Sunday, April 24, 2011

I need some industrial strength Calgon to take me away.

Now that I have 98% of a gorgeous kitchen it makes the rest of my house look even stankier than normal.  Particularly the bathrooms.  You can fake your way around some ugly furniture but nasty grout and gross cabinets are hard to style around.  Particularly if you've just found out that your sagging bathroom floor is beyond repair.  As in the subfloor has completely rotted away due to an ancient toilet leak and just fell off onto the ground [MS sidebar: when I bought my house my home inspector was about 117 and I'm guessing he didn't get up close and personal with ALL corners of my crawl space...] and the only thing that constitutes my "floor" - a term I'm using loosely here - is the mint and aqua mosaic tile and the 50 yr old cementy stuff below it holding it together.  Oh and air.  Now, every day when I brush my teeth it's like an adventure - Will I fall through the floor today?!!!  Ooooh living in the unknown is so dangerously fun!  

Right now there's a quick and dirty temporary fix (it might consist of some cinder blocks and magic caulk - I don't really know what the contractor did) until I can sell enough plasma to pay to properly rip up the entire floor to redo it.  Maybe a whole new bathroom depending on how the plasma market is doing these days...  I made sure that I wasn't flat broke after doing the kitchen but that doesn't mean I can do two remodels back-to-back.  Houses can be such assholes sometimes.  And aging home inspectors.

While I cry and make desperate attempts at finding a sugar daddy (AGAIN!) here are some bathrooms that make me lusty.
from Cote Maison
If I'm feeling all lusty with this bathroom I'm gonna need some curtains.  Maybe a shade... something... anything to protect against the entire DECK of people out there.  Because seriously - yum.

photography by Mai Linh via Emma's Design Blogg
Since I'm still in the fantasy part of the bathroom renovation this will do nicely.

from pinterest but real source??
I found this on Pinterest and it had the caption "It looks like a mermaid does her business here."  I can't improve on that statement in any way.

via House of Turquoise
Looks too Candice Olsen-y to me but it's so SHINY that I covet it.  I bet it has 0% stained grout and 100% of a floor.  Also, apparently you can't design a bathroom without rectangular vessel sinks now.  You just can't.

Feldman Architecture via decorpad

via Mi Casa Es Su Casa
Or concrete ones.  Perhaps disastrous for putting on makeup...?  Toothpaste residue?  Questions that don't need to be answered right now because we're just fantasizing.  Also, I won't be getting either a vessel sink or a concrete one or any one that doesn't come from the Habitat ReStore so it really just depends on what they have available.

photography by Emily Gilbert via Desire to Inspire
I despise those shades but all those curves need lots of HUGS!!!

via Head Over Heels
Do you think people actually bathe here or is this just in my dreams?  

via Sacremento Street
The mix of new and old is so nice.  So very very nice.  I'm not sure how I feel about so much art in a bathroom but I know exactly how I feel about giant tubs like that.  That's right - lusty.

via Remodelista
But for the record: I.  Hate.  Dark.  Grout.

Elizabeth Dinkel via Houzz
Oh that's better.  Probably too traditional for me but after the prison bathroom above I'm easily swayed by the girly details and that tile.  My ovaries approve.

via re-nest
I'm kinda digging all this green.  Definitely digging that tile.  I'm NOT digging all that grout - Tilex Root Penetrator isn't a miracle worker y'all!

And then this:

via Full House
Sigh...  SOMEBODY GET ME AN OVAL TUB!!!  I need to just buy another home warranty and then pray I fall through the floor so they can pay for the repairs.  You can just buy a random home warranty right?!  I had one when I first bought the Ranch and those poor suckers were so sorry in the end.  Of course with my luck I'll buy one and then never fall through the floor and the quick and dirty temporary solution will last forever no matter how much tap dancing and jumping Charlemagne and I do in there.  

I'll keep dreaming.  Of bathrooms and feline/human choreography


  1. That right there is a super dooper double swanky fantasy bathroom round-up.

  2. Don't YOU have a lusty bathroom that is waiting to make its debut on the blog sometime soon?! Ahhh... swankified.

  3. The contractor must have used glitternaise--what else could hold the floor together? Just don't let Charlemagne do a can-can on it.

    I only want a big oval tub if it comes with Khal Drogo to lift me in and out of it--I don't think my legs are long enough to not end up causing substantial damage to lady parts otherwise.

  4. Maybe it's me. I hate vessel sinks. They are so over. You see them everywhere and really. Once you see it at Holmes Depot, is it really so cool anymore?

  5. The Cote Maison bathroom rocks.

    The rustic bathroom, with the "roman" tub built out of the floor, is pretty sweet too!

    Any bathroom that's not a filthy cave, where one can hook up a hose and spray the whole thing down (like a pool deck) is a bathroom I can dig. Waterproof membranes are pretty high-tech these days.

    What about:
    1. Radiant heat in the floor?
    2. And an "on demand" hot water heater!?
    3. How about a "full coverage", potentially operable, sky light over the tub!?!


  6. Kim - Glitternaise! Better than duct tape.

    If you get an oval tub you absolutely get Khal Drogo as your personal attendant as long as I get him the rest of the time. For MY lady parts and all... ahem.

    Alycia - I JUST had the vessel sink convo with another designer last night! Ha! I'm out of the bathroom loop that you real designers are in so they don't make me cringe as bad as y'all but I certainly don't want one in my space. I do like the overall "feel" of the spaces they're in though. Dreaming...

    Holmes Depot = *snicker*

    Izzy - why do I get the feeling that you WOULDN'T want a curtain in that Cote Maison bathroom...?? ; ) I definitely like the idea of being able to spray down the entire space AND your 123s of awesomeness but I be BROKE, yo! Mmmhhh... warm tile floor, sunlight. Sweet sigh...

  7. that little blue alcove makes me sweaty. and makes me wanna be clean.
    how's that work?

  8. That's mermaid magic I think. Welcome to the Sauce Mrs. MFAMB! You coming by makes me sweaty a bit too... In a good way. But not a creepy way! Oh shit. Awkward...

  9. You know there are at least two rooms that I absolutely love in your house from the very beginning and those are the bathroom and the fab closet mirrors in the bedroom. So I hope that bathroom can survive on glitter for a little bit.... But um if you get a bathtub that has Drogo I will be jealous!

  10. ruh ro. The closet mirrors are already gone!! I want to preserve as much of the bathrooms as possible cuz they're horrible but in a cute way, ya know?! But I'll loan you Drogo fo sho!! Somehow I think everyone in the neighborhood will want to come over for him...!! ; )