Thursday, May 10, 2012

This patio update would go a lot faster if Charlemagne will stop leaving dead birds on it.

Remember a few weeks ago when I said I was supporting gay marriage by not buying shitty outdoor furniture?  Well I think someone veeeerrrry important got the message.  But not anyone in North Carolina.  

So we are T-Minus 14 days until my patio party and I've been super busy.  Mostly busy not doing anything patio related because there's really only so much someone can do on a concrete slab.  But just in case anyone was losing sleep over the unfinished state of my concrete slab I'm here to ease your mind a bit.

Ease it with terrible pillows that I'm super in love with!

Totally dry-humpable.  Which is exactly what I was probably doing the last time these pillows were in style.  In other words, they're perfect for me!

Don't be fooled by that peek of bench up there - it's technically in the shape of a bench but there are no screws holding it together.  I could only handle 35% of building it before I lost interest.  By 'lose interest' I mean that I couldn't follow the fucking gibberish instructions that I think a Jamaican goblin wrote.  

But my thrift store and Tuesday morning adventures have made up for my decepti-bench.
Just some lanterns and brass things and some woven baskety things that I could shop for all day long.  Mr. Pink back there will get a coat of spray paint.  OR WILL IT?!  Spoiler alert: it will.  There's only one thing that can look junky on this patio and it's me.  Wait... I mean it's the pillows. 

My cafe string lights are purchased, ready to be hung by my gay husband and yes they are white. 
From Lights for All Occasions
I have a white ceiling so this was really the only option.  They aren't the really badass industrial ones that I wanted but damn if those aren't for lottery winners.  I had to have cafe string lights of some kind because without them my guests said they would set fire to the Ranch because of my shitty party-hosting skills.

They do not fuck around when it comes to patio parties, y'all.  You won't believe what they told me they'd do if I didn't have spinach dip.  




  1. Sounds like the best patio party ever. It will be really funny when someone sits on the 1/3 made bench. I hope there will be pictures. (Just to be safe, some sort of injury waiver might be a nice touch, at the door when they arrive.)

    1. Waiver is a good idea. Just in case there is food poisoning or a pack of wild rabid coyotes wanders through the back yard and we have to defend ourselves.

  2. Wait, you have a naked concrete slab?? In full view of the neighbors?

  3. Mr. Pink sortof matches those pillows. Just sayin'. Patio could be pretty in pink (ooh, I love alliteration!)

    1. I know. That is its one saving grace to avoid the spray paint can. We'll see how DIY-y I feel before the party!

      Maybe I'll theme the party a "Pretty in Pink Patio Party' and force everyone to wear pink.

      And then kill myself...

      Good to see you again, Tammy!

  4. Best spinach dip recipe ever:

    2 packages frozen chopped spinach (thawed & drained)
    1 package Knorr dry vegetable soup mix
    1 cup sour cream
    1 cup mayo
    2 cap-fulls of lemon juice

    Mix everything together in a bowl and chill in fridge overnight. This stuff is the BOMB once the soup mix has time to release all of its goodness.

    Serve with Fritos scoops. They are also the bomb.

    1. I am familiar with Fritos scoops! Never thought to use Knorr vegetable soup mix - good idea! Do you think that is something that could be replicated at home? Hhmmm...