|You can control me anytime Mario.|
First off: THE FACE! Despite most of my clothes coming from the clearance rack at the Gap Outlet (if I'm feeling fancy...) I can be a bit of a product whore sometimes. Once a Madame hit 30 my skin went to a bad place. A scary place. A place of flakes and blotches and OMGwhatisgoingonhere? At the advice of a friend of the Sauce who's an expert on girl things and after reading Door Sixteen's recommendation I started using Mario Badescu products. This shit is cheap and did things to my face I didn't think possible. I feel I'll soon be not just any product whore but a whore for Mario. The Madame gives this 4 out of 5 pizza rolls on the scale of fabulosity importance.
Now something I probably won't be doing any whoring for:
When you live in a shithole (with a fabulous kitchen!) things are always in various stages of decline. My bathroom is a particularly scary place that I'll totally get to right after I finish moving back into the kitchen... Specifically I need to replace all - ALL - of the caulk because it's so degraded I think I saw a mushroom growing out of it the other day. Also, there are parts of it that stay black no matter HOW much I clean. UNTIL I discovered the above product! I was enticed by the "PENETRATOR" claim and let me tell you I'm a very satisfied Madame. Spots that no amount of bleach, industrial oxiclean, an actual exorcism by the ghost of Billy Mays himself or large amounts of cussing would whiten were gone in a few seconds with zero labor on my part. Granted, I now have cancer of the nostrils where I inhaled the fumes because this. shit. does. not. fuck. around. but my caulk is white again probably since the first time since 1985 so I think that's a fair trade. 4.5 pizza rolls.
I also strongly recommend getting one of these:
|Technically you're on Wall Street Mr. Patrick Bateman but I don't care because you're pretty and I needed a picture of a man in a suit. You might also need the cleaner above...|
Now that my face, shower and portfolio are in order it's time to get all science-y. I would say I'm a health conscious person but that's pretty much where it stays - in my head - because unfortunately the universe was constructed in a way where all of your body's nutritional needs are not met with quesadillas, red wine and dark chocolate. As a Virgo I know everything about everything particularly as it relates to health but, also as a Virgo, I'm a hypocritical harpie so I like to lecture other people about what they should do while doing the exact same thing. "You know that Diet Coke is nothing but chemicals that will take you straight to the grave right? *sprays fake cheese in mouth* "And don't forget your vitamins!" *pops a gummi bear* But this time I'm leading by example and giving you helpful - not harpie - info. Especially for the LAAAADIEEEEES!! After a recent trip to the doctor it turns out I was dangerously low on my vitamin D levels.
|This is the new ModernSauce font.|
|I look like this by necessity.|
So after just a few doses of enough Vitamin D to possibly kill a small horse (if such a thing were possible) I feel a jizzillion times better. I wasn't complaining of being tired before because I'd forgotten what it was like to NOT feel the bone weary, emotional roller coaster of doom and dark pissypants attitude that I had. It was just my new normal! Possibly it's your normal too. So ladies you need to have your Vitamin D checked regardless of how you feel. It happened to me and several of my friends and it can happen to YOU! *sprays fake cheese in mouth* I give it 12 out of 5 pizza rolls because OMIGAWD I FEEL SO GOOD NOW! SQUEEEE!