Sunday, December 4, 2011

Don't Stop Til It Thunders: The Story of a Sauce That Was Modern.

Forget about your holiday-induced depression and pathetic attempts at an organized Christmas list because we're celebrating today!  We are at the magical time of the calendar that marks the two year anniversary of this blog and the five year anniversary of my buying the Ranch.  *cue squeeing*  Happy bloggiversary and ranchiversary to me!  

This is totally me about to get my blogging on.  
Being at that intersection of two such momentous occasions makes a madame reflective.  There must be unicorn magic around here...  I knew I smelled cookies and sweaty flanks!  

Somehow I thought I would be farther along when these two milestones passed even though I never set any concrete goals for myself let alone that I'd still be blogging/ranching at this time.  

When I bought my house I assumed by now I would have a show-stopping home of amazing awesomeness and throw lavish dinner parties all the time and twirl down my hall while putting away towels that smelled like a dewy fields of lavender because I obviously I'm at the point in my life where I make my own laundry detergent out of dewy lavender fields. Instead I'm in pajamas at noon next to the pile of towels on my couch that I'm going to fold as soon as I get off Pinterest in 7 hours.  

BUT I actually have a couch now to put the towels on and I can see my kitchen winking at my from across the room and a house full of other tiny milestones you get when going about the process of building a home from scratch.  So I guess I did come a long way in five years even though I don't churn my own goat butter in my immaculately decorated butter-churning shed.  Instead I just have a mint green mini barn out back and an Earthfare close by.  

And even though I mostly wanted to have some funny fun times when I started the blog two years ago I probably assumed I would be queen of blogging by now and get to make a living sitting on my couch at noon blogging in my pajamas.  Hey wait a minute...???   I may not be the most visited blog but I've received amazing perks, having a substantial amount of readers that regularly prove more badass than me and I get to start conversations that set my soul on fiyah.  So I guess I did come a long way in two years even though I can't sustain my queen's existence yet while wearing pajamas.  Instead I have a bottle of haute sauce with my face on it and a digital scrapbook of my adventures and that's a special kind of awesome I wouldn't have even guessed at two years ago. 

I'm not as far along as I'd hoped in these two areas not because I've failed but because I'm just not done yet.

A good friend once shared with me the old folk wisdom that when a snapping turtle bites it won't let go until it hears thunder.  Ahhh... hillbillies.  Not my friend, she was an artist not an Appalachian witch woman.  It was relevant to a deep conversation we were having about art and SHUT UP YOU WEREN'T THERE!  

So now every time I think about working hard on something or I need a  motivational pep talk like in the locker room at halftime during every football movie ever made I just think about snapping turtles, imagine myself in super slow motion under bright lights and whisper ever so softly - don't stop til it thunders.  

Because my life is EXACTLY like football.  

I'm like Rudy if Rudy was a snapping turtle with a vagina.

But not a vagina that snaps because that's totally stupid and why would you even think that, you disgusting pervert?!

Not a snapping turtle. Nor has a vagina. (That we know about.)
So here's what I'm not done doing (other than murdering the English language) and even more things I might do until I hear thunder:

- Dangling some more pretty shit in your face.  Hey, we all like looking at design-related porn.  Perhaps I'll try to show you even more of it.  I don't have to write an essay about every little thing I see so to make your life a little easier and help with your carpel tunnel from having to skim over all my self-indulgent paragraphs I might be more concise too.  Present blog post excluded.  

- I will probably dangle pretty and concise shit in your face more often to distract you from the other posts I want to write that are not concise and are long and wordy and maybe even have real human emotion in them.  Ugh, I know.  I felt you *eyeroll* from here.  But don't forget - MOAR PRETTY SHIT IN YOUR FACE!

- Sometimes that pretty shit might come from the Ranch too because it's time to start stepping up my game here at home.  Madame Lacy Sauce has a lot of projects to do and dammit if I'm not gonna dangle those results in your face too.  I'm saying it might get personal.  As in more DIY.  I don't know though... this pile of towels is pretty big.

- I might even learn how to use my camera for realz when I share this amazing awesomeness I've DIYed from the Ranch.  You mean learn a new skill?!  I know, I might be talking crazy here.

- Of course, we'll continue to celebrate mediocrity not because I believe the stagnation born of apathy is a virtue, but because I think perfectionism is a disease that many people actively infect themselves with. Let's all continue to give a collective middle finger to that idea and celebrate how we actually live instead.  Let's Occupy Real Life, muthafuckers!   Let's celebrate the imperfectly fun, messy, hopeful, sometimes glamorous but mostly mundane parts with swagger, glitter and a very large glass of sauce.

- Oh and obviously we have yet to talk about Breaking Dawn so that will definitely be discussed in the near future.  This is a design blog with impeccable taste and standards.

So thanks to all my readers, commenters, tweeters, G+ers, members of Team Edward, Facebookers even though I'm not on Facebook, lurkers, unicorns, friends who are forced to listen to me talk about blogging, other bloggers who I'm inspired by and Julia Sugarbaker.

That was a long post to say you guys are awesome and I'll see you tomorrow - same time, same place, same snap, same sauce.  

Until it thunders.

I don't know what will happen when it thunders but I bet it's good...  

I'll probably just keep blogging because it'll most likely be raining then and I'll be forced to sit inside in front of my laptop anyway.


  1. Congratulations on your various anniversaries, Oh Snappy One! Glad to be a fellow hobo on this train of saucy fabulosity! (Or, er,... something like that!) :-)

  2. Thanks John! That's exactly what this blog feels like - a super fun train ride filled with hobos. ; )

  3. Here is the dirty little secret nobody ever tells you when you start a blog or buy a damn house... IT NEVER THUNDERS!! Ok now you know. Sorry, I meant to tell you in a softer moment on the couch between two mountains of towels, but... well, you are all grown up at two years-old now, time for the tough love.

  4. I was expecting a dirtier secret. Sigh... ; )

    My definition of success has certainly evolved over the last few years and for the better. I'm not really expecting to make a living blogging so I can make the Ranch my mansion (although damn wouldn't that be nice!)

    Thundering doesn't mean WINNING! It means knowing when to stop.

  5. Congrats on the anniversary. I consider it a detriment that I've had such a lull in stopping by to read your musings. Consider me return imminent.

  6. Thank you kindly. I will prepare myself and the panic room for your return.

  7. I hope you rearranged your french canning jar-filled refrigerator to celebrate this occasion!

  8. I put them in party formation, naturally.

  9. Gamera loves the kids!

    Congratulations on your anniversary!

    I only get about 5 blogs into my inbox. I have this one on the list. For me it is in the entertainment category. I think that is probably what makes your design blog unique.

    I am not always interested in the specific subject but I always enjoy the writing that goes with it.

  10. Thank you James - such a sweet compliment. I know I have a lot of people that aren't as interested in design as I am so it's great to hear that y'all enjoy the blog too. In fact, I love it that I have such a diverse group of readers!

    Thank you for reading and I hope I continue to set your inbox on fiyah!!

    *Gamera hug*