ModernSauce: dance

Fun fact: Kid and the Madame have the same skin color. What's even weirder is that we have the same hairstyle.

I don't know about y'all but this is exactly what I'm gonna be doing this weekend. Charlemagne and the Madame are going to have a house party (we're not) and Ima put on my yellow halter-style catsuit that I save for special occasions and she already tightened up her fade. Seriously she did:

Look at those little boots... awww...

Don't laugh. She's very sensitive. She's also pretty raggedy because after about .5 seconds she was giving the "are you done yet?" stink eye to the tech. I wanted to introduce her to the world but she told me 'not the face' so be thankful for what you can get.

I've gotta go practice my hot dance skillz and prepare tons of ~~mediocrity~~ fabulosity for next week. Ok, really I'm going to grease myself up with bacon fat to fit into the double layer of spanx necessary for the cut-off catsuit. Fortunately the atomic bomb-sized mushroom cloud spillage from the spanx will be covered by that black patent leather belt. A true lady never reveals her secrets.

A few years ago I tapped into my inner hippie goddess (it's actually a lot closer to the surface than the glamorous Madame but don't tell anybody) and took belly dance classes. Best thing I ever did. I bought a bunch of exotic accessories, listened to groovy music and smelled like patchouli twice a week. Oh and did some badass dancing. Every lady person should do it. Seriously. It doesn't matter your dance ability or hip/waist ratio just go do it. Ok you might need rhythm... I can't remember why I stopped (it was money) but I'm going to do it again. My coin belts are collecting dust and that is a travesty akin to punching my inner Earth Goddess in the balls!!! I should be ashamed.

all from here

here

I really squee for these historical references - these dancers are from the Ouled Nail tribe of Algeria. I could probably wikipedia it but, meh... so could you.

Egyptian Ghawazee dancers from here

People commonly think that belly dancing is the old-timey version of strippers/prostitutes but that's not true. There was no sex in the champagne room even then. Mostly... Do these ladies look like whores I ask you??!! Salome ruined it for everyone! Word on the street is that it was a social dance that had the added benefit of developing muscles to ease childbirth. The cutest thing I've ever seen is a girl about 6 months pregnant taking class. Awwww... Until I saw her do a belly roll and it was the most freakishly disturbing thing I've ever witnessed because I thought an alien was going to burst from her belly!! Wait, I mean it was pretty awesome... no judgment. I can roll my belly both ways but it looks like a ~~slightly mushy~~ glamorous albino anaconda trying to swallow an entire goat and then regurgitating it. Sexy.

I forgot the source so he's going to give me the evil eye.

here

Even dudes can belly dance! At least I think that last one is a dude...

here

Famous turn-of-the-century "belly dancer" and slut Mata Hari. I just like the headdress really...

Claudette Colbert as Cleopatra. Ok so no belly dancing in that I don't think.

And then Middle Eastern culture came west and went Hollywood!!!

here

But of course I like belly dance when it went mod - all retro and polyester and sequins and smarmy lounge feel. There's something so wrong and so right about belly dancing in a bouffant.

I'm pretty sure this is the title of a current rap album but it also made a particularly awesome (and nasty-looking) belly dance cover.

WTF?

Weeeeeeee!!! I'm in orange!!

all from here

She'll cut a bitch with those eyelashes.

source? Heaven.

There was a time when belly dance went glittertastic in the 70's and 80's in the Cabaret style. Normally glittertastic really rocks my world but somehow this just ain't workin for me. But I can't say that because if you are a belly dancer then you give mad props to every lady belly dancer regardless of skill, taste, stretch marks, muffin tops, age, tan or size. It's part of the Code of Shimmies. So as a matter of fact I ADORE this lady - FUCK YOU for thinking otherwise!!! I once saw two glamazons in tube tops and broomstick skirts belly dance/mosh to a Korn song at a hafla and get a standing ovation. True story. (no seriously, it really happened.)

Zoe Jakes from here

But I prefer my style more like this. Other than Cabaret the current trend is called American Tribal Style or Tribal Fusion. It's gritty, little bit goth, largely improvisational and involves lots of eyeliner and accessories. I love it.