Faucet dude: Hey, you're so awesome that we want to be friends with you.
MS: Look internet pervert I'll totally block your nasty tweets I swear to gawd!
Faucet dude: No seriously, you seem like a cool person...
MS: I think the word you're looking for is fabulosity.
Faucet dude: ...um ok. But we'd like to give you a faucet.
MS: WTF? Is that like a euphemism for something gross??!!
Faucet dude: *sigh* No. Look - do you want a faucet or not?
MS: Does a duck fart when it walks?
Faucet dude: What?
MS: I'LL TAKE IT!! mwahahahaha!!
Meet the Brizo Venuto. It's so curvy and shiny and we know I like shiny things like unicorn horns and glitter eyeshadow.
I signed a pact in blood before they could realize what they had done because they seem like cool people that do things like this and I'm drunk a lot and do things like this. Let's just keep that between you and me, k? But now the Faucet of Amazing Awesomeness is in my posession.
Hellooooo Venuto.That. Just. Happened.
It's probably the nicest thing at the ModernSauce ranch. So I wanted to get it acquainted with its new home and show it a good time. First stop - the kitchen. Shitty old faucet meet Venuto. Venuto; shitty old faucet. It's on like Donkey Kong y'all. Venuto is going to tear that sink up when we do the real renovations!!
Venuto says "In yo FACE shitty faucet!"
After the tour we did normal get acquainted things - mani/pedi, watched Twilight (Venuto is totally Team Edward thank gawd) and just chatted.
It's called magical realism...
Later we decided to have a picnic outside and Venuto helped me read for my book club. There was a siesta involved.
While Venuto napped I went to the store and picked up some items for dinner and I surprised Venuto with some flowers! Teehee! He was touched I could tell.
Here at the ranch we take care of our guests (sometimes) so I made sure to cook a nice dinner for company. I made pasta with organic spinach and tomatoes and fresh herbs from our local farmer's market because I care and I'm a liberal white person. But just so Venuto doesn't think he gonna be spoiled all the time I made sure to keep it real (and keep with the Italian theme) by microwaving some Totino's Pizza Rolls to go along with the pasta because we ain't boughie around here. We can do nice but we ALWAYS do real.
Oooooh lawd.But look at this mess. Venuto's head is on backwards and his naughty bits are all showing after overindulging in some wine and chocolate. You're one of us now Venuto. But we'll need to work on your tolerance or this relationship isn't going to last.
Venuto is already lonely bored but kitchen renovation is just beginning.... At least I have some sink jewelry to look forward to and a new best friend!
The internet is awesome.