I like to go BUCK WILD for the holidays.

CHRISTMAS!  It's the most sauciest time of the year!  Can't you just feel the sharp pang of glitter rubbing into every crevice of your body after all that gift wrapping?!  Ahhh.... Sink into it.  That's the feeling of love for your fellow human beings.  I've heard people say that the more it hurts, the more you love.

I'm kidding.  I've never heard anybody say that.  I just made it up but it sounds kinda right, huh?

It is no secret I love (unapologetically and non-painfully) the holidays.  It includes all my favorite things - glitter, twinkling things, boxes of secrets under plastic trees, disgustingly beautiful displays of tackiness, my grandmother's date pinwheel cookies, making people smile, more glittery things and all of it wrapped up with that sense of impending doom you just can't shake.

*twirling in delight*

I don't know why people hate Christmas so much.  I just ignore the parts of the holiday that I don't enjoy like when people crush up candy canes and put them on brownies or try to talk about the real meaning of the holiday.  Gross. 

I've been busy not blogging lately because I've actually been enjoying the season in real life and not just living out my wrapping paper fantasies on Pinterest.  Well, not too much...  

I've been doing lots of super fun things like driving all over the the tri-state area to find the most perfect ribbon ever to match this one tiny sheet of wrapping paper I have, eating cake for breakfast and singing/crying to Christmas songs when I'm alone in the car driving all over the tri-state area.

I also set aside about four minutes to craft some holiday decor for the dining room.

I detect a definite lack of glitter here...

I know what you're thinking - HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO CREATE SUCH A MASTERPIECE???!!?!?!  Or maybe, why...? 

Well, dear inquisitive reader, these little birds I bought for about 50 cents each at World Market a few years ago and felt they needed their own place.

That place being a dead branch I made someone crawl around in a dark forest to find for me.  I believe it's called upcycling, y'all.  

In case you were confused on how to construct this feat of engineering.

I'm not sure if this will make a reappearance next year but sometimes I just get a wild hair and I must CREATE!

I also had to get creative because I lost the box that stored my stocking holders and Charlemagne was adamant that her stocking be put up.

So we had to improvise and use these vintage Dansk candle holders that were laying around.  She said that would be ok.

I couldn't be bothered to actually decorate the rest of the mantle because I was so busy putting birds on a dead branch.  Maybe I'll get around to hauling out the 30 feet of mantle garland next year...  I'm not exaggerating, it's 30 feet.  I should start working on it in October if I actually want it done by Christmas.

But I did manage to get some gifts wrapped!  Squee!

Ribbon not styled, the table was just messy...

 I'm a huge believer of twine and raffia especially for dude gifts.  However, twine smells like it was soaked in gasoline prior to packaging so I might suggest letting it air out for a bit or spraying it with Axe body spray.  Because it's for a dude.  But I'm pretty sure the ladies like it too so you could be safe for anyone.


There were a few other glittery baubles strewn about the house but they aren't as exciting as what I stare at every night.

More singing and crying...  Looks better in person.

Obviously I believe in big traditional fake trees (but not so much in proper night photography...).  I also tell myself I'll do a more modern-looking tree every year but fuck it.  I have no self control when it comes to the holidays and rather enjoy it that way.  Leaving a shiny ornament in a dark storage box is like leaving an adorable puppy in a cage at the pound to die.  You'd have to have a lump of coal where your heart is!  Obviously my heart is made of rainbows and cake icing.  (Sticky and sweet?)   


I'll probably get a real tree one year but for now the fake ones do quite nice.  Particularly because I actually put my tree up the weekend before Thanksgiving this year and that's a long ass time for a real tree to look perfect.  This may make me sound like a crazy person but I assure you it left my entire Thanksgiving holiday free to eat, spend time with family and plan the bird/twig/vase thing.


I needed a lot of time and pie for that one...  I'll draw you diagram if you want to attempt one for next year.


I hope y'all have a holiday that is full of as much or as little glitter as your prefer.  And by glitter I mean cake for breakfast of course...


It helps to make your heart sticky and sweet for 2012.