I don't know about y'all but this weekend is really harshing my saucy mellow. Thanks to NBC's schizophrenic attempts at editing, I've seen 17 hours of beach volleyball in hopes to catch the events I want to watch interspersed within and I still seem to miss them. I must step into a wormhole on the way to the bathroom and returned 45 minutes later in a parallel universe where the tv schedule lies. We still dominate beach volleyball in every universe though.
Also, things at the ModSauce Ranch are breaking down: the lawnmower broke after 3 passes around the yard giving my yard a fat mohawk until I could borrow my neighbor's. The dishwasher spit out a rusty screw today (probably superfluous anyway) and makes a soothing, albeit concerning, grinding noise. The washing machine only does its denouement spin cycle about 50% of the time and the dryer works but has begun squeaking so loudly it sounds like someone is murdering a sheep in the laundry room.
Naturally I self-medicated my troubles away by eating shameful amounts of gluten-free, wheat-free, care-free ginger molasses cookies I found in bulk at Big Lots. Nobody buys the organic stuff there so it's all mine. It's called HEALTHY EATING, y'all. The proceeding stomach ache is all mine too.
All this HEALTHY EATING will probably do wonders for my skin which the 117% humidity is turning into a minefield of impending disaster. You probably shouldn't yell too loudly in my direction otherwise we might have sonic-induced eruptions.
After all this obvious tragedy at the Ranch, I needed something to light my soul on fire again. So here's a snail taking a shower.
It's the best thing I've ever seen. Like Flashdance but sexier. Especially at the :23 mark.
I've been blogging for about two decades and I ramble on about all kinds of flotsam and jetsam that surfaces in my brain but I can't remember if we've ever gotten around to my love of snails... Have we? Because it's really important to my design psyche.
Also, the health of my soul and possibly yours now.
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As a snail enthusiast, you're probably familiar with "marcel the shell with shoes on?" He's not quite a snail but he shares that one important feature.
ReplyDeleteSadly I've never seen it. : ( I'm a bad enthusiast. I'll see if I can add it to my Netflix!
DeleteIf only snails played beach volleyball, then all would be right at the saucy ranch. K
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY!
Delete(The mental image I have right now is outstanding.)
Well, your blog makes *me* exceedingly happy. It's rare that reading one of your posts doesn't make me snort a suppressed laugh of recognition. I know exactly that feeling that every mechanical thing you own is suddenly crapping out. All last week our car was exceptionally needy: flat tire requiring towing, new tires, new brake pads and rotors, annual state inspection, and nearly running out of gas in surreally horrific traffic, in the HOV lane, in 104 degree weather.
ReplyDelete'Laugh of recognition' is what I live for. Thanks, red. ; )
DeleteSorry your week was also shitty - my greatest fear is having car trouble in the middle of a giant 8 lane hwy so I totally can sympathize with you. How can we put a rover on Mars but can't figure out gas I'll never know.
My mom asked me if we were planning on going on a vacation this summer, and I said we'd already been to Cat With Urinary Blockage and New Water Heater, so we'd probably stick close to home for the foreseeable future.
ReplyDeleteps: I mow my lawn with a reel lawnmower, because I am a Woman of Steel.
Reel lawnmower! Ooh you fancy, huh? Also, you must have a manageable yard size.
DeleteFucking life is constantly interfering with my fantasy life. What an asshole.
We're on about a quarter of an acre, so it's pretty easy. Of course, up here in the great dryness, yards just don't grow that fast, so it's not like I'm out there constantly.
DeleteSeriously, when you live in a dry climate, sweat kind of surprises you. I mean, you DO sweat if you're mowing the lawn when it's in the 90s but sweat evaporates so fast that you don't *realize* you've sweated until you come in and there's a salt crust on you.
I almost suffocated walking to my car yesterday because the air is so thick with humidity. You can go to hell!!
DeleteJK.
Maybe...
I don't believe in hell, so your non-threats are useless against me!
DeleteI would say the tradeoff is that is snows a lot, but after spending a number of winters in New England, the snow here (which is generally really dry and powdery) is like, Hollywood special effect snow that doesn't meaningfully stick to cars or streets or whathaveyou.
I have been in CO snow and it is delightful. You still win.
Delete