Sunday, August 1, 2010

Zombies have never looked this good.

I might have a kitchen falling apart, doors that need painting and tree stumps that need removing but all I really want to do is paint rooms.  In fact, repaint rooms that are already painted and do not, in any way, need a new wall color.  I like to think of procrastination and poor prioritization as areas where I excel.  Also, alliteration.  

When I first bought the ModernSauce ranch I was paralyzed with fear when it came to picking out the paint color for the living areas.   I spent more money on paint swatches than purchasing the final paint color and countless hours just staring at walls squinting and imagining decorating with furniture I couldn't afford and candlelit dinner parties I probably wouldn't throw.  This is the problem when you work in the home decor industry.  My likes and dislikes change as frequently as Apartment Therapy posts "articles" in a day.  But I finally decided on something similar to this:
Seriously, I think I really got this picture from AT
This is the picture that inspired me.  It feels crisp but earthy with a mod flair and has a $2100 coat rack.  I'll take it!   I call it 'dirty pear' here at the ranch.  Sounds yummy, right? But after a few years it doesn't seem to have that crisp earthiness anymore...  it started to feel more 'dirty' than 'pear' and now it just feels more like 'zombie pit stain' green to me.   To make this shade work (because I still like it in this picture) I think you have to have beautiful ebony skin which I neglected to take into consideration at the time of paint selection. 

I would post a picture of my room but it's pretty ghetto right now in that I don't have a lot of furniture and not in a cool minimalism way more like an 'how are you this old and NOT have more than a couch and shitty coffee table?' kind of way.  Also the camera is waaay across the room.

So I've been daydreaming about colors.  Once I remembered that I'm not glamorously black I had to find another color I look good in so I took a quick peek at my avatar and thought 'Damn, I look good in dark green!"  Done.  Specifically a dark olive because dark rooms are super chic right now and why the hell not?  We'll call it 'dirty zombie camo green.'  

I can't remember where this came from.  Maybe I want to forget.
Despite the art and shitty styling that color is weirdly talkin to me...

This is a floor but use your imagination.  Also use your imagination to erase those purpley tongue chairs.  But everything else is squee-worthy.  Okay maybe it's just the mirror...

Not my style but that 'zombie camo library green' looks purty with the white trim...


Miles Redd for Elle Decor (solely based on font)
Ok the gloss might end up being 'greasy zombie' after awhile...

I would really like to know the grandma that lives here.  She seems like a badass.  Unless a gay man lives here in which it totally changes everything and then we probably wouldn't get along.

Ooooh juju headdress AND 'African zombie camo' sponge painted(?)/stained paneling...

Just the color...

I think this shade became stuck in my brain from this picture.  I searched far and wide for this apartment that I remembered from an old O at Home because I'm a total loser brainy smartiac who remembers magazine editorials from two years ago.  I don't know why but I think it had something to do with the green and this plaster-covered table...

I cannot tell you how happy that picture of the bathroom makes me.  

I don't think I could live in this place but I just like having 'African voodoo zombie greasy pit stain library green' fantasies.  I'll probably continue to avoid real projects around the house while I move on to fantasizing about just painting my walls a more practical neutral.  For the sake of the fantasy I'll totally name it 'dew drops on angel cheeks champagne supernova sunrise' when it'll really just be taupe.  The Madame always believes the backstory is way more important than results.


  1. De-ah Mawhduhn Sauciliness: These are all fine selections of green with green. But you missed the allure of puke green, snot green, booger green, and split pea in an Exorcist Ms Blair spew green kind of way. Another option, paint your skin ebony and leave the original wall alone. AM I good or what?!

  2. That would certainly be much cheaper! Of course I could just get a spray tan and see how dark I can get - I bet "Snooki Brown" would look nice with "Zombie Pit Stain." You're so smart as always.

  3. I am looking right past your zombie predilection (I know, you can't help it...) and seeing aubergine all over the friggin place. As in, not just the eggplant itself, but the whole botanical experience: the soft velevety dark green leaves, the striking mauve flowers, the deep purple fruiting bodies, the sparking yellow stamens... This is a riot of deep summer cultivation masquerading as interior furnishings; face your inner gardener, Madame!! Let those black thumbs bask in the vernal sun and flourish, luxuriant in the life-giving and inspiring warmth. Don't forget the SPF 137.

  4. What you need is a "virtual" ranch in the form of a 3D computer model, where you could tweak all sorts of stuff without having to actually paint, build, or move furniture!

    You could place your 3D model "ranch" into a 3D model of your YARD, and THAT into a 3D model of CHATTAVEGAS, and of TENNESSEE, and of the UNITED STATES! YOU COULD PLOT THE COMPLETE ZOMBIE GREEN-IFICATION OF THE ENTIRE WORLD, MUUUHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!.....

    Ahem! Excuse me. Lost it for a sec' there.


  5. @Rich You make gardening (and zombie paints)sound so much more exciting than my inexperienced black thumbs know how to make it. I'll teach you about sunscreen and you can teach me about the friggin botanical orgasmisplosion.

    @Izzy I think you just signed yourself up to craft a 3D model of the MS ranch. Now I have a captain in my zombie green-ificaiton of the world! mwahahahahahahah!

  6. oh, and I just SAID, I mean WROTE, on my blog that avocado green was NOT coming back. How dare you make me look bad? Bah. Upstart.

  7. Well "zombie pit stain" is surprisingly close to avocado because it WAS quite 'in' two years ago when I painted. I'm such a follower. But now I'm older and wiser and want to leave my adventurous color explorations on the blog and not on my walls. I'm smart like that.

  8. The orange pillows made me think of our living room! We love green, orange and brown together.

    That slimy green gloss is awful. It's like a brontosaurus picked his nose and smeared it on the walls. Blech!

  9. Aren't zombies color blind anyway? Well, at least they don't need low VOC paint since health is not an issue :-)