Sunday, May 20, 2012

You had me at thoughtful design solutions and material selections...

Oh hello there, sexy. I don't believe we've met.  I'm Madame Lacy Sunday Sauce aka Mouth of the South aka Keeper of Internet Dreams and Unicorns Memes.  But you can call me the person who's just been reduced to a pile of lady goo on account of those ceiling beams and slick cabinets for short.

You can try to be sly and shift angles on me but I'm slyier.  Slyer...?  Ever more sly...?  I'm a stalker is what I'm trying to say and I've already googled all over your biznasty (that sounds like sexual harassment but I assure you it's legal in 27 states) and found out that you are the kitchen of a West Village townhouse designed and built by MADE.

Design AND build?  That's an architecture firm that has just made me forget about you, kitchen.  They have bigger and more satisfying things to offer.

Like this nice warm office.

And this bathroom that's so inviting I'm completely ignoring the wood floors that I will totally ruin within 6 months.  I'm splashy.  It's like being saucy but way full of destruction.  Actually, I think that's what saucy really does mean...

Whether or not MADE intended it this way, I'm feeling extra squee happy about the photography of these rooms.  Maybe it's just because I'm a champion of boring mediocrity but nothing here is too shiny or saturated like spaces that are in magazines. Everyone knows those aren't real spaces - only photoshopped figments of Lonny and Elle Decor's fanciful imaginations. 

Oh look!  MADE also does patios!
Gawddamn them.

I want to set my newly decorated patio on fire now.  But I only have access to some lighter fluid and a hole I can dig in the backyard - nothing like this fire.  I can't even destroy something in a pretty way.

patio from the South Village townhouse
And I certainly don't have the smarts to paint secret shelves cobalt.  Oh these guys are extra sly.  Way slyer than I had originally thought.  I've got to watch out for their super slyishness.

Boerum Hill Townhouse
Super slyish like the fact that I don't even care about barn doors and yet I can't look away from this lace metal barn door.  That's like bringing out your best push-up bra on the first date.  It's unfair.

Central Park West Apartment
And is that a Brutalist-looking concrete column?  I think the hunter has become the huntee.  Well-played, MADE.  Seems you have been doing some stalking of my interests as well.  I'm flattered .  Also, not wearing panties...  Just putting that out there...

2000 Broadway
I really hate to tell you that this image of the most genius bar/countertop ever designed by human persons is gratuitous to your cause of making me love you.  You already had me at your thoughtful design solutions and material selections about eleveteen images ago.

You, me, a box of Chattanooga's finest box wine and that bar/countertop for 5 minutes.

Well 7 if we actually want to finish the whole box but it's up to you.

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