Thursday, June 3, 2010

The first rule of fort club is you DO NOT TALK ABOUT FORT CLUB.

Just kidding.  We're totally talkin bout forts today.

Last weekend Madame Sunday was all about some pointy fabulosity and concrete architecture but this weekend feels more like pillows and napping.  Enter the fine architecture of forts.  Definitely something that I'm able to build in my sparsely-furnished living room after a bottle of wine.   

 From the aptly titled tumblr Fuck Yeah Forts
And some strategic use of Christmas lights.  I don't even think the bottle of wine is even necessary.  Actually the Christmas lights are still up from December so I'm basically halfway there.

Boat fort!!!  

these 2 from the Wild Things fort project from booooooom

I built plenty of forts in my youth (who didn't?) but they became quite essential to my life the summer after I graduated college.  Faced with the prospect of working the rest of my adult life with no breaks I gave a big middle finger to responsibility and took the summer off much to the chagrin of my parents and bank account.  Also quite surprised was the design firm that offered me a job to which I said 'Fuck off, I'll call you in August!!'  (I totally didn't say that.)

2 more Wild Things forts here
Most of my roommates vacated our apartment taking the furniture along with them.  I was left in a sleepy college town with one kickass roommate, a lot of spare time and a freezer full of vodka.  Guess what happened.

Like any sane pair of 21-year-olds we turned the living room into a giant fort out of a couple of remaining kitchen chairs and some bedsheets.  It made our lack of furniture seem like a choice not a result of poverty.  She spent her days her days hungover working at a real job while I spent my days hungover Forting. 

My days were pretty busy: first I'd wake up and go immediately from my bed to Fort.  Or just roll over if I already was in Fort.  I'd watch Maury Povich to see some baby daddies til my eyes could focus and then spend the next two hours honing my Nintendo 64 Mario Kart skills all while in Fort.  Sometimes I would switch it up with Adventure Beetle Racing if I was feeling especially competitive.  Then came lunch which probably consisted of boxed mac and cheese and sweet tea.  Hello early onset Type II Diabetes. 

After that it was time for my outdoor exercise so I would head on down to the apartment pool for an afternoon of swimming and skillfully applying my SPF 70 sunblock every hour on the hour.  It's important to stay hydrated when outside during the summer so I liked to carry around a 40 oz slurpee cup of mudslides or vodka and sprite.

4 from here
Once the intensity of the sun made my delicate angel skin burny I had to retire to Fort for more Mario Kart and napping after my exhausting afternoon.   At some point kickass roomie would come home from work to join me for more napping in Fort (to fortify strength for the rest of the night) and possibly definitely more nintendo and drinking.

But the world of Forting is not as carefree and magical as one would think.  There are strict rules to follow.

1. No pants allowed.  Pants are like the representation of the rigid corporate bullshit world made up of summer jobs and places with real walls and legs restricted with fabric.  Fuck that!  Fort is love and naps and peace and non-pants.  Also Madame Sunday pretty much only wore a bathing suit and tshirt the entire summer because living like a drunk 5-year-old is really awesome.  I don't even think baths were necessary since I was getting in the pool every day and chlorine is totally like soap.

2. Shirts required. All you perverts who read #1 and think some Girls Gone Wild shit is happening in Fort can fuck off like my credible job offer from that May.  Do not sully Fort with your filth.  This was a girls' Fort anyway.

3. No green vegetables allowed.  Except for fried okra.

4. If a buzz is not achieved within the first 15 minutes of Forting you must leave and not return until proper buzz is rendered.   

5. You can't actually sit in Fort.  You have to lounge or lay down.  Sitting up (even Indian-style) is for uppity bitches.

6. Entrance into Fort can only be allowed by approval of the founding ladies in accordance with the by-laws of Fort Establishment code Summer of 2002.  Or Doritos.

I think there was probably a lot of other things that happened that summer including but not limited to bar hopping, happy hours, hottie chasing and that night at the dance club with all those mirrors where that dude got shot but I'm pretty hazy on a lot of the details and choose to focus on my days filled with Fort goodness.

Final day of Fort Club Summer 02 was the end of the best summer ever in the history of all summers.  I cried (probably because I had to put on pants and was really really hungover) all the way home. Also because the job that I told to fuck off did indeed fuck off and I was driving home to an unknown future filled only with the certainty of moving back home to my parents' house which was decidedly lacking in Forts. *shudder*

I found a job eventually in a non-ID field and got my own place with a couple of pieces of furniture but I still think back to those Forting days and nights filled with the smell of Kraft Mac & Cheese and sunscreen.

So yeah, I totally gave up a career in Interior Design at a well-respected firm in Atlanta for pillow forts, mudslides and Mario Kart.  Best decision I ever made.

For M. ;-)


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  2. Ok, so this post gave me the warm fuzzies (and not in a down-below creepy way). I do longingly refer to the summer of ’02 as “the best summer/time of my life –eva!” Even now, when I see Mario I smell mac-n-cheese, white russians, hot dogs, & Polynesian sauce – all of which equal awesomeness. Cue Barbara Streisand’s The Way We Were… Seriously, Fort freakin’ rocked!

  3. ah -- fortastic! could you come over and show my girls how it is done . . . On second thought, you know they have not yet reached their fortable years. . .I could go on with this freakin' fortever! TLF. jb

  4. @Melissa Ahh memories indeed. No one can truly understand All Fort, No Pants until you've lived it. And you haven't really lived until you've Forted like that. You're right - a 10 yr fortiversary is almost due!

    @jb Your girls will have to wait until they reach proper Forting age of course (as specified by the by laws) to learn the proper way of the Fort. But nurture their youth Forts because you never know what might happen later...!