Wednesday, November 28, 2012

My boyfriend and I invite you to get your shop on this Christmas.

Since we're all friends here on this blog I figured I could get a personal with you.  Gather round, chillens.  So...  I've been dating someone for awhile and we've finally decided to make it public!  

Let me introduce Philip Crangi to y'all.  Or as I like to call him, Norse Kitten Warrior Gawd of All That Is Holy Sweet Mother of Christian Grey Look At That Nose.
via lab daily
Ladies and queenfolk, you might already have a few of these pictures on your secret pinboards and private stash of lady smut but I'm cool with that.  He's a celebrity and that's our life.

We met in the meatpacking distract at one of Stefon's recommendations last year.
I think he was talking about me...

And Philip, Kitten Face Norse Gawd of Old Spice, came up to me trying to be smooth and shit and get these saucy digits and I was all "Um, tweet me - this isn't 2011, homie, and I don't like blondes anyway."  Ugh.  Give a girl some space, amiright ladies?

via GQ
But then I noticed he had some cute forehead curls and I was momentarily swayed and then snapped back to reality.  You better work for this jelly! *indicates the jelly with hand gestures*

via GQ
But then he was all "Madame, pretty please with cunnilingus on top, look at this deep V-neck I put on just for you because I mean business!" and I was all "Alriiight, already.  Calm your perfect beard, Phil."  

And we've been dating ever since.  I try to overlook the blonde part.  

Since I'm a fancy design blogger I was excited to see that he has a pretty bitchin pad that was featured on The Selby this summer.

Here he is just maxin' and relaxin' around the crib.

Dude knows I love me some crystal and shit.  Brings good energy.

He's a bit of a hipster hoarder like me so it just works.

Your facial hair is definitely first place in my book, Phil.

'I'm gonna get that bitch a library.  Bitches love libraries.'  Aww, thanks Phil.

Bitches also love a plethora of fun patterns in groovy colors.

Also, horses.

Bitches definitely love purty coffee tables.

And here's Philip in his studio working.  If you didn't know, he does have a few talents - he's a jewelry designer.  Just another reason I finally gave in to his advances.  You may recognize his hex nut bracelet we all DIY'd last year.

You can see a lot more of his work at his site Giles & Brother.  But I always encouraged him to branch out and do more than hardware store finds on a friendship bracelet.  I mean, I took a semester of jewelry and metalworking in college and a Entrepreneurship 101 class in high school so I'm a force to be reckoned with when it comes to this shit.

Well finally he listened to me and has since partnered with Neiman Marcus and Target this year to make a few pieces for all you poor people.  Poor people who still have $50 to spend on a picture fram.

See all the other designer products here.  They all go on sale on December 1 so get your stash box immediately.
I made one almost exactly like it in my college class.  It's an inside joke with us.

You can go here (click the play arrow on the thumbnails at the bottom) and see a little video of him talking about his products OMIGAWD THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS GAY.  As we say down here, he opened his mouth and his (gorgeous studded purse) fell out.

We have to break up immediately.  I KNEW those forehead curls were too good to be true. Can't believe I wasted two years and the next three years crushing on this piece of bearded man meat.

I'm going to buy a stash box and melt it down and pour it in the yard and then pee on it.*

*not going to do that


  1. Just don't pee on my library, please. And bearded, curly hair dude is not good enough for you.

    1. No promises.

      Well he certainly isn't now on account of the gayness!

  2. The kind of cool this guy has is large! So sorry you had to break up with him.

    1. Yeah, it was really good for my hipster street cred but I guess it was time to move on. On account of the gayness.

  3. HA! i was like so ready to scroll down this bitch and be like...dude is gayer than a padded seat brunch on sunday.

    but he is DUMB hot. so i would still be trying to stick my tongue all up on him.

    1. My gaydar is confused by extreme hotness and hipsterness...

      But yeah, dry humping his face every chance I could.