the other sheds I haven't seen yet.  Also, I hear there's a really weird rock about two hours away... can't wait!  

- Make all those cocktails that I have pinned.  Drink them myself.  None for you.

Yes. It's called the Tennessee Honey Hole... I'll drink it just for the name alone even if it's bad.

- Call Neil deGrasse Tyson and figure out the magic behind avocado toast. Bitches love avocado toast.

- I'm all about smells lately so I've been laying awake at night thinking about crafting my own essential oil blends.  I would like to smell like a forest full of magic and centaur musk but fresh and girly with notes of citrus and girl power.

- Dress like a white witch. Scare everyone with how nice I am and how good I smell.

- Start selling some things on Etsy.  It's getting a little ridiculous around here and I'll need to come up with the money for the kiddie pool and boxes of mac and cheese.

- From the ashes of the plants I lost over the summer, I'll turn into a phoenix and fly into the sun where my spirit will live forever and haunt you next summer.

If there's anything good on your summer bucket list let me know so I can steal it!