Monday, August 23, 2010

I need a rock tumbler and paintbrush, stat.

I've been stalking these paintings for a few months and finally decided to feature them all in one post because, well...  I think that's the point of a blog.  But I'm not really sure what the point really is so if someone finds out just give me a holler.  In the meantime...  look, jewels!!

From the artist Carly Waito who paints minerals, jewels and geological stuffs like a badass.  Wearing rocks on your wrist is sooo over.  Sorry rappers.  Here in 2010 we put our ice on our walls. 

As my psychics have always told me gemstones and crystals have healing powers so you can pick what you need help with and then buy the corresponding painting.  Genius!!  Just look at what the above painting of amethyst will help you with:
Amethyst is the color that you see in the sky as twilight transitions into night. Amethyst takes you on this transition from the magic time of dusk to a conscious shift into a different place. Crossing this threshold is the lesson of humility, which Amethyst can teach us. This stone can show us how to let go and trust; surrender so that you may see beyond the cycle that consumes your attention; give it all up, so that you can receive more; and bow, that you may become a part of the greater whole. Amethyst is considered a Master Healing stone.
I certainly didn't know I could learn humility from amethyst!  This stuff is awesome!  Although my real problem this summer is ants.  Do you think there's a stone that I could buy a painting of to get rid of the ants that are trying to take over the ModSauce ranch?  Oh and I need a stone for crabgrass too.  That bullshit they sell at the hardware store sucks ass.  I need to teach that crabgrass some fucking humility.  I don't know who it thinks it is...

yeah.  a painting...

I don't know how big these are but I hope they are about 4' tall.  Oversized artwork like this says 'I'm rich but like to keep it real cuz I like nature and shit.'  

Ok I just found out they're about 6" tall...  I'd still buy one.  If I could afford it.  (spoiler alert: I probably can't.  I've spent all my money on weed killer.)

But since I can't paint (yet!) I could try to use the ZQ9000042 Camera of Amazing Awesomeness and maybe take some pictures like this.  

Ehhh?!  Ehhh?!  *eyebrow wiggle*

All I need is a piece of black velvet and some shiny things.  Done.


  1. I'm done with my black velvet. Do you want to borrow it? You'll need your own strobe and black light though.
    For the ants, put up a big picture of baking soda. That should scare them. Or corn meal. That really makes them run around looking for art! You're welcome. Please send a large rock. The ones for the wrist that you're done with are fine.

  2. So your product for crabgrass sucks ass? Are you adding rhymes to your next posts? Next time you are in Washington DC, go tot he Smithsonian Natural History Museum, specifically the exhibit on gems and jewels. Get me something big and gorgeous from the display. Oh, and get advice first from Fun and Fit on how to improve your running speed. This last part is crucial for our plan to succeed. Ignore alarms.

  3. Sweet paintings! Didn't they do the same hyper-real detail images of people in the 70s?

    A magnifying glass and a sunny day will take care of your ants (might take awhile though). If you don't have that kind of time try raw cinnamon, ants hate it since it burns their guts out. You could also mix borax and sugar and put it right at the entrance to the ant lair. They will collect it as food, eat it, and pretty much dissolve from the inside out.

    Crab grass will die (pretty much instantly before your eyes) if you pour boiling water on it, but that will likely kill the surrounding grass too.

  4. I think I have some shots I took at the natural history museum in NYC or better yet go to a loose stone store at the apparel Mart tell them you are an art student working on a project about curves found in nature or textile designer that need to capture the stone to recreate it for some swanky high end boutique that has this "special client" that wants to recreate the look on fabric and you need a good photo to reference. Next stop find big nice color printer (bet you know where one is!).

  5. @Fun and Fit - so you're encouraging physical fitness AND thievery? I guess whatever gets these thighs in better shape... ; )

    @Izzy - honey I wasn't alive in the 70's so I'll take your word for it. ; ) AND take your word for it on the helpful and and weed advice. Do they make industrial-sized teakettles cuz I'm gonna need a big one for my yard...?!

    @Heather - ditto.

    @Shannon - I am a master storyteller so I'm sure I could craft some epic that would require me to spend nothing and get everything for free! Bwahahahahahah!!!!